Left click on image to enlarge. Saturday, April 02, 2011
Friday, April 01, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Tattlesnake -- Wordy-Gurdy Name Quiz
Just for fun, grab a pencil and paper and try to find the three-word name combinations of prominent people in politics, history and the arts from each clue.
Example:
Clue: Hit the road, Congressman
Name: Ray Charles Rangel
1. Clue: Piano Man Sun-Tanned
2. Clue: Shrugged the Aqua Buddha Senator
3. Clue: Blond-Haired De-Angler
4. Clue: Offbeat Comedian Astroturfer
5. Clue: Code Pink Prime Israeli
6. Clue: Disaster Progressive News Anchor
7. Clue: Chess Records' Okie Senator At Last
8. Clue: Enthusiasm Curbed Tea Party Billionaire
9. Clue: Oscar General Badger Governor
10. Clue: Traitor for Gold and Golden Bear Musclehead
Answers below in Comments section.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Example:
Clue: Hit the road, Congressman
Name: Ray Charles Rangel
1. Clue: Piano Man Sun-Tanned
2. Clue: Shrugged the Aqua Buddha Senator
3. Clue: Blond-Haired De-Angler
4. Clue: Offbeat Comedian Astroturfer
5. Clue: Code Pink Prime Israeli
6. Clue: Disaster Progressive News Anchor
7. Clue: Chess Records' Okie Senator At Last
8. Clue: Enthusiasm Curbed Tea Party Billionaire
9. Clue: Oscar General Badger Governor
10. Clue: Traitor for Gold and Golden Bear Musclehead
Answers below in Comments section.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
What If Fox News Targeted the Irish the Way They Target Muslims and Hispanics?
Left click on image to enlarge.HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
Corporations Are Lying to Us About the Dangers of Japan's Nuclear Meltdown
It's summed up in the emphasized third sentence – if nuclear power plant owners followed every safety precaution, they couldn't make any money. Neocon Republicans love to spread fear by doting on lurid tales of the destruction that could be wrought by a 'dirty-bomb' nuclear device in the hands of a terrorist – so far, 'peaceful' nuclear power has killed more people than Al-Qaeda, but you won't hear the GOP complain; they are, after all, a paid arm of the nuclear power industry.
"…[I]t's been normal for this company in the past [lying to the public]. It's normal for the industry to some extent.
"It's a highly ideological industry, and it also involves a lot of concentration of political power, as well as physical power. And those institutions become very powerful, very close to the regulators, and an adversarial culture develops where they're constantly pushing against the safety measures, because that`s where the money is.
"If you did every single thing that you -- that was possible to make it safe, then you couldn't make any money."
-- Greg Mello of the Los Alamos Study Group on MSNBC's "Hardball," March 15, 2011, talking about the Japanese nuclear plants. [Emphasis
mine.]
"Nuclear plants the world over must be certified for what is called 'SQ' or 'Seismic Qualification.' That is, the owners swear that all components are designed for the maximum conceivable shaking event, be it from an earthquake or an exploding Christmas card from Al Qaeda.
"The most inexpensive way to meet your SQ is to lie. The industry does it all the time. The government team I worked with caught them once, in 1988, at the Shoreham plant in New York. Correcting the SQ problem at Shoreham would have cost a cool billion, so engineers were told to change the tests from 'failed' to 'passed.' " [snip]
"These [Japanese nuclear] plants are now releasing radioactive steam into the atmosphere. Be skeptical about the statements that the 'levels are not dangerous.' These are the same people who said these meltdowns could never happen. Over years, not days, there may be a thousand people, two thousand, ten thousand who will suffer from cancers induced by this radiation." [snip]
"It would be irresponsible for me to estimate the number of cancer deaths that will occur from these releases without further information; but it is just plain criminal for the Tokyo Electric shoguns to say that these releases are not dangerous. …The carcinogenic isotopes that are released at Fukushima are already floating to Seattle with effects we simply cannot measure."
-- Greg Palast, investigative journalist and former nuclear plant inspector, from "The No BS Info on Japan's Nuclear Operators," March 14, 2011.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Defending Charlie Sheen Edition
Is it crazy to stand up to corporations and media parasites that are trying to tell you how to live your life?
Charlie Sheen's gotten a bum rap from the media lately because he refused to play the corporate and tabloid-TV game: the Shamed Celebrity is supposed to enter rehab and emerge contrite and chastened and just so gleefully grateful his corporate employer stuck by him during his time of need. Instead, Sheen called CBS and his producers on their 'we care' bullshit, and told the media hypocrites that parasitically cover celebrities to stuff it where the moon don't shine. Here's a news flash you won't see on the MSM: When celebs enter rehab, it's mainly for PR, career, or project-insurance purposes and there is no shortage of drugs and alcohol at any of the well-known rehab ranches that cater to the famous. What are they going to do, kick them out and lose all of that money? No, they turn a blind eye and cooperate in the fraud that the celebrity is 'cured,' and everybody goes home happy. Charlie Sheen just refused to indulge in this fetid game and, for that, he should be applauded.
Is he crazy? Maybe, but no more than most of us, and he's not advising that we hurt or hate anyone. If you read his quotes below, he often makes considerable sense and he frequently lampoons himself, which the TMZ-style media are apparently too obtuse to recognize. He's certainly more honest and lucid than the demented wolfpack of politicians and pundits that appear on Meet the Press every Sunday and are treated as sane and reasonable.
If a Hunter S. Thompson had given Charlie's recent interviews, some of the same people pointing the 'nutjob drug addict' finger at Charlie Sheen and 'tsk, tsk' self-righteously shaking their heads over his sure demise, would be laughing with or praising him. But because he's known as a film/TV actor, and many of them don't want to offend Viacom/CBS for professional reasons, they toe the corporate line that Sheen is spinning out of control and needs help. Haven't we learned by now that large corporations do not have compassionate souls that take pity on their employees, and neither do the heads of Hollywood production companies? It's all about the money.
Aside from that, when did Charlie Sheen's personal life become the concern of anyone but himself and those around him? How would you like your personal problems exaggerated and splashed all over the TV beast and the Internet?
As you read the poem below, pretend they are the words of a beat poet rather than a movie star. It might give you a whole different perspective; "Droopy-eyed armless children" by itself is a line worthy of a Jack Kerouac novel or Allen Ginsberg epic.
"Winning"
The words of Charlie Sheen edited into poetry
I so desperately wanted to be
Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother…
As kids we're not taught how to deal
with success; we're taught how to
deal with failure.
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.
If at first you succeed,
then what?
C’mon, bro, I won best picture at 20!
I wasn’t even trying.
I wasn’t even warm.
Fame is empowering.
My mistake was that I thought
I would instinctively know
how to handle it.
But there's no manual,
no training course.
The run I was on made Sinatra,
Flynn, Jagger, Richards,
all of them look like
droopy-eyed armless children!
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core,
the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American
male in my position wouldn't?
But you can't focus on things
that matter if all you've been
is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep
rhymes with sheep.
I'm tired of ignoring that I
march to a different beat.
I will not believe that
if I do something then
I have to follow a certain
path because it was
written for normal people.
People who aren’t special.
People who don’t have
tiger blood and Adonis DNA!
I’m tired of pretending I’m not
a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars!
Here's the good news:
If I realize that I'm insane,
then I'm okay with it.
I'm not dangerous insane.
I am on a drug.
It's called Charlie Sheen.
It's not available because
if you try it, you will die.
Your face will melt off and
your children will weep over
your exploded body.
What you come to discover is,
it isn't how you get there,
it's that you get there.
If that's what it took to get me
where I'm at today,
so be it.
People go,
'What's going on with this guy?
Why does he sound so weird?
What is going on in his brain?'
I don't know. Just one day I
suddenly woke up with a new brain.
I love it! It's original!
You don't have the right to judge me.
Look what I’m dealing with, man,
I’m dealing with fools and trolls!
'Can't' is the cancer of happening.
That's life. There's nobility in that.
There's focus. It's genuine.
It's crystal and it's pure and
it's available to everybody,
so just shut your traps and
put down your McDonald's,
your vaccines, your US Weekly,
your TMZ and the rest of it.
There have to be more important
things going on in the world than
my past.
Uncertainty is a sign of humility,
and humility is just the ability or
the willingness to learn.
I’m sorry, man, I got magic and
I’ve got poetry in my fingertips,
you know, most of the time,
and this includes naps.
You either love or you hate.
You live in the middle,
you get nothing.
Boom, crush!
Night, losers.
Winning, duh!
Bring me Dr. Clown shoes!
[End]
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Charlie Sheen's gotten a bum rap from the media lately because he refused to play the corporate and tabloid-TV game: the Shamed Celebrity is supposed to enter rehab and emerge contrite and chastened and just so gleefully grateful his corporate employer stuck by him during his time of need. Instead, Sheen called CBS and his producers on their 'we care' bullshit, and told the media hypocrites that parasitically cover celebrities to stuff it where the moon don't shine. Here's a news flash you won't see on the MSM: When celebs enter rehab, it's mainly for PR, career, or project-insurance purposes and there is no shortage of drugs and alcohol at any of the well-known rehab ranches that cater to the famous. What are they going to do, kick them out and lose all of that money? No, they turn a blind eye and cooperate in the fraud that the celebrity is 'cured,' and everybody goes home happy. Charlie Sheen just refused to indulge in this fetid game and, for that, he should be applauded.
Is he crazy? Maybe, but no more than most of us, and he's not advising that we hurt or hate anyone. If you read his quotes below, he often makes considerable sense and he frequently lampoons himself, which the TMZ-style media are apparently too obtuse to recognize. He's certainly more honest and lucid than the demented wolfpack of politicians and pundits that appear on Meet the Press every Sunday and are treated as sane and reasonable.
If a Hunter S. Thompson had given Charlie's recent interviews, some of the same people pointing the 'nutjob drug addict' finger at Charlie Sheen and 'tsk, tsk' self-righteously shaking their heads over his sure demise, would be laughing with or praising him. But because he's known as a film/TV actor, and many of them don't want to offend Viacom/CBS for professional reasons, they toe the corporate line that Sheen is spinning out of control and needs help. Haven't we learned by now that large corporations do not have compassionate souls that take pity on their employees, and neither do the heads of Hollywood production companies? It's all about the money.
Aside from that, when did Charlie Sheen's personal life become the concern of anyone but himself and those around him? How would you like your personal problems exaggerated and splashed all over the TV beast and the Internet?
As you read the poem below, pretend they are the words of a beat poet rather than a movie star. It might give you a whole different perspective; "Droopy-eyed armless children" by itself is a line worthy of a Jack Kerouac novel or Allen Ginsberg epic.
"Winning"
The words of Charlie Sheen edited into poetry
I so desperately wanted to be
Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother…
As kids we're not taught how to deal
with success; we're taught how to
deal with failure.
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.
If at first you succeed,
then what?
C’mon, bro, I won best picture at 20!
I wasn’t even trying.
I wasn’t even warm.
Fame is empowering.
My mistake was that I thought
I would instinctively know
how to handle it.
But there's no manual,
no training course.
The run I was on made Sinatra,
Flynn, Jagger, Richards,
all of them look like
droopy-eyed armless children!
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core,
the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American
male in my position wouldn't?
But you can't focus on things
that matter if all you've been
is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep
rhymes with sheep.
I'm tired of ignoring that I
march to a different beat.
I will not believe that
if I do something then
I have to follow a certain
path because it was
written for normal people.
People who aren’t special.
People who don’t have
tiger blood and Adonis DNA!
I’m tired of pretending I’m not
a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars!
Here's the good news:
If I realize that I'm insane,
then I'm okay with it.
I'm not dangerous insane.
I am on a drug.
It's called Charlie Sheen.
It's not available because
if you try it, you will die.
Your face will melt off and
your children will weep over
your exploded body.
What you come to discover is,
it isn't how you get there,
it's that you get there.
If that's what it took to get me
where I'm at today,
so be it.
People go,
'What's going on with this guy?
Why does he sound so weird?
What is going on in his brain?'
I don't know. Just one day I
suddenly woke up with a new brain.
I love it! It's original!
You don't have the right to judge me.
Look what I’m dealing with, man,
I’m dealing with fools and trolls!
'Can't' is the cancer of happening.
That's life. There's nobility in that.
There's focus. It's genuine.
It's crystal and it's pure and
it's available to everybody,
so just shut your traps and
put down your McDonald's,
your vaccines, your US Weekly,
your TMZ and the rest of it.
There have to be more important
things going on in the world than
my past.
Uncertainty is a sign of humility,
and humility is just the ability or
the willingness to learn.
I’m sorry, man, I got magic and
I’ve got poetry in my fingertips,
you know, most of the time,
and this includes naps.
You either love or you hate.
You live in the middle,
you get nothing.
Boom, crush!
Night, losers.
Winning, duh!
Bring me Dr. Clown shoes!
[End]
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Top Ten Neocon Republican Hits Edition
These top ten lists get tedious, and this one's no different.
1. "This Land Ain't Your Land, This Land Is MY Land"
Scotty and the Koch Brothers
2. "America The Profitable"
Moe Greenback and the Wall Streeters
3. "Take Your Job And Shove It"
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce
4. "Dead Man's Curve"
Chris Christie and the Budget Cutters
5. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"
The Palin Family Choir
6. "Viva Low Wages!"
Wal Mart and the New Peasants
7. "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To"
Long John Boehner and the Wailers
8. "Liar, Liar (Pants On Fire)"
Mike Huckabee and the Birthers
9. "He Got The Gold Mine And I Got the Shaft"
Glenn Beck's Suckers
10. "(Here It Comes Your) 19th Nervous Breakdown"
Michele Bachmann and her Teabaggers
©2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
1. "This Land Ain't Your Land, This Land Is MY Land"
Scotty and the Koch Brothers
2. "America The Profitable"
Moe Greenback and the Wall Streeters
3. "Take Your Job And Shove It"
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce
4. "Dead Man's Curve"
Chris Christie and the Budget Cutters
5. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"
The Palin Family Choir
6. "Viva Low Wages!"
Wal Mart and the New Peasants
7. "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To"
Long John Boehner and the Wailers
8. "Liar, Liar (Pants On Fire)"
Mike Huckabee and the Birthers
9. "He Got The Gold Mine And I Got the Shaft"
Glenn Beck's Suckers
10. "(Here It Comes Your) 19th Nervous Breakdown"
Michele Bachmann and her Teabaggers
©2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Jon Stewart Interviews Hermann Goering Edition
STEWART: My guest tonight served as Adolf Hitler's air force chief and one of his closest advisors -- let's welcome to the program former German Reichsmarshall Hermann Goering! (They shake hands and sit down while the audience applauds.) Let me just say, sir, thanks for being here, and you look pretty damn good for a man over one hundred years old who supposedly died in 1946! What is that – Oil of Olay or Botox or something?!
GOERING: Ha, ha! Goodness gracious, no! I never died, I just moved to Argentina! I also lied about my age to get in the military and have taken good care of myself in my old age! And it's amazing what modern medicine can do! Ha, ha!
STEWART: Goodness gracious?!? What – is this a 4-H Club convention?!
GOERING: Ha, ha! Millions of good solid Americans from the heartland of the country talk like that, Jon!
STEWART: Oh, yeah, and out on the coasts all we do is yell 'm**her-f**ker' and 'go for the gay'!
GOERING: (Grinning) You said it, I didn't!
STEWART: In your book, you say the Nazis were misunderstood. You say they had doubts about everything they did. You were one of the Nazis close to Hitler – it sure didn't seem you guys had any doubts when you started World War II!
GOERING: Wait, let me address this Nazi thing – in Germany back then, everybody was a Nazi – you had to be one to do business, it was just a fact of life. Besides, the Nazis were just the name of a political party, like the Republicans today. I mean, we had good Nazis and bad Nazis. It's wrong to condemn all Nazis for the extreme fanaticism of a few. You know, we really weren't all fascists!
STEWART: But you were one of the head Nazis, convicted of war crimes like condoning torture!
GOERING: Tut, tut. I had documents in my desk at the time that show how much doubt I had about the decisions we were making and listed all of the things that could go wrong. We were just trying to protect the nation and acted on bad intelligence! Everything we did, we did for our country! Our top military staff believed that intelligence, incidentally.
STEWART: So you invaded Poland based on lousy intelligence reports?
GOERING: There was all kinds of paper flying around back then, pro and con. But we couldn't take a chance with the nation's security that Poland or another potential enemy like France might attack us, so we invaded first. The respected Gen. Jodl made the case to the public at the time.
STEWART: But you established a special office to provide you with the intelligence you wanted!
GOERING: I had no special intelligence office – somebody else set that up. There were three million men in the German military back then – any one of them could have done it.
STEWART: What about the torture? Are you saying you didn't order torture?
GOERING: Not torture like you saw at your Abu Ghraib prison. That kind of thing was done by bad apples – you know, low-level noncoms acting without orders. We ordered enhanced-interrogation techniques that our best legal minds said were acceptable in order to defend the country from terrorists. This was after the Reichstag fire remember, where Communists and other undesirables conspired to undermine the government and attack the public violently. We couldn't afford to let any technique for getting information out of the bad guys go unused.
STEWART: What about the concentration camps? Are you going to deny the Nazi concentration camps that killed millions of innocent people?
GOERING: Look, we had socialists, Communists, unionists, liberals, gays and other malcontents all bent on destroying our way of life. This was during the worldwide economic depression and we were trying to get people back to work, and those groups were fighting us on balancing the budget and creating more jobs. We only put people in camps who refused to work and would rather laze around collecting welfare from the taxpayers, like freeloading teachers and bottom-feeder nurses! Those were just work camps for unionists and commies who wanted to suck off the taxpayer and collect a paycheck for doing nothing!
STEWART: Ha, ha! 'Suck off the taxpayer,' huh? Now I know why you liked those camps! (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! I didn't mean it quite like that!
STEWART: But, seriously, what about the Jews -- why did you target them for annihilation?
GOERING: We never targeted the Jews, Jon. That's all revisionist history written by the liberals. We were just trying to protect the Jews from angry Germans who were blaming them for all the nation's problems by putting them in camps, but things got out of hand when some rogue elements took it upon themselves to start executing people. I mean, you go to war with the army you have, and we had some kooks in the Wehrmacht at the time. Certainly if I had been aware of what was going on in those camps I would have put a stop to it, and so would have Hitler, but we were busy defending our country against several powerful aggressors, fighting in a two-front war.
STEWART: What about Adolf Hitler? He's now acknowledged by the world as one of the biggest monsters in history, yet you loyally served him. Are you telling me you don't think he was a monster?
GOERING: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! The man was a vegetarian who loved animals and didn't drink, and he only had one testicle – does that sound like a monster to you? (Laughter.)
STEWART: Did you guys, like, call him 'One Ball' behind his back? (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! No, he would have had us shot! Ha, ha – just kidding! (Laughter and applause.)
STEWART: Well, our time is up. Okay, folks, the book is 'Soaring with Eagles' by former Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering. Thank you for coming in, sir! (They stand and shake hands.)
GOERING: Thank you, Jon, for helping me sell my book and rehabilitate my image by portraying me as a feisty old grandpa instead of a vicious war criminal responsible for the death, dismemberment and torture of millions!
(Applause. Cut to commercial for Burger King's new Super Lethal DOA Beef 'n' Bacon Triple-Stack Axis of Evil Whopper with Cheese.)
Watch Jon Stewart's Feb. 23, 2011, interview with Don Rumsfeld here.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
GOERING: Ha, ha! Goodness gracious, no! I never died, I just moved to Argentina! I also lied about my age to get in the military and have taken good care of myself in my old age! And it's amazing what modern medicine can do! Ha, ha!
STEWART: Goodness gracious?!? What – is this a 4-H Club convention?!
GOERING: Ha, ha! Millions of good solid Americans from the heartland of the country talk like that, Jon!
STEWART: Oh, yeah, and out on the coasts all we do is yell 'm**her-f**ker' and 'go for the gay'!
GOERING: (Grinning) You said it, I didn't!
STEWART: In your book, you say the Nazis were misunderstood. You say they had doubts about everything they did. You were one of the Nazis close to Hitler – it sure didn't seem you guys had any doubts when you started World War II!
GOERING: Wait, let me address this Nazi thing – in Germany back then, everybody was a Nazi – you had to be one to do business, it was just a fact of life. Besides, the Nazis were just the name of a political party, like the Republicans today. I mean, we had good Nazis and bad Nazis. It's wrong to condemn all Nazis for the extreme fanaticism of a few. You know, we really weren't all fascists!
STEWART: But you were one of the head Nazis, convicted of war crimes like condoning torture!
GOERING: Tut, tut. I had documents in my desk at the time that show how much doubt I had about the decisions we were making and listed all of the things that could go wrong. We were just trying to protect the nation and acted on bad intelligence! Everything we did, we did for our country! Our top military staff believed that intelligence, incidentally.
STEWART: So you invaded Poland based on lousy intelligence reports?
GOERING: There was all kinds of paper flying around back then, pro and con. But we couldn't take a chance with the nation's security that Poland or another potential enemy like France might attack us, so we invaded first. The respected Gen. Jodl made the case to the public at the time.
STEWART: But you established a special office to provide you with the intelligence you wanted!
GOERING: I had no special intelligence office – somebody else set that up. There were three million men in the German military back then – any one of them could have done it.
STEWART: What about the torture? Are you saying you didn't order torture?
GOERING: Not torture like you saw at your Abu Ghraib prison. That kind of thing was done by bad apples – you know, low-level noncoms acting without orders. We ordered enhanced-interrogation techniques that our best legal minds said were acceptable in order to defend the country from terrorists. This was after the Reichstag fire remember, where Communists and other undesirables conspired to undermine the government and attack the public violently. We couldn't afford to let any technique for getting information out of the bad guys go unused.
STEWART: What about the concentration camps? Are you going to deny the Nazi concentration camps that killed millions of innocent people?
GOERING: Look, we had socialists, Communists, unionists, liberals, gays and other malcontents all bent on destroying our way of life. This was during the worldwide economic depression and we were trying to get people back to work, and those groups were fighting us on balancing the budget and creating more jobs. We only put people in camps who refused to work and would rather laze around collecting welfare from the taxpayers, like freeloading teachers and bottom-feeder nurses! Those were just work camps for unionists and commies who wanted to suck off the taxpayer and collect a paycheck for doing nothing!
STEWART: Ha, ha! 'Suck off the taxpayer,' huh? Now I know why you liked those camps! (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! I didn't mean it quite like that!
STEWART: But, seriously, what about the Jews -- why did you target them for annihilation?
GOERING: We never targeted the Jews, Jon. That's all revisionist history written by the liberals. We were just trying to protect the Jews from angry Germans who were blaming them for all the nation's problems by putting them in camps, but things got out of hand when some rogue elements took it upon themselves to start executing people. I mean, you go to war with the army you have, and we had some kooks in the Wehrmacht at the time. Certainly if I had been aware of what was going on in those camps I would have put a stop to it, and so would have Hitler, but we were busy defending our country against several powerful aggressors, fighting in a two-front war.
STEWART: What about Adolf Hitler? He's now acknowledged by the world as one of the biggest monsters in history, yet you loyally served him. Are you telling me you don't think he was a monster?
GOERING: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! The man was a vegetarian who loved animals and didn't drink, and he only had one testicle – does that sound like a monster to you? (Laughter.)
STEWART: Did you guys, like, call him 'One Ball' behind his back? (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! No, he would have had us shot! Ha, ha – just kidding! (Laughter and applause.)
STEWART: Well, our time is up. Okay, folks, the book is 'Soaring with Eagles' by former Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering. Thank you for coming in, sir! (They stand and shake hands.)
GOERING: Thank you, Jon, for helping me sell my book and rehabilitate my image by portraying me as a feisty old grandpa instead of a vicious war criminal responsible for the death, dismemberment and torture of millions!
(Applause. Cut to commercial for Burger King's new Super Lethal DOA Beef 'n' Bacon Triple-Stack Axis of Evil Whopper with Cheese.)
Watch Jon Stewart's Feb. 23, 2011, interview with Don Rumsfeld here.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Hard-Working Americans Are 'Bottom-Feeders' and 'Freeloaders' to the Elitist Limbaugh
Left click on image to enlarge.Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Post-It Notes From the Underground Part One Edition
Watch out, he's petting his peeves again!
Messages scribbled on Post-It Notes that were giving me a brain-ache until I wrote them down.
Note to Abraham Lincoln, wherever he is now:
It's just as well you're not around today. The idea that Haley "Yazoo City" Barbour and Rick "Secesh" Perry are Republicans would no doubt give you severe apoplexy followed by a fatal stroke anyway.
Note to George Washington, wherever he is now:
Good thing you're not around, either, to see this 21st century bobblehead-doll America where a good portion of the politicians and electorate, abetted by the dumbed-down corporate media, have forgotten how to read, especially where the Constitution and the Bible are concerned.
Note to Arianna Huffington:
A quote from Balzac seems appropriate: "Behind every great fortune there is a great crime." Take a couple of million from the $315 mil you got from AOL and throw a few bucks at all the people who worked for free to make your website worth selling. BTW, I can't find even one person who thinks your AOL merger is a good idea or cares to read your website again. Prediction: the AOL-Huff Post is toast.
Note to Clarence Thomas:
What would you think is a conflict of interest for a judge -- a defendant handing you an envelope stuffed with cash right before you voted on his case? (Or has that already happened?) Don't ask Scalia what your opinion should be on this one -- he doesn't know what a conflict of interest is, either.
Note to Rupert Murdoch:
I guess we should thank you for hiring the mentally-challenged to work in your media empire. I mean, where else would certifiable meatheads like Steve Doocy and Glenn Beck find jobs?
Note to Allstate Insurance:
Stop abusing the English language by claiming you 'protect' your customers from mayhem. All of the things depicted in your TV ads would still happen, even with Allstate insurance. The only thing you can do is promptly pay to repair the damage after the 'mayhem,' but you can't 'protect' against it occurring in the first place.
Note to Glenn Beck's Goldline Coins:
If gold is such a great investment, far superior to paper money, why are you selling your gold in exchange for cash money that will, according to your pitchmen, inevitably go down in value? Why not just keep the gold?
Note to the Republican Party:
Okay, the more realistic among you know very well you are a minority party beholden to talk show hosts and a fringe nutcase base, and you can't win national elections with that 20-25 percent of the American electorate. If this were a parliamentary system, you'd be three separate parties: the Corporate Libertarians; the Christian Theocrats, and the Dixie Racists, none of whom would be able to dominate the nation's politics. You also have no credible candidates that could beat Obama. If I were a Republican (and thank Jebas I'm not), I'd be shaking in my tasseled loafers.
Note to the Teabaggers:
Although I have great fun lampooning you, I was gratified that some of you in Congress voted against your party and tried to kill that unconstitutional PATRIOT Act. Good for you!
Note to Tea Party Volunteers:
Sophisticated grifters at the national level are scamming you local tea party volunteers. According to this report, the Washington-based national leaders of Tea Party Patriots, for example, are paying themselves fat salaries and none of the money they collect is going back to the local groups. Isn't this the kind of corruption you said you were against?
Note to Herman Cain (founder of Godfather Pizza and CPAC speaker):
Your political views are as unappetizing as your tasteless cardboard-crust pizza. Stop being a selfish cyclops only thinking about your tax cuts now that you've made some money and consider the impact of your lowered taxes on the poor bastards who buy your lousy food.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Messages scribbled on Post-It Notes that were giving me a brain-ache until I wrote them down.
Note to Abraham Lincoln, wherever he is now:
It's just as well you're not around today. The idea that Haley "Yazoo City" Barbour and Rick "Secesh" Perry are Republicans would no doubt give you severe apoplexy followed by a fatal stroke anyway.
Note to George Washington, wherever he is now:
Good thing you're not around, either, to see this 21st century bobblehead-doll America where a good portion of the politicians and electorate, abetted by the dumbed-down corporate media, have forgotten how to read, especially where the Constitution and the Bible are concerned.
Note to Arianna Huffington:
A quote from Balzac seems appropriate: "Behind every great fortune there is a great crime." Take a couple of million from the $315 mil you got from AOL and throw a few bucks at all the people who worked for free to make your website worth selling. BTW, I can't find even one person who thinks your AOL merger is a good idea or cares to read your website again. Prediction: the AOL-Huff Post is toast.
Note to Clarence Thomas:
What would you think is a conflict of interest for a judge -- a defendant handing you an envelope stuffed with cash right before you voted on his case? (Or has that already happened?) Don't ask Scalia what your opinion should be on this one -- he doesn't know what a conflict of interest is, either.
Note to Rupert Murdoch:
I guess we should thank you for hiring the mentally-challenged to work in your media empire. I mean, where else would certifiable meatheads like Steve Doocy and Glenn Beck find jobs?
Note to Allstate Insurance:
Stop abusing the English language by claiming you 'protect' your customers from mayhem. All of the things depicted in your TV ads would still happen, even with Allstate insurance. The only thing you can do is promptly pay to repair the damage after the 'mayhem,' but you can't 'protect' against it occurring in the first place.
Note to Glenn Beck's Goldline Coins:
If gold is such a great investment, far superior to paper money, why are you selling your gold in exchange for cash money that will, according to your pitchmen, inevitably go down in value? Why not just keep the gold?
Note to the Republican Party:
Okay, the more realistic among you know very well you are a minority party beholden to talk show hosts and a fringe nutcase base, and you can't win national elections with that 20-25 percent of the American electorate. If this were a parliamentary system, you'd be three separate parties: the Corporate Libertarians; the Christian Theocrats, and the Dixie Racists, none of whom would be able to dominate the nation's politics. You also have no credible candidates that could beat Obama. If I were a Republican (and thank Jebas I'm not), I'd be shaking in my tasseled loafers.
Note to the Teabaggers:
Although I have great fun lampooning you, I was gratified that some of you in Congress voted against your party and tried to kill that unconstitutional PATRIOT Act. Good for you!
Note to Tea Party Volunteers:
Sophisticated grifters at the national level are scamming you local tea party volunteers. According to this report, the Washington-based national leaders of Tea Party Patriots, for example, are paying themselves fat salaries and none of the money they collect is going back to the local groups. Isn't this the kind of corruption you said you were against?
Note to Herman Cain (founder of Godfather Pizza and CPAC speaker):
Your political views are as unappetizing as your tasteless cardboard-crust pizza. Stop being a selfish cyclops only thinking about your tax cuts now that you've made some money and consider the impact of your lowered taxes on the poor bastards who buy your lousy food.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Tattlesnake – New Definitions from the Askewed Dictionary Edition
Glimpses Behind the Curtain of Our Blutocracy
"Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
BACHMANNALIA: 1. The sound wild-eyed gibberish makes in a rubber room. 2. An election-year holiday celebrating the unity of corporate money and gullible voters with sensibilities as squishy as wet teabags. 3. A sexless outdoor orgy in Minnesota in mid-winter, the quintessential Republican idea of how the public should be treated.
BACHMANNLINESS: 1. Putting on your 'man pants' backwards, while staring at the wrong camera. 2. Having the balls to misquote the Constitution on national television.
BLUTOCRACY: 1. A plutocracy as operated by Sen. John Blutarsky, the fictional 'Bluto' character from the film "Animal House," and those who are likeminded. 2. The USA today, and not the newspaper. 3. Wall Street week.
BOEHNALITY: 1. Crocodile tears shed by one who is only half-crocked. 2. Pretending you're in control of something you plainly are not, such as a bus when the steering wheel has come off in your hand. 3. The illusion that you stand for anything beyond your own personal gain and your next putt.
CALIPHATE: 1. In a ten-gallon hat, combine eleven-gallons horse manure with equal parts leftover Cold War fear and carbonated Holy Water; add a hefty scoop of Islamophobia, smother with nuts, and top with a lemon slice carved into the shape of a swastika and a cherry carved into the shape of a star. Strain through Fox News and serve at the temperature at which blood boils.
CONAGRA: 1. What polite Southern Republicans call the only conservative black guy in the county after he's left the room.
CRAPITALISM: 1. An unregulated form of capitalism practiced by well-dressed carnival pitchmen that turns everything it touches to pure shit, commonly ruining the lives of a few million civilians in the process. 2. The hypotheses adhered to by many of the financial elite that the light at the end of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public's tunnel must always be a privately-owned oncoming train in order for them to prosper. 3. The theory that enough taxpayer money, filtered through a nation's banks and large corporations, can persuade the political class and the media to do anything, and that much of that money must then be used to prolong the ignorance of the taxpayers from realizing they are financing the scheme.
FOX FIRE: 1. An event that never occurs at Fox News, no matter how inaccurate or disturbed the opinion expressed, unless the speaker happens to slip and tell the truth.
THE GOLDBERG VARIATIONS: 1. The assortment of adjectives, verbs and adverbs Jonah Goldberg uses to, without irony, accuse liberals of fascism and blame them for all of the misery visited on the public in the past 30 years by those who think like Jonah Goldberg.
KOCHAINE: 1. Money secretly doled out by the wealthy to influence public opinion in their favor, opinions which are usually contrary to the public interest or even common sense. 2. The primary addiction of Washington lobbyists and prominent politicians of both parties, causing them to lie, cheat and commit desperate degenerate acts to continue their dependence, that is strangely not included on the DEA's list of dangerous drugs deserving long prison terms, but certainly should be.
LUNTZTITUTION: 1. The creation of government policy or public outrage based on buzzwords or catch phrases invented by Frank Luntz that have little or no relationship to the reality of the subject; e.g., describing an orange as a 'bad apple,' or a grapefruit as a 'cancerous lemon,' or smog as 'clean air.' 2. Any doomed political party or corporation that believes such linguistic concoctions are anything more than a thin disguise for its true purpose of picking the public's pocket or skinning the yokels to the bone.
POLYPSYCHOTIC: 1. Capable of jabbering delirium in more than one medium. 2. The conservative media endlessly parroting the same right-wing talking points.
PROLESSIVISM: 1. "Two For Me and None For You." A game played by the US Chamber of Congress – excuse me, 'Commerce' – their financial backers and various politicians, such as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. The point of the game is to convince voters that balancing budgets and lowering taxes for the over-privileged is more important than their jobs, pensions, homes, or eating regular meals. It is akin to the "Sure I'm Jobless and Broke, But at Least I Don't Have Worry About Bank Overdraft Fees Anymore" game indulged in by millions of less fortunate Americans every day, except much more profitable for the major players.
SOLIPSIMPSONISM: 1. The belief that the best way to clean the ears is by passing a handkerchief through the head while wearing a blindfold and a shoe in one's mouth. 2. The conviction that unworkable remedies that cause public suffering will resolve budget ills if inartfully expressed at length. From Solipsimpson: A useless old boob with 300 million nipples.
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
"Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
BACHMANNALIA: 1. The sound wild-eyed gibberish makes in a rubber room. 2. An election-year holiday celebrating the unity of corporate money and gullible voters with sensibilities as squishy as wet teabags. 3. A sexless outdoor orgy in Minnesota in mid-winter, the quintessential Republican idea of how the public should be treated.
BACHMANNLINESS: 1. Putting on your 'man pants' backwards, while staring at the wrong camera. 2. Having the balls to misquote the Constitution on national television.
BLUTOCRACY: 1. A plutocracy as operated by Sen. John Blutarsky, the fictional 'Bluto' character from the film "Animal House," and those who are likeminded. 2. The USA today, and not the newspaper. 3. Wall Street week.
BOEHNALITY: 1. Crocodile tears shed by one who is only half-crocked. 2. Pretending you're in control of something you plainly are not, such as a bus when the steering wheel has come off in your hand. 3. The illusion that you stand for anything beyond your own personal gain and your next putt.
CALIPHATE: 1. In a ten-gallon hat, combine eleven-gallons horse manure with equal parts leftover Cold War fear and carbonated Holy Water; add a hefty scoop of Islamophobia, smother with nuts, and top with a lemon slice carved into the shape of a swastika and a cherry carved into the shape of a star. Strain through Fox News and serve at the temperature at which blood boils.
CONAGRA: 1. What polite Southern Republicans call the only conservative black guy in the county after he's left the room.
CRAPITALISM: 1. An unregulated form of capitalism practiced by well-dressed carnival pitchmen that turns everything it touches to pure shit, commonly ruining the lives of a few million civilians in the process. 2. The hypotheses adhered to by many of the financial elite that the light at the end of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public's tunnel must always be a privately-owned oncoming train in order for them to prosper. 3. The theory that enough taxpayer money, filtered through a nation's banks and large corporations, can persuade the political class and the media to do anything, and that much of that money must then be used to prolong the ignorance of the taxpayers from realizing they are financing the scheme.
FOX FIRE: 1. An event that never occurs at Fox News, no matter how inaccurate or disturbed the opinion expressed, unless the speaker happens to slip and tell the truth.
THE GOLDBERG VARIATIONS: 1. The assortment of adjectives, verbs and adverbs Jonah Goldberg uses to, without irony, accuse liberals of fascism and blame them for all of the misery visited on the public in the past 30 years by those who think like Jonah Goldberg.
KOCHAINE: 1. Money secretly doled out by the wealthy to influence public opinion in their favor, opinions which are usually contrary to the public interest or even common sense. 2. The primary addiction of Washington lobbyists and prominent politicians of both parties, causing them to lie, cheat and commit desperate degenerate acts to continue their dependence, that is strangely not included on the DEA's list of dangerous drugs deserving long prison terms, but certainly should be.
LUNTZTITUTION: 1. The creation of government policy or public outrage based on buzzwords or catch phrases invented by Frank Luntz that have little or no relationship to the reality of the subject; e.g., describing an orange as a 'bad apple,' or a grapefruit as a 'cancerous lemon,' or smog as 'clean air.' 2. Any doomed political party or corporation that believes such linguistic concoctions are anything more than a thin disguise for its true purpose of picking the public's pocket or skinning the yokels to the bone.
POLYPSYCHOTIC: 1. Capable of jabbering delirium in more than one medium. 2. The conservative media endlessly parroting the same right-wing talking points.
PROLESSIVISM: 1. "Two For Me and None For You." A game played by the US Chamber of Congress – excuse me, 'Commerce' – their financial backers and various politicians, such as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. The point of the game is to convince voters that balancing budgets and lowering taxes for the over-privileged is more important than their jobs, pensions, homes, or eating regular meals. It is akin to the "Sure I'm Jobless and Broke, But at Least I Don't Have Worry About Bank Overdraft Fees Anymore" game indulged in by millions of less fortunate Americans every day, except much more profitable for the major players.
SOLIPSIMPSONISM: 1. The belief that the best way to clean the ears is by passing a handkerchief through the head while wearing a blindfold and a shoe in one's mouth. 2. The conviction that unworkable remedies that cause public suffering will resolve budget ills if inartfully expressed at length. From Solipsimpson: A useless old boob with 300 million nipples.
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Tattlesnake – "Finally We Are Free!" Edition
Title quote via MSNBC from a pro-democracy demonstrator celebrating in Cairo's Tahrir (Liberation) Square following the resignation of Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarak, Feb. 11, 2011.
The US media reported yesterday that Hosni Mubarak had finally resigned, the message conveyed to the world by his Vice President and Torturer-in-Chief, Omar Suleiman. Of course, the pro-democracy demonstrators wildly celebrated Mubarak's resignation – think of it: in 18 days they had toppled a tyrant without resorting to violence, even in the face of provocation from Mubarak's street thugs and vicious secret police -- but I also thought it was interesting that Hosni is now ensconced in his estate on the Red Sea, surrounded by razor wire and heavily guarded. Some may interpret this arrangement as protecting Mubarak's corrupt hide, but it could also be seen as a prison from which he could be quickly transferred to a jet bound out of the country, forced into exile by the praetorian guard now 'protecting' him from his own people. Then again, perhaps they are merely holding the deposed dictator for trial – the people have demanded Hosni be held responsible for his brutal reign, and they want to know where all the money went. In the wake of the news that Swiss banks have frozen Mubarak's bank accounts purportedly containing billions in purloined US dollars, they just might find out.
While we celebrate with the Egyptian people emerging from 30 years of darkness under Mubarak, it must be said that, now that Mubarak's gone, only a part of Egypt's journey to a free democracy is complete; next, the pro-democracy forces will have the hard work of purging the government of Mubarak's corrupt cronies, if they won't leave willingly, and pressuring the military, which has dissolved parliament and taken control, to allow a democratically-elected civilian government to flourish. On the latter score, it's heartening to note that while the top officers are Mubarak appointees, the rank-and-file in the military are conscripts closer to the demonstrators than the generals, and the scenes of peaceful protestors happily riding on the tanks US foreign aid purchased should have brought that point home to the brass hats. Without the lower ranks solidly behind them, there can be no military coup d'etat.
Meanwhile, public crackpot Glenn Beck has been regurgitating bizarre conspiracy theories alleging that the overthrow of the vile Mubarak is part of some kind of dingbat Marxist-Muslim 'New World Order' plot with US progressives to bring about an Islamic Caliphate that will rule the Middle East and Europe. Fox News' squirrel-bait embarrassment apparently believes freedom and democracy are fine for white Americans, but should be off-limits to darker-skinned Egyptians. (Perhaps this is why his TV audience has dropped by half in the past year – most of us, whatever our political leanings, think democracy, individual rights and liberty are good things for the world.) However, Beck is almost right – there does seem to be a New World Order brewing, but not the evil Commie Caliphate he imagines. Instead, all across Africa and the Middle East, from Tunisia to Iran, the citizenry is yearning for secular government of, by and for the people, dedicated to equality and justice, with the same rights and freedoms Americans are supposed to enjoy. Of course, to corporate scambots like Rupert Murdoch's rodeo clown, the idea of self-rule and freedom from foreign exploitation is anathema, and the events in Tunisia and Egypt should be sending a chill up spines in the other corporate suites of the world; these non-violent revolutions were also about economic justice as well as getting rid of tyranny, an economic justice the corporate autocrats despise and fear. Whatever meaningless label the Becksters want to hang on it, it is not religious in nature and neither is it some silly strain of Islamic Communism – it is the same thing Americans fought for over two centuries ago: freedom from distant powers and homegrown despots taking your money and deciding your fate without your consent.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
The US media reported yesterday that Hosni Mubarak had finally resigned, the message conveyed to the world by his Vice President and Torturer-in-Chief, Omar Suleiman. Of course, the pro-democracy demonstrators wildly celebrated Mubarak's resignation – think of it: in 18 days they had toppled a tyrant without resorting to violence, even in the face of provocation from Mubarak's street thugs and vicious secret police -- but I also thought it was interesting that Hosni is now ensconced in his estate on the Red Sea, surrounded by razor wire and heavily guarded. Some may interpret this arrangement as protecting Mubarak's corrupt hide, but it could also be seen as a prison from which he could be quickly transferred to a jet bound out of the country, forced into exile by the praetorian guard now 'protecting' him from his own people. Then again, perhaps they are merely holding the deposed dictator for trial – the people have demanded Hosni be held responsible for his brutal reign, and they want to know where all the money went. In the wake of the news that Swiss banks have frozen Mubarak's bank accounts purportedly containing billions in purloined US dollars, they just might find out.
While we celebrate with the Egyptian people emerging from 30 years of darkness under Mubarak, it must be said that, now that Mubarak's gone, only a part of Egypt's journey to a free democracy is complete; next, the pro-democracy forces will have the hard work of purging the government of Mubarak's corrupt cronies, if they won't leave willingly, and pressuring the military, which has dissolved parliament and taken control, to allow a democratically-elected civilian government to flourish. On the latter score, it's heartening to note that while the top officers are Mubarak appointees, the rank-and-file in the military are conscripts closer to the demonstrators than the generals, and the scenes of peaceful protestors happily riding on the tanks US foreign aid purchased should have brought that point home to the brass hats. Without the lower ranks solidly behind them, there can be no military coup d'etat.
Meanwhile, public crackpot Glenn Beck has been regurgitating bizarre conspiracy theories alleging that the overthrow of the vile Mubarak is part of some kind of dingbat Marxist-Muslim 'New World Order' plot with US progressives to bring about an Islamic Caliphate that will rule the Middle East and Europe. Fox News' squirrel-bait embarrassment apparently believes freedom and democracy are fine for white Americans, but should be off-limits to darker-skinned Egyptians. (Perhaps this is why his TV audience has dropped by half in the past year – most of us, whatever our political leanings, think democracy, individual rights and liberty are good things for the world.) However, Beck is almost right – there does seem to be a New World Order brewing, but not the evil Commie Caliphate he imagines. Instead, all across Africa and the Middle East, from Tunisia to Iran, the citizenry is yearning for secular government of, by and for the people, dedicated to equality and justice, with the same rights and freedoms Americans are supposed to enjoy. Of course, to corporate scambots like Rupert Murdoch's rodeo clown, the idea of self-rule and freedom from foreign exploitation is anathema, and the events in Tunisia and Egypt should be sending a chill up spines in the other corporate suites of the world; these non-violent revolutions were also about economic justice as well as getting rid of tyranny, an economic justice the corporate autocrats despise and fear. Whatever meaningless label the Becksters want to hang on it, it is not religious in nature and neither is it some silly strain of Islamic Communism – it is the same thing Americans fought for over two centuries ago: freedom from distant powers and homegrown despots taking your money and deciding your fate without your consent.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Edition
Brief sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.
Michele Bachmann – When scary met rally.
Arianna Huffington – A mythological Greek goddess who prospers greatly on the free labor of others.
Tim Pawlenty – A polite little Minnesota fart desperately trying to become a big Republican shit.
Sarah Palin – America's trademarked Tweetheart, soon to be our 'Dear Tweeter' right after the Republicans in Congress succeed in outlawing rational thought entirely.
Jon Stewart – If Jon noticed two brown-shirted men wearing swastika armbands beating up another man laying on the ground, he would immediately condemn onlookers who pointed out any similarities to the Nazis, and go on to make the case that the actions of the attackers and the man trying to defend himself are equally deplorable. Then he'd giggle and cut to a commercial for Verizon Wireless.
The Tea Partiers – Their hearts are in the Right place -- next to a pile of cash in a bank vault owned by the Koch brothers.
Comcast/MSNBC – 'Lean Forward' so it'll be easier to kick your ass out the door if you displease the parent company.
Bill O'Reilly – Joe McCarthy after the first bottle, combined with all the charm of a proctologist with a fire hose.
Glenn Beck – Joe McCarthy after the second bottle, combined with Howard Stern following a full lobotomy.
Rush Limbaugh -- An ounce of syphilitic brain tissue trampled in the stands of the football stadium at Ole Miss, circa 1964.
Megyn Kelly – 1. Find valve in back of skull. 2. Insert hose and inflate with helium until head is filled. 3. Check hair and makeup. 4. Insert 'GOP Talking Points' memory card. 5. Turn crank in back until words come out.
Michael Savage – When being a self-hating Weiner just isn't enough.
Mitt Romney – Elmer Corpo-Fudd goes hunting for small vermin, only to keep finding himself.
Jeb Bush – A Republican presidential prospect who wishes he had been born with a different last name, maybe something like 'Nixon.'
Mitch McConnell – Where wealthy wrinkles go to retire and old lies to revive themselves.
Roger Ailes – When he dines on his daily cherub, he wipes his mouth on the closest thing available, which happens to be the seat of his pants.
Antonin Scalia – Judge Dreadful.
Clarence Thomas – "Just because I have a big bet on the team doesn't mean I would necessarily rule in its favor."
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Michele Bachmann – When scary met rally.
Arianna Huffington – A mythological Greek goddess who prospers greatly on the free labor of others.
Tim Pawlenty – A polite little Minnesota fart desperately trying to become a big Republican shit.
Sarah Palin – America's trademarked Tweetheart, soon to be our 'Dear Tweeter' right after the Republicans in Congress succeed in outlawing rational thought entirely.
Jon Stewart – If Jon noticed two brown-shirted men wearing swastika armbands beating up another man laying on the ground, he would immediately condemn onlookers who pointed out any similarities to the Nazis, and go on to make the case that the actions of the attackers and the man trying to defend himself are equally deplorable. Then he'd giggle and cut to a commercial for Verizon Wireless.
The Tea Partiers – Their hearts are in the Right place -- next to a pile of cash in a bank vault owned by the Koch brothers.
Comcast/MSNBC – 'Lean Forward' so it'll be easier to kick your ass out the door if you displease the parent company.
Bill O'Reilly – Joe McCarthy after the first bottle, combined with all the charm of a proctologist with a fire hose.
Glenn Beck – Joe McCarthy after the second bottle, combined with Howard Stern following a full lobotomy.
Rush Limbaugh -- An ounce of syphilitic brain tissue trampled in the stands of the football stadium at Ole Miss, circa 1964.
Megyn Kelly – 1. Find valve in back of skull. 2. Insert hose and inflate with helium until head is filled. 3. Check hair and makeup. 4. Insert 'GOP Talking Points' memory card. 5. Turn crank in back until words come out.
Michael Savage – When being a self-hating Weiner just isn't enough.
Mitt Romney – Elmer Corpo-Fudd goes hunting for small vermin, only to keep finding himself.
Jeb Bush – A Republican presidential prospect who wishes he had been born with a different last name, maybe something like 'Nixon.'
Mitch McConnell – Where wealthy wrinkles go to retire and old lies to revive themselves.
Roger Ailes – When he dines on his daily cherub, he wipes his mouth on the closest thing available, which happens to be the seat of his pants.
Antonin Scalia – Judge Dreadful.
Clarence Thomas – "Just because I have a big bet on the team doesn't mean I would necessarily rule in its favor."
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Tips for Hosting (and Surviving) a Birthday Party for a Teabagger Relative
Left click on image to enlarge.Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The GOPs Slash-Spending, Balance-the-Budget School Lunch Program Illustrated
Left click on image to enlarge.Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Keith Olbermann's Final 'Countdown' at MSNBC Has the Stench of Comcast All Over It
Last night, Friday, January 21, in what I know must have been a surprise to much of his audience, Keith Olbermann announced this was the last "Countdown with Keith Olbermann," thanked his viewers and those who had helped put the show on the air over the years, and then calmly read a James Thurber story named "The Scotty Who Knew Too Much," the moral of which was: "It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers." It was an odd, unsettling moment in the context of Keith's departure, and it's still not clear if Olbermann quit or MSNBC fired him, the only official announcement from MSNBC being an exercise in bland Corpospeak opacity:"MSNBC and Keith Olbermann have ended their contract. The last broadcast of Countdown with Keith Olbermann will be this evening. MSNBC thanks Keith for his integral role in MSNBC's success and we wish him well in his future endeavors."
Richard Adams, writing in The Guardian (UK), apparently believes Olbermann was fired:
"Keith Olbermann, the liberal, outspoken anchor of MSNBC's Countdown show, had his contract dramatically terminated by the US cable news network's parent company NBC on Friday night.
"Olbermann had two years of a four year contract remaining, worth an estimated $30m, and was the network's highest-rated personality, responsible in large part for MSNBC's orientation as a liberal, Democratic-leaning channel."
Although Comcast ferociously denies they had anything to do with this – and it is barely possible Keith simply refused to work for them and ended his contract by mutual agreement with MSNBC -- the juxtaposition of FCC approval to take over NBC/Universal and Olbermann's blink-quick departure reek with the stench of conservative mega-corporation Comcast sending a chilling message to the cable news network's employees – especially air personalities Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz and Lawrence O'Donnell – that if they go too 'progressive' in their shows, if they pull back the curtain on corporate malfeasance and corruption with too much zeal and fact, they could find their contracts suddenly cancelled as well.
(The new prime-time MSNBC line-up, BTW, is O'Donnell in Keith's slot at 8:00ET, with Ed Schultz moving into O'Donnell's current 10:00ET berth. Rachel will stay in her current time slot.)
Thankfully, Keith is still owed $14 million on his contract, so he will have a chance to take a breather, review his options, and make a comeback elsewhere, perhaps even at the struggling third-place CNN. As Rob Soto at etidbots.com speculates:
"As for our opinion on what’s next for the liberal anchor, don’t be surprised if Olbermann ends up on CNN sooner than later. Their ratings are in the tank, their new Parker/Spitzer series is a disaster (with Kathleen Parker reportedly not very happy being there) and is a poor lead-in to the new Piers Morgan Show. The entire evening lineup needs a makeover, and fast. Olbermann reportedly still has two years on his contract and will get paid his annual salary of about $7 million. However, what is not known at this point if he has a non-compete clause in his contract that would prohibit him from appearing on a rival station until his two-year contract is over."
VIDEO: Olbermann signs off on final Countdown
I've been a regular viewer and fan of Keith Olbermann's since he first started Countdown eight years ago and I hope he shows up on the TV machine again soon; to paraphrase his sign-off, and mix in some Dylan Thomas, I wish him good luck, and I know he won't go gently into that good night.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
'DeLayed Reaction': The Hammer is Finally Nailed to Three Years in Jail
Left click on image to enlarge.Thursday, January 13, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Friday, January 07, 2011
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Monday, January 03, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Clueless Wall Street Indulges in the Self-Delusion of the Wealthy Edition
… and it's nothing new.
As 2011 settles in, some things haven't changed, such as the investment bank aristocracy of Wall Street, already wallowing in obscenely large salaries, apparently believing they deserve bonuses for continuing to peddle worthless paper and hoodwinking their own customers. This addled belief, however, is nothing new.
Having misspent a part of my youth as an advertising director for a publishing company, I once had an opportunity to encounter some wealthy people at business lunches and dinners, and noticed a few habits of hypocritical thinking they had in common:
-- To a man -- and they were all men -- they believed, even the silver-spoon-born trust fund scions and coddled bosses sons, that they were 'self-made' and everything they had was attained by their own hard work, even if their wealth was derived mostly from dividend income, the result of a long-dead relative picking the right investments or starting a successful business.
-- Speaking of hard work, when these VIPs came in at 10:am to check the mail and sign a few letters, left for a two-hour lunch at 12:30, and then went golfing for the rest of the afternoon, leaving their overworked and underpaid secretaries to run the place, they would still insist that they had 'worked hard' that day.
-- Whatever their educational institution, Yale or Harvard or a state university, they all thought they graduated because they 'studied hard' and 'put their noses to the grindstone' even though some would laughingly brag, after a few too many martinis, about how they had hired poor 'scholarship brainiacs' or 'eggheads' to teach them how to cheat on their tests.
-- While every one of them abhorred any publicly-funded program that enabled poor kids to get a higher education, and especially affirmative action, they were blind to their own advantages, beyond just being born white. If Uncle Joe picked up the phone to make sure they got into the 'right' college, or Daddy was once a student and fast-tracked their 'legacy' acceptance into a university, that was fine -- just the way the world worked. Of course, left unsaid was how they would have been able to make their way through college if such financially-strapped 'scholarship brainiacs' were not there to help them cheat, just one of many mental cul-de-sacs that these sons of privilege passed by quickly, lest they get hung on their own conundrum.
-- Although all of them supported the war in Vietnam, none of them came close to serving in it. They either received school draft deferments like Dick Cheney; or, like Rush Limbaugh, had a note from the family doctor describing some dread condition that made them militarily unfit, but somehow didn't interfere with their golf game; or had a family-friend Congressman intervene to keep them out; or, like Junior Bush, had Daddy pull a few strings to get them easy 'Weekend Warrior' duty in the National Guard. Privately, they had little regard or compassion for the troops in the field; in fact, they believed them stupid and that the grunts should show gratitude for the opportunity that military service provided to raise their lowly selves out of the ghetto or trailer park. Should they die or be maimed for life during this process of elevation – well, that's just the price they pay for not having the foresight to be born in better circumstances.
-- They all hated paying taxes, the hatred much more intense than that of those lower on the income ladder. Like Leona Helmsley, they thought taxes were fine -- for the 'little people.' A couple of them were said to spend more money on lawyers and accountants to avoid paying taxes than the amount they owed in taxes. But they didn't mind one bit freeloading off poorer folks by using roads, highways, airports, parks, and other public facilities paid for by the taxes of the non-rich; and they took it for granted their class would receive preferential treatment from cops and firefighters they didn't want to pay taxes to support. I won't even get into the courts, prosecutors, and military all arrayed to protect their precious property that they also didn't want to pay for -- suffice it to say that they didn't believe in any taxes for themselves, even for those things that benefited them greatly. It would be a mistake to take this as any sort of reasonable consideration on the subject of taxes; it is not – it's a nearly-hysterical emotional reaction born of mindless greed.
That's all I can recall at the moment, but the one thread running through all of it is the massive degree of self-delusion practiced by those with wealth. It's scary enough when they know they're lying to make a buck; it's pathologically dangerous when they buy into their own fantasies about themselves as have, it seems, the current crop of Wall Street scoundrels. In this particular case, it won't end until Richie Rich, ensconced in an office at Goldman Sachs, dreaming up the next fraudulent financial instrument for his firm to foist on the gullible public, hits bottom – an inevitability since they refuse to learn from their mistakes -- and seeks another 'loan' from the contemptible 'little people' taxpayers via the federal Big Daddy and, to mix metaphors, the cupboard is bare.
Then these Masters of the Universe will learn the tough lesson the cosseted Junior Bush as president had to endure: there are times when even Big Daddy can't save you from the hard consequences of acting like a spoiled brat.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
As 2011 settles in, some things haven't changed, such as the investment bank aristocracy of Wall Street, already wallowing in obscenely large salaries, apparently believing they deserve bonuses for continuing to peddle worthless paper and hoodwinking their own customers. This addled belief, however, is nothing new.
Having misspent a part of my youth as an advertising director for a publishing company, I once had an opportunity to encounter some wealthy people at business lunches and dinners, and noticed a few habits of hypocritical thinking they had in common:
-- To a man -- and they were all men -- they believed, even the silver-spoon-born trust fund scions and coddled bosses sons, that they were 'self-made' and everything they had was attained by their own hard work, even if their wealth was derived mostly from dividend income, the result of a long-dead relative picking the right investments or starting a successful business.
-- Speaking of hard work, when these VIPs came in at 10:am to check the mail and sign a few letters, left for a two-hour lunch at 12:30, and then went golfing for the rest of the afternoon, leaving their overworked and underpaid secretaries to run the place, they would still insist that they had 'worked hard' that day.
-- Whatever their educational institution, Yale or Harvard or a state university, they all thought they graduated because they 'studied hard' and 'put their noses to the grindstone' even though some would laughingly brag, after a few too many martinis, about how they had hired poor 'scholarship brainiacs' or 'eggheads' to teach them how to cheat on their tests.
-- While every one of them abhorred any publicly-funded program that enabled poor kids to get a higher education, and especially affirmative action, they were blind to their own advantages, beyond just being born white. If Uncle Joe picked up the phone to make sure they got into the 'right' college, or Daddy was once a student and fast-tracked their 'legacy' acceptance into a university, that was fine -- just the way the world worked. Of course, left unsaid was how they would have been able to make their way through college if such financially-strapped 'scholarship brainiacs' were not there to help them cheat, just one of many mental cul-de-sacs that these sons of privilege passed by quickly, lest they get hung on their own conundrum.
-- Although all of them supported the war in Vietnam, none of them came close to serving in it. They either received school draft deferments like Dick Cheney; or, like Rush Limbaugh, had a note from the family doctor describing some dread condition that made them militarily unfit, but somehow didn't interfere with their golf game; or had a family-friend Congressman intervene to keep them out; or, like Junior Bush, had Daddy pull a few strings to get them easy 'Weekend Warrior' duty in the National Guard. Privately, they had little regard or compassion for the troops in the field; in fact, they believed them stupid and that the grunts should show gratitude for the opportunity that military service provided to raise their lowly selves out of the ghetto or trailer park. Should they die or be maimed for life during this process of elevation – well, that's just the price they pay for not having the foresight to be born in better circumstances.
-- They all hated paying taxes, the hatred much more intense than that of those lower on the income ladder. Like Leona Helmsley, they thought taxes were fine -- for the 'little people.' A couple of them were said to spend more money on lawyers and accountants to avoid paying taxes than the amount they owed in taxes. But they didn't mind one bit freeloading off poorer folks by using roads, highways, airports, parks, and other public facilities paid for by the taxes of the non-rich; and they took it for granted their class would receive preferential treatment from cops and firefighters they didn't want to pay taxes to support. I won't even get into the courts, prosecutors, and military all arrayed to protect their precious property that they also didn't want to pay for -- suffice it to say that they didn't believe in any taxes for themselves, even for those things that benefited them greatly. It would be a mistake to take this as any sort of reasonable consideration on the subject of taxes; it is not – it's a nearly-hysterical emotional reaction born of mindless greed.
That's all I can recall at the moment, but the one thread running through all of it is the massive degree of self-delusion practiced by those with wealth. It's scary enough when they know they're lying to make a buck; it's pathologically dangerous when they buy into their own fantasies about themselves as have, it seems, the current crop of Wall Street scoundrels. In this particular case, it won't end until Richie Rich, ensconced in an office at Goldman Sachs, dreaming up the next fraudulent financial instrument for his firm to foist on the gullible public, hits bottom – an inevitability since they refuse to learn from their mistakes -- and seeks another 'loan' from the contemptible 'little people' taxpayers via the federal Big Daddy and, to mix metaphors, the cupboard is bare.
Then these Masters of the Universe will learn the tough lesson the cosseted Junior Bush as president had to endure: there are times when even Big Daddy can't save you from the hard consequences of acting like a spoiled brat.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
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