Subtitled, for you Latin scholars out there, with what should be the GOP motto in the 2012 primaries: ‘incredibilis vos socius pro nostrum equus fimus iterum’ **
The Death Wish Nine:
1. Tim Pawlenty
2. Mitt Romney
3. Newt Gingrich
4. Rick Santorum
5. Gary Johnson
6. Herman Cain
7. Michele Bachmann
8. Sarah Palin
9. Anybody Else?
(Yes, I’m leaving off gay Republican Fred Karger, former Obama ambassador Jon Huntsman, and that other guy for the sake of brevity.)
Not a Triumph of the (George F.) Will: Mitch Daniels and Tim Pawlenty. But it’s not to be as Daniels, Junior Bush’s former budget director, who turned a $236 billion surplus into a $400 billion deficit, and the financial genius who ‘privatized’ the Indiana Toll Roads for a lump sum payment of $3.6 billion in a 75-year lease that will pay $133 billion to the Australian/Spanish firm of Macquarie-Cintra, has decided not to play, taking his name out of contention. That’s a shame as laugh-lovers will be denied the spectacle of a Daniels/Pawlenty ticket in 2012, AKA the Ambiguously Gay Duo of GOP politics.
Speaking of Pawlenty, he just tossed his hat in the pig feces swamp May 23rd by boldly announcing in Iowa that he will end ethanol subsidies as president. Next he’ll tell the Republican voters of New Hampshire that he plans to take away their guns, and then head to Wisconsin to inform the handful of GOP voters left there of how much he hates cheese and the Green Bay Packers. Apparently Timbaugh, saddled with the same no-Tea-Party, moderate Blue-State GOP governor baggage as Mitt Romney, has decided to show his hairy-chested manliness by metaphorically slapping potential voters across the chops a few times. It’s an entertaining approach, at least, and he may get the nomination just by not being as space-cadet nuts as everyone else in the GOP race.
Speaking of Mitt Romney, he has the mounds of money, confident male underwear model leer, and party contacts to be the frontrunner, but he’s bent over backwards so many times to accommodate the crazy right he looks like Richard III in reverse. Mitt’s the likeable guy nobody in the GOP likes, and it seems his ‘fire in the belly’ has turned to acid reflux -- which is why he’ll be quitting after he fails to come in first in the New Hampshire primary. The Money Men in the GOP have apparently decided his goods are too tainted by long exposure to sunlight, so they’re looking elsewhere, and many of the Christopublican rank-and-file aren’t enthused that he’s a Mormon.
Then there’s the popped 1990s bubble of Newt Gingrich, who hangs himself with his own tongue every time he opens his mouth. ‘Champaign Newt,’ who’s collected millions of bucks in his risible alter-egos of ‘Adulterous Defender of Family Values,’ ‘Professor of Fictitious History’ and ‘Knuckle-Dragging Conservative Intellectual,’ has diligently shoveled so much crap for so long that he’s incapable of giving a straight answer anymore. When asked about his respectable Republican-Cloth-Coat account at snooty Tiffany’s that amounted to $500,000 in charges, Newtie mumbled awkwardly and danced around a forthright answer, this following on the heels of his embarrassing, even for a Republican, 24-hour about-face on Paul Ryan’s mad plan to eviscerate Medicare. Although Newt apparently doesn’t think his personal hypocrisy matters, convenient for a man who has made a career of sanctimonious lip service to moral precepts he doesn’t actually practice, GOP primary voters may have a different opinion. He, too, will quit in the snows of New Hampshire and no doubt find a way to blame liberals for his rejection by his own party.
Rick Santorum is such a lugnut even some Christopublicans who fear mass bestiality breaking out in the streets should a gay couple marry can’t stand him. In a year when economic issues far outweigh the perverse moral concerns of mouth-breathers like St. Santorum, he’ll fade out in Iowa; broke, miserable and about as popular as Fred Phelps, the virulently anti-gay pastor of the far-from-Christian Westboro Baptist Church. Of course by 2013, Rough ‘n’ Ready Rick, out of politics, will divorce his wife and emerge from the closet, professing his enduring love for a German Shepherd/Dalmatian mix named Rollo.
Then there’s the former GOP governor of New Mexico Gary Johnson. No reason to tarry much on this entry; Johnson shows flashes of sanity and decency that will automatically invalidate him for the Republican nomination. He’s out in Iowa as well.
Godfather pizza-peddler Herman Cain, who I understand was a black man at one time, has enough grease-coated cash to stay in until South Carolina, and maybe beyond. In the same cynical GOP race-pandering that made Michael Steele head of the RNC, party bigwigs think they might have a chance in 2012 by putting Cain in the Veep slot with Pawlenty heading the ticket. Cain will appease the hard-right and nab a few stray African-American votes while Pawlenty desperately tries to convince general-election voters that he really doesn’t believe all the things he said he believed in during the primary campaign without looking like an outrageous liar and hypocrite. But, in the wake of the GOP debacle in the Rust Belt states and Paul Ryan’s ‘kick grandma from the train’ Medicare voucher plan, the chances of this working are about the same as Donald Trump keeping his hair in place during a high wind or speaking the truth in two consecutive sentences.
Meanwhile, Tea Party Queen Bee Michele Bachmann has yet to declare, but her avid desire to make Big Money should she lose her House seat next election will compel her to run, at least until the Republican Big Daddy, the moneyed elite that own the party, take the keys away. She’ll probably win Iowa, then be quickly forgotten after she utters yet another imbecilic interpretation of the Constitution or is caught in a low-cut slinky dress shooting craps in Las Vegas and drunkenly groping a man not her husband.
That brings us to Sister Sarah of the Steppes, you know, ‘America’s Tweetheart’ who just loves Alaska so much she did a hideous 13-episode ‘reality’ TV show about it. Seems she's moving ‘Real America’ into a humble $1.6 million mega-mansion in Scottsdale, Arizona, because that whole huntin’ an’ fishin’ 'Grizzly Mama' thing just didn't work out for her professionally-manicured nails. (Maybe now she'll be the 'Gila Monster Mama.') Like Little Bush, she managed to unite her home state -- she's hated by both the right and the left up there -- and Obama is more popular in AK than Palin these days. She's not really running for president, just stretching out the drama to keep up waning media interest and the concomitant cash flow attached to her declining fame. After all, if she ran she'd have to give up her million-a-year job at Fox, spend some of her own money on campaigning, and give speeches for free, and it costs a bundle to keep a mansion with a pool going.
As for anybody else, Chris Christie, the Republican answer to Tony Soprano, is smart enough to understand that he’d be in for a presidential drubbing in 2012. He will confine himself to his New Jersey playpen, awaiting his removal from office in the next election, thereby depriving us of a potential Christie/Pawlenty ticket that would resemble a resurrection of Oliver Hardy and Stan Laurel at their comedy height.
Jeb Bush? Really, has enough time passed for a Bush scion to enter the race without the eruption of widespread laughter followed by the look one gets when bile rises unexpectedly in the mouth? I think not. Aside from his inept older brother’s running the country into a ditch, Jeb has way too much unwashed laundry in the hamper to risk a presidential run in 2012. He’s aiming at 2016 and hoping the public memory of his family’s battering of the American Dream has subsided by then.
Some of the wingnuttier pundits have even suggested Paul Ryan, the man who was booed and chastised by a hand-picked audience in his recent ill-conceived visit to his home district in Wisconsin to sell his misbegotten budget that would actually increase the deficit it is supposed to curtail. Democrats would no doubt cheer and even contribute money to a Ryan presidential candidacy: with the polls saying that 80 to 90 percent of America loathes his Medicare voucher plan, the author appearing daily on the news trying to sell his nightmare would guarantee a landslide to Obama and the Democrats in 2012. Forget the presidency or V.P. slot, Ryan will be very lucky if he can retain his seat in the House.
Only a fool would make a prediction this early, so I'm calling Pawlenty/Cain as the GOP sacrificial lambs in 2012.
** Translation to English: ‘Incredible, you fell for our horse manure again!’
© 2011 RS Janes.
http://tattlesnake.blogspot.com
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Monday, May 09, 2011
Right-Wing Sock Puppets Pretending to Be Liberals Assault Progressive Websites
Ignorant, peevish, narrow-minded, misinformed, livid, intolerant, they are an army of everything that's wrong with America, denizens of a weird trickster God who speaks to them with words they don't completely understand, or tints their natural interior wrath with righteous anger conferred by snake-oil preachers or haughty cable charlatans either crass or crazed, or just slyly in it for the money, or all of the above.
This minority wouldn't matter much except they are whipped into a frenzy and 'played' by cynical manipulators like Frank Luntz, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck who, in turn, wouldn't have much impact without the billions of dollars spent to spread their fetid message from such right-wing corporatists as Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch and the Koch brothers.
But beneath the second-tier video fictions of James O’Keefe and Andrew Breitbart, and the hollow-headed bleating of the various ozone-inhabiting creatures who will never be president like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, and even in the shadow of the disingenuous theocratic mushpile that is David Barton’s twisted view of our history, exists a well-funded Republican netherworld of PR propagandists and marketing hucksters busy dreaming up unethical new ways to undercut Obama and the Democrats.
One of these is Doug Goetzloe, an anti-tax right-wing talk show host and former Young Republican who heads up Advantage Consultants. Here is the copy from one of his ads advising his conservative clients to ‘flood the zone’ on progressive sites:
“Are you ready for a blog attack?
“Get ahead of your opponent with Professional Blog Warriors.
“Be prepared to ‘flood the zone’ with comments from professionals who are ready to put your talking points on the blogosphere 24/7.
“Whether it's defense or offense, Advantage Consultants has a dedicated team of experienced blog warriors ready to advance your candidate or campaign.
“Why wait for the attack? Launch your attack with a battery of blog and forum comments aimed at all media and blog sites in your district.
“Contact us today and let us show you the Advantage in professional blog warfare.”
-- See the Advantage Consultants ad here.
Then there’s Chip Griffin, head of the now defunct NetVocates that planted comments as Advantage Consultants does back in 2005, and is still a Republican activist and PR man who was once associated with the far-right TownHall.com. Griffin is no doubt back on the scene as a sock-puppet master for the 2012 elections -- it’s what he does for a living.
A poster named TomCADem recently made these points at Democratic Underground:
“However, what is often ignored are right wing/corporate funded political operatives generating attacks on Democrats from the ‘left’ while giving Republicans a free pass. Of course, these operatives do not announce their intentions, but instead simply launch attacks on Democrats from the left while largely ignoring the far more extreme positions of Republicans or suggesting that there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans. However, occasionally, such operatives are caught engaging in these fraudulent acts.
“The question in 2012 with Republicans and corporate American intent on taking back the White House, killing unions, and privatizing Medicare, [is] how far will Republicans and corporate propaganda groups go in their efforts to organize sock puppet attacks on Democrats from the left in order to undermine support for Democrats among liberals?”
-- Posted in “‘Liberal’ Sock Puppets – Right Wing/Corporate Operatives Attacking Democrats From The ‘Left’,” April 26, 2011.
How far? The GOP is desperate to enact their anti-democratic corporate agenda as quickly as possible as they know the general public is catching onto them -- they will go as far as mountains of corporate money and a total lack of conscience or ethics will take them.
Some on the progressive side are already well aware that the GOP is, and has been at least since 2005, mounting a large and well-funded campaign to plant phony 'progressives sick of the Dems' comments on various liberal sites to split the vote. Their masters know the psychology well: a percentage of the population, no matter what their politics, is 'suggestible,' meaning if they read a string of comments excoriating ALL Democrats as frauds and liars, that will become their opinion, if nothing to the contrary is offered. These 'suggestibles' are not necessarily stupid, but they do readily conform to whatever opinion is dominant. That's why the GOP, through their paid operatives, flood progressive sites with so-called 'former Democrats' and 'angry progressives' who do nothing but harp on how horrible the Democrats and Obama are. It's insidious and underhanded, but look at who's doing it -- the party of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder and Ohio Gov. John Kasich. All of them were elected on a promise of jobs and better times, only to use their office to reward the wealthy with tax cuts and lucrative contracts privatizing public services at the expense of middle-class families who work for a living.
At one time, some of the 'tells' of the right-wing ‘sock puppet’ troll was their use of terms such as 'DemoRATS' or ‘Demonrats’ for Democrats, and their repeatedly calling Obama 'Obummer,' 'Obomber' or 'Obomba.' But they've mostly changed that language as actual progressives began to notice those repeated constructions and the fetid and simpleminded opinions attached to them. Some current 'tells' are when they don't mention the GOP at all, or claim both parties are just as 'evil,' or try to shut down the conversation with insults, or push readers to vote for any third party, or say that they'd rather vote for a Republican than a Democrat, or make statements with no factual basis, or refer you to a right-wing website to ‘confirm’ their assertions.
Incidentally, there is no comparable effort by the left: if you try to post comments opposing the GOP or corporatists at right-wing sites, in most cases you will quickly be banned from posting there and your comments removed. They aren't about to let the other side play their game on them, even if we had the money to fund such slimy baloney and the inclination to do so.
Our only protection against such ersatz assaults is to use our heads and common sense: if someone is a little ‘too’ enraged at Obama and the Democrats, be suspicious, especially if they never talk about Republicans. Ask them a couple of polite intelligent questions on the comment thread’s topic; if they respond by condemning or insulting you for questioning them rather than engaging you, they’re likely a sock-puppet troll; it’s in their nature to consider any question or disagreement as tantamount to treason. Also, if they keep reposting basically the same idea in one comment thread, they’re probably a sock-puppet troll; they’ve been instructed by their masters that repetition works. And don’t be swayed if they accuse you of being a ‘shill’ or ‘troll’ for questioning them -- they are trained to do that.
Finally, always remember: you can pretend to be a progressive, but you can’t pretend to be smart, and these paid ‘blog warriors’ decidedly aren’t.
"The key point is that ever since the Reagan years, the Republican Party has been dominated by radicals — ideologues and/or apparatchiks who, at a fundamental level, do not accept anyone else’s right to govern."
-- Paul Krugman, "The Politics of Spite," NY Times, Oct. 5, 2009.
Copyright © 2011 RS Janes.
This minority wouldn't matter much except they are whipped into a frenzy and 'played' by cynical manipulators like Frank Luntz, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck who, in turn, wouldn't have much impact without the billions of dollars spent to spread their fetid message from such right-wing corporatists as Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch and the Koch brothers.
But beneath the second-tier video fictions of James O’Keefe and Andrew Breitbart, and the hollow-headed bleating of the various ozone-inhabiting creatures who will never be president like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, and even in the shadow of the disingenuous theocratic mushpile that is David Barton’s twisted view of our history, exists a well-funded Republican netherworld of PR propagandists and marketing hucksters busy dreaming up unethical new ways to undercut Obama and the Democrats.
One of these is Doug Goetzloe, an anti-tax right-wing talk show host and former Young Republican who heads up Advantage Consultants. Here is the copy from one of his ads advising his conservative clients to ‘flood the zone’ on progressive sites:
“Are you ready for a blog attack?
“Get ahead of your opponent with Professional Blog Warriors.
“Be prepared to ‘flood the zone’ with comments from professionals who are ready to put your talking points on the blogosphere 24/7.
“Whether it's defense or offense, Advantage Consultants has a dedicated team of experienced blog warriors ready to advance your candidate or campaign.
“Why wait for the attack? Launch your attack with a battery of blog and forum comments aimed at all media and blog sites in your district.
“Contact us today and let us show you the Advantage in professional blog warfare.”
-- See the Advantage Consultants ad here.
Then there’s Chip Griffin, head of the now defunct NetVocates that planted comments as Advantage Consultants does back in 2005, and is still a Republican activist and PR man who was once associated with the far-right TownHall.com. Griffin is no doubt back on the scene as a sock-puppet master for the 2012 elections -- it’s what he does for a living.
A poster named TomCADem recently made these points at Democratic Underground:
“However, what is often ignored are right wing/corporate funded political operatives generating attacks on Democrats from the ‘left’ while giving Republicans a free pass. Of course, these operatives do not announce their intentions, but instead simply launch attacks on Democrats from the left while largely ignoring the far more extreme positions of Republicans or suggesting that there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans. However, occasionally, such operatives are caught engaging in these fraudulent acts.
“The question in 2012 with Republicans and corporate American intent on taking back the White House, killing unions, and privatizing Medicare, [is] how far will Republicans and corporate propaganda groups go in their efforts to organize sock puppet attacks on Democrats from the left in order to undermine support for Democrats among liberals?”
-- Posted in “‘Liberal’ Sock Puppets – Right Wing/Corporate Operatives Attacking Democrats From The ‘Left’,” April 26, 2011.
How far? The GOP is desperate to enact their anti-democratic corporate agenda as quickly as possible as they know the general public is catching onto them -- they will go as far as mountains of corporate money and a total lack of conscience or ethics will take them.
Some on the progressive side are already well aware that the GOP is, and has been at least since 2005, mounting a large and well-funded campaign to plant phony 'progressives sick of the Dems' comments on various liberal sites to split the vote. Their masters know the psychology well: a percentage of the population, no matter what their politics, is 'suggestible,' meaning if they read a string of comments excoriating ALL Democrats as frauds and liars, that will become their opinion, if nothing to the contrary is offered. These 'suggestibles' are not necessarily stupid, but they do readily conform to whatever opinion is dominant. That's why the GOP, through their paid operatives, flood progressive sites with so-called 'former Democrats' and 'angry progressives' who do nothing but harp on how horrible the Democrats and Obama are. It's insidious and underhanded, but look at who's doing it -- the party of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder and Ohio Gov. John Kasich. All of them were elected on a promise of jobs and better times, only to use their office to reward the wealthy with tax cuts and lucrative contracts privatizing public services at the expense of middle-class families who work for a living.
At one time, some of the 'tells' of the right-wing ‘sock puppet’ troll was their use of terms such as 'DemoRATS' or ‘Demonrats’ for Democrats, and their repeatedly calling Obama 'Obummer,' 'Obomber' or 'Obomba.' But they've mostly changed that language as actual progressives began to notice those repeated constructions and the fetid and simpleminded opinions attached to them. Some current 'tells' are when they don't mention the GOP at all, or claim both parties are just as 'evil,' or try to shut down the conversation with insults, or push readers to vote for any third party, or say that they'd rather vote for a Republican than a Democrat, or make statements with no factual basis, or refer you to a right-wing website to ‘confirm’ their assertions.
Incidentally, there is no comparable effort by the left: if you try to post comments opposing the GOP or corporatists at right-wing sites, in most cases you will quickly be banned from posting there and your comments removed. They aren't about to let the other side play their game on them, even if we had the money to fund such slimy baloney and the inclination to do so.
Our only protection against such ersatz assaults is to use our heads and common sense: if someone is a little ‘too’ enraged at Obama and the Democrats, be suspicious, especially if they never talk about Republicans. Ask them a couple of polite intelligent questions on the comment thread’s topic; if they respond by condemning or insulting you for questioning them rather than engaging you, they’re likely a sock-puppet troll; it’s in their nature to consider any question or disagreement as tantamount to treason. Also, if they keep reposting basically the same idea in one comment thread, they’re probably a sock-puppet troll; they’ve been instructed by their masters that repetition works. And don’t be swayed if they accuse you of being a ‘shill’ or ‘troll’ for questioning them -- they are trained to do that.
Finally, always remember: you can pretend to be a progressive, but you can’t pretend to be smart, and these paid ‘blog warriors’ decidedly aren’t.
"The key point is that ever since the Reagan years, the Republican Party has been dominated by radicals — ideologues and/or apparatchiks who, at a fundamental level, do not accept anyone else’s right to govern."
-- Paul Krugman, "The Politics of Spite," NY Times, Oct. 5, 2009.
Copyright © 2011 RS Janes.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Donald Trump’s Guide to Business Ethics
This was mostly finished before bin Laden was killed and wiped ‘The Donald’ off the Big Media radar. But I thought I’d post it anyway, before this pompous fraud descends to the obscurity he 'richly' deserves.
Left click on image to enlarge.
Left click on image to enlarge.Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Bin Laden Killing Assures Obama’s Reelection in 2012
It’s a sad fact that a sizable section of the voting public, colloquially known as Low-Information Voters (LIV), doesn’t pay close attention to politics, history or much else of serious importance to their futures. If they happen to be women, they can be found glued to shopping channels, ‘reality’ TV shows or Oprah; if men, they are usually focused on sports, video games or action films.
While we progressives can endlessly debate the nuances of Obama ordering the killing of Osama bin Laden, the LIV have already made up their minds: Obama is now the 'kick ass' president who brought down bin Laden, outdoing even Junior Bush, a previous favorite of this crowd because he invaded Iraq and kicked Saddam Hussein’s ass, even if Iraq and Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11. (Some of them still think he did.)
Most of us know or are related to members of the LIV contingent; these are the celebrators who were deliriously waving the flag, pumping their fists in the air and chanting ‘USA, USA’ in venues around the country after the news of bin Laden’s death was reported last Sunday. I have been drinking in neighborhood bars with the LIV for decades, and know how they think. They love Dirty Harry/Rambo kick ass commanders-in-chief and Obama just joined that group. No ambiguity here: bin Laden deserved to die and Obama killed him, despite the fact that al-Qaeda will not be put out of business, any more than the Gambino crime family ceased to exist when Carlo Gambino died.
Hilariously and pathetically, some Republicans are trying give Little Bush credit for bin Laden’s demise, refusing to mention Obama, but even the demented bloviator Rush Limbaugh, Reagan’s parsimonious mouthpiece Peggy Noonan and that troglodyte Rep. Peter King are complimenting Obama for killing Osama. And what does the GOP have in the presidential bullpen to respond -- Trump's wild hair, Romney's scintillating personality, Huckabee's huckster Christianity, Pawlenty’s passive-aggressive puling, Bachmann's Tea Party overdrive?
Also worth noting is that by this action Obama gained support from many in the military, proving to them he is no academic liberal wimp unwilling to ‘pull the trigger’ on the terrorists.
Obama is now the kick ass commander-in-chief and, in America, kick ass commanders-in-chief always win reelection, except for Poppy Bush. (Even his own party hated him for not going into Baghdad and taking out Saddam Hussein during the First Gulf War -- and the LIV loathed him.)
Short of a full-blown Great Depression-style economic collapse, Obama just sealed his 2012 win and the LIV and military will be his margin of victory.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes.
While we progressives can endlessly debate the nuances of Obama ordering the killing of Osama bin Laden, the LIV have already made up their minds: Obama is now the 'kick ass' president who brought down bin Laden, outdoing even Junior Bush, a previous favorite of this crowd because he invaded Iraq and kicked Saddam Hussein’s ass, even if Iraq and Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11. (Some of them still think he did.)
Most of us know or are related to members of the LIV contingent; these are the celebrators who were deliriously waving the flag, pumping their fists in the air and chanting ‘USA, USA’ in venues around the country after the news of bin Laden’s death was reported last Sunday. I have been drinking in neighborhood bars with the LIV for decades, and know how they think. They love Dirty Harry/Rambo kick ass commanders-in-chief and Obama just joined that group. No ambiguity here: bin Laden deserved to die and Obama killed him, despite the fact that al-Qaeda will not be put out of business, any more than the Gambino crime family ceased to exist when Carlo Gambino died.
Hilariously and pathetically, some Republicans are trying give Little Bush credit for bin Laden’s demise, refusing to mention Obama, but even the demented bloviator Rush Limbaugh, Reagan’s parsimonious mouthpiece Peggy Noonan and that troglodyte Rep. Peter King are complimenting Obama for killing Osama. And what does the GOP have in the presidential bullpen to respond -- Trump's wild hair, Romney's scintillating personality, Huckabee's huckster Christianity, Pawlenty’s passive-aggressive puling, Bachmann's Tea Party overdrive?
Also worth noting is that by this action Obama gained support from many in the military, proving to them he is no academic liberal wimp unwilling to ‘pull the trigger’ on the terrorists.
Obama is now the kick ass commander-in-chief and, in America, kick ass commanders-in-chief always win reelection, except for Poppy Bush. (Even his own party hated him for not going into Baghdad and taking out Saddam Hussein during the First Gulf War -- and the LIV loathed him.)
Short of a full-blown Great Depression-style economic collapse, Obama just sealed his 2012 win and the LIV and military will be his margin of victory.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Top Five Corporate Tax Cheats
Before pushing grandma down the stairs by ‘reforming’ her Medicare and Social Security benefits out of existence, why not go after these god-awful drains on our treasury? Here are five examples of profitable corporations that pay no or low federal income taxes, yet extract much of their profit margin from the American economy. It’s past time for them to pay, as a percentage of their income, at least as much as the average public school teacher or firefighter in Wisconsin.
Want to balance the budget? Start here:
1. General Electric has made over $26 billion in profits in the past five years, with $5 billion from the US market just last year, on which it paid zero federal income taxes. It’s also received a hefty $4.1 billion refund from the IRS. Despite this generosity on the part of the American taxpayer, over the last nine years GE has shipped one-fifth of its jobs overseas and used every trick available to avoid paying US taxes. This is bringing good things to life? (BTW, Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, is sometimes called the father of modern outsourcing.)
2. ExxonMobil. This oil giant paid no federal income taxes in 2009 on $19 billion in profit, and even received a tidy $156 million rebate from the IRS. How do you get a tax rebate when you haven’t paid any taxes? On what planet does this make any sense?
3. Goldman Sachs paid only 1.1 percent in taxes on a profit of $2.9 billion in 2008, on top of the $800 billion provided by US taxpayers to save them from extinction. Time for another bonus, boys?
4. Citigroup ‘earned’ more than $4 billion in profits last year, yet paid no federal income taxes. Incidentally, like Goldman Sachs, they’re only in business thanks to a generous bailout from the US taxpayer; for Citigroup, that came to a neat $2.5 trillion. Despite this, Citibank continues to raise its fees and specialize in providing poor service to its customers.
5. Bank of America racked up $4.4 billion in profits last year, and received a $1.9 billion refund from the IRS. Since US taxpayers saved BoA from extinction with a $1 trillion bailout, why are they getting a $1.9 billion refund? I’m tired of asking on what planet this makes any sense.
And this is only the tip of our economic Titanic’s iceberg. If we’re going to have any future that doesn’t include our citizens rooting through dumpsters for dinner, these profitable corporations, et al, and the wealthy people who run them, are going to have to pay their fair share in taxes. For some reason, Paul Ryan forgot to include this in his hilarious Republican ‘budget.’
(Figures adapted in part from Sen. Bernie Sanders’ “Guide to Corporate Freeloaders.”)
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Want to balance the budget? Start here:
1. General Electric has made over $26 billion in profits in the past five years, with $5 billion from the US market just last year, on which it paid zero federal income taxes. It’s also received a hefty $4.1 billion refund from the IRS. Despite this generosity on the part of the American taxpayer, over the last nine years GE has shipped one-fifth of its jobs overseas and used every trick available to avoid paying US taxes. This is bringing good things to life? (BTW, Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, is sometimes called the father of modern outsourcing.)
2. ExxonMobil. This oil giant paid no federal income taxes in 2009 on $19 billion in profit, and even received a tidy $156 million rebate from the IRS. How do you get a tax rebate when you haven’t paid any taxes? On what planet does this make any sense?
3. Goldman Sachs paid only 1.1 percent in taxes on a profit of $2.9 billion in 2008, on top of the $800 billion provided by US taxpayers to save them from extinction. Time for another bonus, boys?
4. Citigroup ‘earned’ more than $4 billion in profits last year, yet paid no federal income taxes. Incidentally, like Goldman Sachs, they’re only in business thanks to a generous bailout from the US taxpayer; for Citigroup, that came to a neat $2.5 trillion. Despite this, Citibank continues to raise its fees and specialize in providing poor service to its customers.
5. Bank of America racked up $4.4 billion in profits last year, and received a $1.9 billion refund from the IRS. Since US taxpayers saved BoA from extinction with a $1 trillion bailout, why are they getting a $1.9 billion refund? I’m tired of asking on what planet this makes any sense.
And this is only the tip of our economic Titanic’s iceberg. If we’re going to have any future that doesn’t include our citizens rooting through dumpsters for dinner, these profitable corporations, et al, and the wealthy people who run them, are going to have to pay their fair share in taxes. For some reason, Paul Ryan forgot to include this in his hilarious Republican ‘budget.’
(Figures adapted in part from Sen. Bernie Sanders’ “Guide to Corporate Freeloaders.”)
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Tattlesnake -- Was Donald Trump Born in Jamaica, South Africa or Mexico?
Now there seems to be some question about Donald Trump’s birthplace. (That those questions were apparently invented out of thin air, possibly for humorous reasons, is of no consequence.) As we know from the example of the right-wring media, any question involving your place of birth must be answered by a slew of legal documents which they will then reject as forgeries and demand more, just as Trump, to goose up his pathetic TV show’s ratings with a presidential bid, is demanding that Obama release his ‘long form’ birth certificate since the short form, adequate for obtaining a US passport or entering the military, just isn’t enough for the blubbery mass of ham and ego some call “The Donald.”
Consider this: Not one person at the Jamaica, New York, hospital where Trump claims to have been born remembers his birth, as far as I care to find out. Aside from that, Trump’s alleged ‘real’ birth certificate doesn’t specify it is a hospital in Jamaica ‘New York’ -- it simply says “The Jamaica Hospital.” What is Trump trying to pull here, MON? Was he born in the islands and smuggled into dis country?
And where are the contemporaneous 1946 newspaper birth announcements for the baby Donald? Obama has provided two; Trump has provided zero. And look closely at the signatures of the hospital administrator and attending physician -- are we to believe Walt Disney was running Jamaica Hospital in 1946 and a ‘Dr. John E. Conqueroo M.D.’ delivered Donald Trump?
Below, Dr. Kevin Rooney, a birth certificate expert and well-respected forensic doctor simply because I want him to be one, makes a compelling argument that Trump was born in South Africa and didn’t enter the United States until he was 15. (Just ask yourself: do you know of anyone who saw Trump in this country as a child?)
Some malcontents may argue that Dr. Rooney’s South Africa theory is short on facts, but, IMO, what it lacks in factual content it more than makes up for in bold, risible audacity. Besides, how can you argue with a copy of Trump’s real South African birth certificate? Who could possibly have the expertise and desire to forge something like that?
Donald Trump's Real Birth Certificate Reveals He Is a Foreigner
“Trump was born in South Africa. His father was there on business (buying diamonds) and conceived Trump with a woman he met there. You can see her Dutch genes in Trump, the light reddish hair and very fair skin is Low Country Dutch. Donald Trump was raised in Cape Town according to strict Dutch customs which are very socialistic. (This is where he developed his great relationship with "the blacks.")
“When Trump was fifteen he was brought to New York by his father. Trump never talked about his South African background for fear of reprisals by Americans who hated apartheid.
“Two years ago, when Obama was elected, Trump decided to run for president. He spent three and a half million dollars over two years manufacturing an American birth certificate, bribed doctors and nurses to say they had been present at his birth, and even hiring for life a troupe of actors to play his childhood American friends, college classmates and professors, etc. He has a staff dedicated to manufacturing articles about his ‘life’ in America, etc. He is hoping to become President of the United States, beef up its military by cutting off all unemployment funds, and finally invade South Africa and reinstate apartheid so his elderly mother can go to the beach without a gun. …”
Another eminent historian has advanced the theory that Trump was actually born in Mexico. Read it all at “Was Donald Trump Born in Mexico?”
I think it is incumbent upon Trump to withdraw from the GOP presidential derby and public life until he can prove where he was born to my satisfaction.
2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org
Consider this: Not one person at the Jamaica, New York, hospital where Trump claims to have been born remembers his birth, as far as I care to find out. Aside from that, Trump’s alleged ‘real’ birth certificate doesn’t specify it is a hospital in Jamaica ‘New York’ -- it simply says “The Jamaica Hospital.” What is Trump trying to pull here, MON? Was he born in the islands and smuggled into dis country?
And where are the contemporaneous 1946 newspaper birth announcements for the baby Donald? Obama has provided two; Trump has provided zero. And look closely at the signatures of the hospital administrator and attending physician -- are we to believe Walt Disney was running Jamaica Hospital in 1946 and a ‘Dr. John E. Conqueroo M.D.’ delivered Donald Trump?Below, Dr. Kevin Rooney, a birth certificate expert and well-respected forensic doctor simply because I want him to be one, makes a compelling argument that Trump was born in South Africa and didn’t enter the United States until he was 15. (Just ask yourself: do you know of anyone who saw Trump in this country as a child?)
Some malcontents may argue that Dr. Rooney’s South Africa theory is short on facts, but, IMO, what it lacks in factual content it more than makes up for in bold, risible audacity. Besides, how can you argue with a copy of Trump’s real South African birth certificate? Who could possibly have the expertise and desire to forge something like that?
Donald Trump's Real Birth Certificate Reveals He Is a Foreigner
“Trump was born in South Africa. His father was there on business (buying diamonds) and conceived Trump with a woman he met there. You can see her Dutch genes in Trump, the light reddish hair and very fair skin is Low Country Dutch. Donald Trump was raised in Cape Town according to strict Dutch customs which are very socialistic. (This is where he developed his great relationship with "the blacks.")“When Trump was fifteen he was brought to New York by his father. Trump never talked about his South African background for fear of reprisals by Americans who hated apartheid.
“Two years ago, when Obama was elected, Trump decided to run for president. He spent three and a half million dollars over two years manufacturing an American birth certificate, bribed doctors and nurses to say they had been present at his birth, and even hiring for life a troupe of actors to play his childhood American friends, college classmates and professors, etc. He has a staff dedicated to manufacturing articles about his ‘life’ in America, etc. He is hoping to become President of the United States, beef up its military by cutting off all unemployment funds, and finally invade South Africa and reinstate apartheid so his elderly mother can go to the beach without a gun. …”
Another eminent historian has advanced the theory that Trump was actually born in Mexico. Read it all at “Was Donald Trump Born in Mexico?”
I think it is incumbent upon Trump to withdraw from the GOP presidential derby and public life until he can prove where he was born to my satisfaction.
2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Facts of the Leisure Class
"All business sagacity reduces itself in the last analysis to the judicious use of sabotage."
-- Thorstein Veblen, author of "The Theory of the Leisure Class."
Left click on image to enlarge.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Saturday, April 09, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Part Deux Edition
More short sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
WI Supreme Court Justice David Prosser – Proudly relying on a former underling and ardent GOP activist to discover more than enough 'accidentally uncounted' votes two days after losing the election to miraculously make him the victor, Prosser has shown himself to be in the same league of unembarrassed conservative judicial giants as Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas. No doubt if there is ever again a Republican president haunting the White House, Prosser will be at the top of his or her list of US Supreme Court nominees, eclipsed only by the fine legal minds of Scooter Libby, Louie Gohmert and Orly Taitz.
Ann Coulter – Anorexic in appearance; emaciated in thought; bulimic in speech. In other words, she never changes.
Mike Huckabee – His Christian devotion to integrity would be breathtaking to behold at some point in the future. As it is, we just have to take his assurance that he follows the teachings of Jesus on faith, as no independent evidence exists to confirm this assertion.
President Barack Obama – Apparently content to advance through constant retreat which, if you believe the world is round, would eventually result in him sneaking up on his enemies from behind. Conversely, his political opponents believe the world is flat, which is why they're falling off the edge like lemmings. In any race to the bottom, Obama's antagonists have the shorter drop.
GOP 'House Budget Czar' Rep. Paul Ryan – A man whose idea of balancing the budget involves giving away money to the rich and then hoping they will take pity on your impoverished state and provide you with a good job. It's part of the lethal charm of Republican reptiles to insist that this 'perpetual motion machine' of economic thought, which has failed repeatedly in the past, is sure to work this time around. Of course, Ryan himself will have a good job in the future, in or out of politics, inadvertently paid for by the destitute taxpayers without their knowledge.
NJ Gov. Chris Christie – In a large bowl, combine tasty tax cuts for the well-heeled with budget-cutting zeal strained through a sieve with tea infused with Bush Republican crapola. Mix with whatever Ann Coulter's drinking heavily and add a heaping cup of Il Duce's state corporatism. Put in the oven for four years at high heat and – voila! – you have an oven ruined by an unpalatable mess fit only for the trash that is no longer being picked up in New Jersey regularly since the governor privatized the service to break the union.
WI Gov. Scott Walker – His politics honor King Louis XVI, his speeches Newt Gingrich, his 'toughness' a box of rocks, while his eyes pay homage to Mad Magazine's Alfred E. Neuman. One could easily see him in the White House, cleaning up after Bo, and it may be the only job he can get after angry Wisconsin voters recall him next year – it's definitely the only one he's qualified to do.
AZ Gov. Jan Brewer – What happens when a batch of mean goes sour.
Newt Gingrich – He has the fire in the belly, the snow on the roof, the fourth lady-in-waiting, millions in the bank, and the fringe-conservative hamster furiously navigating the CPAC exercise wheel to guarantee his shot at abject failure in the 2012 GOP presidential primaries. Since Newt has an incredibly large vocabulary of words to express his puny ideas and historical deviances, nothing will stop him from embarrassing himself by losing to Sarah Palin in the first few primaries.
Donald Trump – Teabaggers and other neoconservative halfwits would be well disposed to take advice from a failure who couldn’t turn a profit from an Atlantic City casino and can't get a gambling license in Nevada due to his history of bankruptcy. In fact, the only thing that 'The Donald' has ever made money from is his pathetic TV show wherein he hilariously fulfills the rubber-room delusions of his marketing staff by pretending to be a smart businessman. A more perfect presidential candidate reflecting the current state of the Republican Party does not exist. Trump is their man and, if somehow elected, would doubtless spend four years concentrating on his weekly reality show, "Who Wants to Work in the White House?" while the nation further crumbles.
The Koch Brothers – Nuts 'n' money, honey, and a rich Republican's joke is always funny, especially from a couple of billionaire sons of Birchers. They are incontrovertible verification of Dorothy Parker's line: "If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to," but even the late, great Algonquin Round Table wit never imagined the Almighty would stoop this low for a laugh.
Mitt Romney – Loose rumor claims that, during Romney family vacations, it was actually the Mittster who was tied to the roof of the car while the dog drove the station wagon, but let's not go down that road. It's also claimed the charismatic former governor of Massachusetts can charm a roomful of supporters into needing a nap within five minutes flat. His firm handshake is reminiscent of grabbing a dead cod, his personal history is redolent with mirthful myth and confounding flip-flops, and his political notions are agreeably GOP incoherent, plus he's rich and he wants to be president, making him the perfect choice to be the Republican sacrificial tiger in 2012.
Sen. John Thune – Mitt Romney without the zesty personality and sense of dignity.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Monday, April 04, 2011
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Friday, April 01, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Tattlesnake -- Wordy-Gurdy Name Quiz
Just for fun, grab a pencil and paper and try to find the three-word name combinations of prominent people in politics, history and the arts from each clue.
Example:
Clue: Hit the road, Congressman
Name: Ray Charles Rangel
1. Clue: Piano Man Sun-Tanned
2. Clue: Shrugged the Aqua Buddha Senator
3. Clue: Blond-Haired De-Angler
4. Clue: Offbeat Comedian Astroturfer
5. Clue: Code Pink Prime Israeli
6. Clue: Disaster Progressive News Anchor
7. Clue: Chess Records' Okie Senator At Last
8. Clue: Enthusiasm Curbed Tea Party Billionaire
9. Clue: Oscar General Badger Governor
10. Clue: Traitor for Gold and Golden Bear Musclehead
Answers below in Comments section.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Example:
Clue: Hit the road, Congressman
Name: Ray Charles Rangel
1. Clue: Piano Man Sun-Tanned
2. Clue: Shrugged the Aqua Buddha Senator
3. Clue: Blond-Haired De-Angler
4. Clue: Offbeat Comedian Astroturfer
5. Clue: Code Pink Prime Israeli
6. Clue: Disaster Progressive News Anchor
7. Clue: Chess Records' Okie Senator At Last
8. Clue: Enthusiasm Curbed Tea Party Billionaire
9. Clue: Oscar General Badger Governor
10. Clue: Traitor for Gold and Golden Bear Musclehead
Answers below in Comments section.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
What If Fox News Targeted the Irish the Way They Target Muslims and Hispanics?
Left click on image to enlarge.HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
Corporations Are Lying to Us About the Dangers of Japan's Nuclear Meltdown
It's summed up in the emphasized third sentence – if nuclear power plant owners followed every safety precaution, they couldn't make any money. Neocon Republicans love to spread fear by doting on lurid tales of the destruction that could be wrought by a 'dirty-bomb' nuclear device in the hands of a terrorist – so far, 'peaceful' nuclear power has killed more people than Al-Qaeda, but you won't hear the GOP complain; they are, after all, a paid arm of the nuclear power industry.
"…[I]t's been normal for this company in the past [lying to the public]. It's normal for the industry to some extent.
"It's a highly ideological industry, and it also involves a lot of concentration of political power, as well as physical power. And those institutions become very powerful, very close to the regulators, and an adversarial culture develops where they're constantly pushing against the safety measures, because that`s where the money is.
"If you did every single thing that you -- that was possible to make it safe, then you couldn't make any money."
-- Greg Mello of the Los Alamos Study Group on MSNBC's "Hardball," March 15, 2011, talking about the Japanese nuclear plants. [Emphasis
mine.]
"Nuclear plants the world over must be certified for what is called 'SQ' or 'Seismic Qualification.' That is, the owners swear that all components are designed for the maximum conceivable shaking event, be it from an earthquake or an exploding Christmas card from Al Qaeda.
"The most inexpensive way to meet your SQ is to lie. The industry does it all the time. The government team I worked with caught them once, in 1988, at the Shoreham plant in New York. Correcting the SQ problem at Shoreham would have cost a cool billion, so engineers were told to change the tests from 'failed' to 'passed.' " [snip]
"These [Japanese nuclear] plants are now releasing radioactive steam into the atmosphere. Be skeptical about the statements that the 'levels are not dangerous.' These are the same people who said these meltdowns could never happen. Over years, not days, there may be a thousand people, two thousand, ten thousand who will suffer from cancers induced by this radiation." [snip]
"It would be irresponsible for me to estimate the number of cancer deaths that will occur from these releases without further information; but it is just plain criminal for the Tokyo Electric shoguns to say that these releases are not dangerous. …The carcinogenic isotopes that are released at Fukushima are already floating to Seattle with effects we simply cannot measure."
-- Greg Palast, investigative journalist and former nuclear plant inspector, from "The No BS Info on Japan's Nuclear Operators," March 14, 2011.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Defending Charlie Sheen Edition
Is it crazy to stand up to corporations and media parasites that are trying to tell you how to live your life?
Charlie Sheen's gotten a bum rap from the media lately because he refused to play the corporate and tabloid-TV game: the Shamed Celebrity is supposed to enter rehab and emerge contrite and chastened and just so gleefully grateful his corporate employer stuck by him during his time of need. Instead, Sheen called CBS and his producers on their 'we care' bullshit, and told the media hypocrites that parasitically cover celebrities to stuff it where the moon don't shine. Here's a news flash you won't see on the MSM: When celebs enter rehab, it's mainly for PR, career, or project-insurance purposes and there is no shortage of drugs and alcohol at any of the well-known rehab ranches that cater to the famous. What are they going to do, kick them out and lose all of that money? No, they turn a blind eye and cooperate in the fraud that the celebrity is 'cured,' and everybody goes home happy. Charlie Sheen just refused to indulge in this fetid game and, for that, he should be applauded.
Is he crazy? Maybe, but no more than most of us, and he's not advising that we hurt or hate anyone. If you read his quotes below, he often makes considerable sense and he frequently lampoons himself, which the TMZ-style media are apparently too obtuse to recognize. He's certainly more honest and lucid than the demented wolfpack of politicians and pundits that appear on Meet the Press every Sunday and are treated as sane and reasonable.
If a Hunter S. Thompson had given Charlie's recent interviews, some of the same people pointing the 'nutjob drug addict' finger at Charlie Sheen and 'tsk, tsk' self-righteously shaking their heads over his sure demise, would be laughing with or praising him. But because he's known as a film/TV actor, and many of them don't want to offend Viacom/CBS for professional reasons, they toe the corporate line that Sheen is spinning out of control and needs help. Haven't we learned by now that large corporations do not have compassionate souls that take pity on their employees, and neither do the heads of Hollywood production companies? It's all about the money.
Aside from that, when did Charlie Sheen's personal life become the concern of anyone but himself and those around him? How would you like your personal problems exaggerated and splashed all over the TV beast and the Internet?
As you read the poem below, pretend they are the words of a beat poet rather than a movie star. It might give you a whole different perspective; "Droopy-eyed armless children" by itself is a line worthy of a Jack Kerouac novel or Allen Ginsberg epic.
"Winning"
The words of Charlie Sheen edited into poetry
I so desperately wanted to be
Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother…
As kids we're not taught how to deal
with success; we're taught how to
deal with failure.
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.
If at first you succeed,
then what?
C’mon, bro, I won best picture at 20!
I wasn’t even trying.
I wasn’t even warm.
Fame is empowering.
My mistake was that I thought
I would instinctively know
how to handle it.
But there's no manual,
no training course.
The run I was on made Sinatra,
Flynn, Jagger, Richards,
all of them look like
droopy-eyed armless children!
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core,
the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American
male in my position wouldn't?
But you can't focus on things
that matter if all you've been
is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep
rhymes with sheep.
I'm tired of ignoring that I
march to a different beat.
I will not believe that
if I do something then
I have to follow a certain
path because it was
written for normal people.
People who aren’t special.
People who don’t have
tiger blood and Adonis DNA!
I’m tired of pretending I’m not
a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars!
Here's the good news:
If I realize that I'm insane,
then I'm okay with it.
I'm not dangerous insane.
I am on a drug.
It's called Charlie Sheen.
It's not available because
if you try it, you will die.
Your face will melt off and
your children will weep over
your exploded body.
What you come to discover is,
it isn't how you get there,
it's that you get there.
If that's what it took to get me
where I'm at today,
so be it.
People go,
'What's going on with this guy?
Why does he sound so weird?
What is going on in his brain?'
I don't know. Just one day I
suddenly woke up with a new brain.
I love it! It's original!
You don't have the right to judge me.
Look what I’m dealing with, man,
I’m dealing with fools and trolls!
'Can't' is the cancer of happening.
That's life. There's nobility in that.
There's focus. It's genuine.
It's crystal and it's pure and
it's available to everybody,
so just shut your traps and
put down your McDonald's,
your vaccines, your US Weekly,
your TMZ and the rest of it.
There have to be more important
things going on in the world than
my past.
Uncertainty is a sign of humility,
and humility is just the ability or
the willingness to learn.
I’m sorry, man, I got magic and
I’ve got poetry in my fingertips,
you know, most of the time,
and this includes naps.
You either love or you hate.
You live in the middle,
you get nothing.
Boom, crush!
Night, losers.
Winning, duh!
Bring me Dr. Clown shoes!
[End]
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Charlie Sheen's gotten a bum rap from the media lately because he refused to play the corporate and tabloid-TV game: the Shamed Celebrity is supposed to enter rehab and emerge contrite and chastened and just so gleefully grateful his corporate employer stuck by him during his time of need. Instead, Sheen called CBS and his producers on their 'we care' bullshit, and told the media hypocrites that parasitically cover celebrities to stuff it where the moon don't shine. Here's a news flash you won't see on the MSM: When celebs enter rehab, it's mainly for PR, career, or project-insurance purposes and there is no shortage of drugs and alcohol at any of the well-known rehab ranches that cater to the famous. What are they going to do, kick them out and lose all of that money? No, they turn a blind eye and cooperate in the fraud that the celebrity is 'cured,' and everybody goes home happy. Charlie Sheen just refused to indulge in this fetid game and, for that, he should be applauded.
Is he crazy? Maybe, but no more than most of us, and he's not advising that we hurt or hate anyone. If you read his quotes below, he often makes considerable sense and he frequently lampoons himself, which the TMZ-style media are apparently too obtuse to recognize. He's certainly more honest and lucid than the demented wolfpack of politicians and pundits that appear on Meet the Press every Sunday and are treated as sane and reasonable.
If a Hunter S. Thompson had given Charlie's recent interviews, some of the same people pointing the 'nutjob drug addict' finger at Charlie Sheen and 'tsk, tsk' self-righteously shaking their heads over his sure demise, would be laughing with or praising him. But because he's known as a film/TV actor, and many of them don't want to offend Viacom/CBS for professional reasons, they toe the corporate line that Sheen is spinning out of control and needs help. Haven't we learned by now that large corporations do not have compassionate souls that take pity on their employees, and neither do the heads of Hollywood production companies? It's all about the money.
Aside from that, when did Charlie Sheen's personal life become the concern of anyone but himself and those around him? How would you like your personal problems exaggerated and splashed all over the TV beast and the Internet?
As you read the poem below, pretend they are the words of a beat poet rather than a movie star. It might give you a whole different perspective; "Droopy-eyed armless children" by itself is a line worthy of a Jack Kerouac novel or Allen Ginsberg epic.
"Winning"
The words of Charlie Sheen edited into poetry
I so desperately wanted to be
Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother…
As kids we're not taught how to deal
with success; we're taught how to
deal with failure.
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.
If at first you succeed,
then what?
C’mon, bro, I won best picture at 20!
I wasn’t even trying.
I wasn’t even warm.
Fame is empowering.
My mistake was that I thought
I would instinctively know
how to handle it.
But there's no manual,
no training course.
The run I was on made Sinatra,
Flynn, Jagger, Richards,
all of them look like
droopy-eyed armless children!
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core,
the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American
male in my position wouldn't?
But you can't focus on things
that matter if all you've been
is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep
rhymes with sheep.
I'm tired of ignoring that I
march to a different beat.
I will not believe that
if I do something then
I have to follow a certain
path because it was
written for normal people.
People who aren’t special.
People who don’t have
tiger blood and Adonis DNA!
I’m tired of pretending I’m not
a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars!
Here's the good news:
If I realize that I'm insane,
then I'm okay with it.
I'm not dangerous insane.
I am on a drug.
It's called Charlie Sheen.
It's not available because
if you try it, you will die.
Your face will melt off and
your children will weep over
your exploded body.
What you come to discover is,
it isn't how you get there,
it's that you get there.
If that's what it took to get me
where I'm at today,
so be it.
People go,
'What's going on with this guy?
Why does he sound so weird?
What is going on in his brain?'
I don't know. Just one day I
suddenly woke up with a new brain.
I love it! It's original!
You don't have the right to judge me.
Look what I’m dealing with, man,
I’m dealing with fools and trolls!
'Can't' is the cancer of happening.
That's life. There's nobility in that.
There's focus. It's genuine.
It's crystal and it's pure and
it's available to everybody,
so just shut your traps and
put down your McDonald's,
your vaccines, your US Weekly,
your TMZ and the rest of it.
There have to be more important
things going on in the world than
my past.
Uncertainty is a sign of humility,
and humility is just the ability or
the willingness to learn.
I’m sorry, man, I got magic and
I’ve got poetry in my fingertips,
you know, most of the time,
and this includes naps.
You either love or you hate.
You live in the middle,
you get nothing.
Boom, crush!
Night, losers.
Winning, duh!
Bring me Dr. Clown shoes!
[End]
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Top Ten Neocon Republican Hits Edition
These top ten lists get tedious, and this one's no different.
1. "This Land Ain't Your Land, This Land Is MY Land"
Scotty and the Koch Brothers
2. "America The Profitable"
Moe Greenback and the Wall Streeters
3. "Take Your Job And Shove It"
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce
4. "Dead Man's Curve"
Chris Christie and the Budget Cutters
5. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"
The Palin Family Choir
6. "Viva Low Wages!"
Wal Mart and the New Peasants
7. "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To"
Long John Boehner and the Wailers
8. "Liar, Liar (Pants On Fire)"
Mike Huckabee and the Birthers
9. "He Got The Gold Mine And I Got the Shaft"
Glenn Beck's Suckers
10. "(Here It Comes Your) 19th Nervous Breakdown"
Michele Bachmann and her Teabaggers
©2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
1. "This Land Ain't Your Land, This Land Is MY Land"
Scotty and the Koch Brothers
2. "America The Profitable"
Moe Greenback and the Wall Streeters
3. "Take Your Job And Shove It"
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce
4. "Dead Man's Curve"
Chris Christie and the Budget Cutters
5. "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"
The Palin Family Choir
6. "Viva Low Wages!"
Wal Mart and the New Peasants
7. "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To"
Long John Boehner and the Wailers
8. "Liar, Liar (Pants On Fire)"
Mike Huckabee and the Birthers
9. "He Got The Gold Mine And I Got the Shaft"
Glenn Beck's Suckers
10. "(Here It Comes Your) 19th Nervous Breakdown"
Michele Bachmann and her Teabaggers
©2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Jon Stewart Interviews Hermann Goering Edition
STEWART: My guest tonight served as Adolf Hitler's air force chief and one of his closest advisors -- let's welcome to the program former German Reichsmarshall Hermann Goering! (They shake hands and sit down while the audience applauds.) Let me just say, sir, thanks for being here, and you look pretty damn good for a man over one hundred years old who supposedly died in 1946! What is that – Oil of Olay or Botox or something?!
GOERING: Ha, ha! Goodness gracious, no! I never died, I just moved to Argentina! I also lied about my age to get in the military and have taken good care of myself in my old age! And it's amazing what modern medicine can do! Ha, ha!
STEWART: Goodness gracious?!? What – is this a 4-H Club convention?!
GOERING: Ha, ha! Millions of good solid Americans from the heartland of the country talk like that, Jon!
STEWART: Oh, yeah, and out on the coasts all we do is yell 'm**her-f**ker' and 'go for the gay'!
GOERING: (Grinning) You said it, I didn't!
STEWART: In your book, you say the Nazis were misunderstood. You say they had doubts about everything they did. You were one of the Nazis close to Hitler – it sure didn't seem you guys had any doubts when you started World War II!
GOERING: Wait, let me address this Nazi thing – in Germany back then, everybody was a Nazi – you had to be one to do business, it was just a fact of life. Besides, the Nazis were just the name of a political party, like the Republicans today. I mean, we had good Nazis and bad Nazis. It's wrong to condemn all Nazis for the extreme fanaticism of a few. You know, we really weren't all fascists!
STEWART: But you were one of the head Nazis, convicted of war crimes like condoning torture!
GOERING: Tut, tut. I had documents in my desk at the time that show how much doubt I had about the decisions we were making and listed all of the things that could go wrong. We were just trying to protect the nation and acted on bad intelligence! Everything we did, we did for our country! Our top military staff believed that intelligence, incidentally.
STEWART: So you invaded Poland based on lousy intelligence reports?
GOERING: There was all kinds of paper flying around back then, pro and con. But we couldn't take a chance with the nation's security that Poland or another potential enemy like France might attack us, so we invaded first. The respected Gen. Jodl made the case to the public at the time.
STEWART: But you established a special office to provide you with the intelligence you wanted!
GOERING: I had no special intelligence office – somebody else set that up. There were three million men in the German military back then – any one of them could have done it.
STEWART: What about the torture? Are you saying you didn't order torture?
GOERING: Not torture like you saw at your Abu Ghraib prison. That kind of thing was done by bad apples – you know, low-level noncoms acting without orders. We ordered enhanced-interrogation techniques that our best legal minds said were acceptable in order to defend the country from terrorists. This was after the Reichstag fire remember, where Communists and other undesirables conspired to undermine the government and attack the public violently. We couldn't afford to let any technique for getting information out of the bad guys go unused.
STEWART: What about the concentration camps? Are you going to deny the Nazi concentration camps that killed millions of innocent people?
GOERING: Look, we had socialists, Communists, unionists, liberals, gays and other malcontents all bent on destroying our way of life. This was during the worldwide economic depression and we were trying to get people back to work, and those groups were fighting us on balancing the budget and creating more jobs. We only put people in camps who refused to work and would rather laze around collecting welfare from the taxpayers, like freeloading teachers and bottom-feeder nurses! Those were just work camps for unionists and commies who wanted to suck off the taxpayer and collect a paycheck for doing nothing!
STEWART: Ha, ha! 'Suck off the taxpayer,' huh? Now I know why you liked those camps! (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! I didn't mean it quite like that!
STEWART: But, seriously, what about the Jews -- why did you target them for annihilation?
GOERING: We never targeted the Jews, Jon. That's all revisionist history written by the liberals. We were just trying to protect the Jews from angry Germans who were blaming them for all the nation's problems by putting them in camps, but things got out of hand when some rogue elements took it upon themselves to start executing people. I mean, you go to war with the army you have, and we had some kooks in the Wehrmacht at the time. Certainly if I had been aware of what was going on in those camps I would have put a stop to it, and so would have Hitler, but we were busy defending our country against several powerful aggressors, fighting in a two-front war.
STEWART: What about Adolf Hitler? He's now acknowledged by the world as one of the biggest monsters in history, yet you loyally served him. Are you telling me you don't think he was a monster?
GOERING: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! The man was a vegetarian who loved animals and didn't drink, and he only had one testicle – does that sound like a monster to you? (Laughter.)
STEWART: Did you guys, like, call him 'One Ball' behind his back? (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! No, he would have had us shot! Ha, ha – just kidding! (Laughter and applause.)
STEWART: Well, our time is up. Okay, folks, the book is 'Soaring with Eagles' by former Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering. Thank you for coming in, sir! (They stand and shake hands.)
GOERING: Thank you, Jon, for helping me sell my book and rehabilitate my image by portraying me as a feisty old grandpa instead of a vicious war criminal responsible for the death, dismemberment and torture of millions!
(Applause. Cut to commercial for Burger King's new Super Lethal DOA Beef 'n' Bacon Triple-Stack Axis of Evil Whopper with Cheese.)
Watch Jon Stewart's Feb. 23, 2011, interview with Don Rumsfeld here.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
GOERING: Ha, ha! Goodness gracious, no! I never died, I just moved to Argentina! I also lied about my age to get in the military and have taken good care of myself in my old age! And it's amazing what modern medicine can do! Ha, ha!
STEWART: Goodness gracious?!? What – is this a 4-H Club convention?!
GOERING: Ha, ha! Millions of good solid Americans from the heartland of the country talk like that, Jon!
STEWART: Oh, yeah, and out on the coasts all we do is yell 'm**her-f**ker' and 'go for the gay'!
GOERING: (Grinning) You said it, I didn't!
STEWART: In your book, you say the Nazis were misunderstood. You say they had doubts about everything they did. You were one of the Nazis close to Hitler – it sure didn't seem you guys had any doubts when you started World War II!
GOERING: Wait, let me address this Nazi thing – in Germany back then, everybody was a Nazi – you had to be one to do business, it was just a fact of life. Besides, the Nazis were just the name of a political party, like the Republicans today. I mean, we had good Nazis and bad Nazis. It's wrong to condemn all Nazis for the extreme fanaticism of a few. You know, we really weren't all fascists!
STEWART: But you were one of the head Nazis, convicted of war crimes like condoning torture!
GOERING: Tut, tut. I had documents in my desk at the time that show how much doubt I had about the decisions we were making and listed all of the things that could go wrong. We were just trying to protect the nation and acted on bad intelligence! Everything we did, we did for our country! Our top military staff believed that intelligence, incidentally.
STEWART: So you invaded Poland based on lousy intelligence reports?
GOERING: There was all kinds of paper flying around back then, pro and con. But we couldn't take a chance with the nation's security that Poland or another potential enemy like France might attack us, so we invaded first. The respected Gen. Jodl made the case to the public at the time.
STEWART: But you established a special office to provide you with the intelligence you wanted!
GOERING: I had no special intelligence office – somebody else set that up. There were three million men in the German military back then – any one of them could have done it.
STEWART: What about the torture? Are you saying you didn't order torture?
GOERING: Not torture like you saw at your Abu Ghraib prison. That kind of thing was done by bad apples – you know, low-level noncoms acting without orders. We ordered enhanced-interrogation techniques that our best legal minds said were acceptable in order to defend the country from terrorists. This was after the Reichstag fire remember, where Communists and other undesirables conspired to undermine the government and attack the public violently. We couldn't afford to let any technique for getting information out of the bad guys go unused.
STEWART: What about the concentration camps? Are you going to deny the Nazi concentration camps that killed millions of innocent people?
GOERING: Look, we had socialists, Communists, unionists, liberals, gays and other malcontents all bent on destroying our way of life. This was during the worldwide economic depression and we were trying to get people back to work, and those groups were fighting us on balancing the budget and creating more jobs. We only put people in camps who refused to work and would rather laze around collecting welfare from the taxpayers, like freeloading teachers and bottom-feeder nurses! Those were just work camps for unionists and commies who wanted to suck off the taxpayer and collect a paycheck for doing nothing!
STEWART: Ha, ha! 'Suck off the taxpayer,' huh? Now I know why you liked those camps! (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! I didn't mean it quite like that!
STEWART: But, seriously, what about the Jews -- why did you target them for annihilation?
GOERING: We never targeted the Jews, Jon. That's all revisionist history written by the liberals. We were just trying to protect the Jews from angry Germans who were blaming them for all the nation's problems by putting them in camps, but things got out of hand when some rogue elements took it upon themselves to start executing people. I mean, you go to war with the army you have, and we had some kooks in the Wehrmacht at the time. Certainly if I had been aware of what was going on in those camps I would have put a stop to it, and so would have Hitler, but we were busy defending our country against several powerful aggressors, fighting in a two-front war.
STEWART: What about Adolf Hitler? He's now acknowledged by the world as one of the biggest monsters in history, yet you loyally served him. Are you telling me you don't think he was a monster?
GOERING: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee! The man was a vegetarian who loved animals and didn't drink, and he only had one testicle – does that sound like a monster to you? (Laughter.)
STEWART: Did you guys, like, call him 'One Ball' behind his back? (Laughter.)
GOERING: Ha, ha! No, he would have had us shot! Ha, ha – just kidding! (Laughter and applause.)
STEWART: Well, our time is up. Okay, folks, the book is 'Soaring with Eagles' by former Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering. Thank you for coming in, sir! (They stand and shake hands.)
GOERING: Thank you, Jon, for helping me sell my book and rehabilitate my image by portraying me as a feisty old grandpa instead of a vicious war criminal responsible for the death, dismemberment and torture of millions!
(Applause. Cut to commercial for Burger King's new Super Lethal DOA Beef 'n' Bacon Triple-Stack Axis of Evil Whopper with Cheese.)
Watch Jon Stewart's Feb. 23, 2011, interview with Don Rumsfeld here.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Hard-Working Americans Are 'Bottom-Feeders' and 'Freeloaders' to the Elitist Limbaugh
Left click on image to enlarge.Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Post-It Notes From the Underground Part One Edition
Watch out, he's petting his peeves again!
Messages scribbled on Post-It Notes that were giving me a brain-ache until I wrote them down.
Note to Abraham Lincoln, wherever he is now:
It's just as well you're not around today. The idea that Haley "Yazoo City" Barbour and Rick "Secesh" Perry are Republicans would no doubt give you severe apoplexy followed by a fatal stroke anyway.
Note to George Washington, wherever he is now:
Good thing you're not around, either, to see this 21st century bobblehead-doll America where a good portion of the politicians and electorate, abetted by the dumbed-down corporate media, have forgotten how to read, especially where the Constitution and the Bible are concerned.
Note to Arianna Huffington:
A quote from Balzac seems appropriate: "Behind every great fortune there is a great crime." Take a couple of million from the $315 mil you got from AOL and throw a few bucks at all the people who worked for free to make your website worth selling. BTW, I can't find even one person who thinks your AOL merger is a good idea or cares to read your website again. Prediction: the AOL-Huff Post is toast.
Note to Clarence Thomas:
What would you think is a conflict of interest for a judge -- a defendant handing you an envelope stuffed with cash right before you voted on his case? (Or has that already happened?) Don't ask Scalia what your opinion should be on this one -- he doesn't know what a conflict of interest is, either.
Note to Rupert Murdoch:
I guess we should thank you for hiring the mentally-challenged to work in your media empire. I mean, where else would certifiable meatheads like Steve Doocy and Glenn Beck find jobs?
Note to Allstate Insurance:
Stop abusing the English language by claiming you 'protect' your customers from mayhem. All of the things depicted in your TV ads would still happen, even with Allstate insurance. The only thing you can do is promptly pay to repair the damage after the 'mayhem,' but you can't 'protect' against it occurring in the first place.
Note to Glenn Beck's Goldline Coins:
If gold is such a great investment, far superior to paper money, why are you selling your gold in exchange for cash money that will, according to your pitchmen, inevitably go down in value? Why not just keep the gold?
Note to the Republican Party:
Okay, the more realistic among you know very well you are a minority party beholden to talk show hosts and a fringe nutcase base, and you can't win national elections with that 20-25 percent of the American electorate. If this were a parliamentary system, you'd be three separate parties: the Corporate Libertarians; the Christian Theocrats, and the Dixie Racists, none of whom would be able to dominate the nation's politics. You also have no credible candidates that could beat Obama. If I were a Republican (and thank Jebas I'm not), I'd be shaking in my tasseled loafers.
Note to the Teabaggers:
Although I have great fun lampooning you, I was gratified that some of you in Congress voted against your party and tried to kill that unconstitutional PATRIOT Act. Good for you!
Note to Tea Party Volunteers:
Sophisticated grifters at the national level are scamming you local tea party volunteers. According to this report, the Washington-based national leaders of Tea Party Patriots, for example, are paying themselves fat salaries and none of the money they collect is going back to the local groups. Isn't this the kind of corruption you said you were against?
Note to Herman Cain (founder of Godfather Pizza and CPAC speaker):
Your political views are as unappetizing as your tasteless cardboard-crust pizza. Stop being a selfish cyclops only thinking about your tax cuts now that you've made some money and consider the impact of your lowered taxes on the poor bastards who buy your lousy food.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Messages scribbled on Post-It Notes that were giving me a brain-ache until I wrote them down.
Note to Abraham Lincoln, wherever he is now:
It's just as well you're not around today. The idea that Haley "Yazoo City" Barbour and Rick "Secesh" Perry are Republicans would no doubt give you severe apoplexy followed by a fatal stroke anyway.
Note to George Washington, wherever he is now:
Good thing you're not around, either, to see this 21st century bobblehead-doll America where a good portion of the politicians and electorate, abetted by the dumbed-down corporate media, have forgotten how to read, especially where the Constitution and the Bible are concerned.
Note to Arianna Huffington:
A quote from Balzac seems appropriate: "Behind every great fortune there is a great crime." Take a couple of million from the $315 mil you got from AOL and throw a few bucks at all the people who worked for free to make your website worth selling. BTW, I can't find even one person who thinks your AOL merger is a good idea or cares to read your website again. Prediction: the AOL-Huff Post is toast.
Note to Clarence Thomas:
What would you think is a conflict of interest for a judge -- a defendant handing you an envelope stuffed with cash right before you voted on his case? (Or has that already happened?) Don't ask Scalia what your opinion should be on this one -- he doesn't know what a conflict of interest is, either.
Note to Rupert Murdoch:
I guess we should thank you for hiring the mentally-challenged to work in your media empire. I mean, where else would certifiable meatheads like Steve Doocy and Glenn Beck find jobs?
Note to Allstate Insurance:
Stop abusing the English language by claiming you 'protect' your customers from mayhem. All of the things depicted in your TV ads would still happen, even with Allstate insurance. The only thing you can do is promptly pay to repair the damage after the 'mayhem,' but you can't 'protect' against it occurring in the first place.
Note to Glenn Beck's Goldline Coins:
If gold is such a great investment, far superior to paper money, why are you selling your gold in exchange for cash money that will, according to your pitchmen, inevitably go down in value? Why not just keep the gold?
Note to the Republican Party:
Okay, the more realistic among you know very well you are a minority party beholden to talk show hosts and a fringe nutcase base, and you can't win national elections with that 20-25 percent of the American electorate. If this were a parliamentary system, you'd be three separate parties: the Corporate Libertarians; the Christian Theocrats, and the Dixie Racists, none of whom would be able to dominate the nation's politics. You also have no credible candidates that could beat Obama. If I were a Republican (and thank Jebas I'm not), I'd be shaking in my tasseled loafers.
Note to the Teabaggers:
Although I have great fun lampooning you, I was gratified that some of you in Congress voted against your party and tried to kill that unconstitutional PATRIOT Act. Good for you!
Note to Tea Party Volunteers:
Sophisticated grifters at the national level are scamming you local tea party volunteers. According to this report, the Washington-based national leaders of Tea Party Patriots, for example, are paying themselves fat salaries and none of the money they collect is going back to the local groups. Isn't this the kind of corruption you said you were against?
Note to Herman Cain (founder of Godfather Pizza and CPAC speaker):
Your political views are as unappetizing as your tasteless cardboard-crust pizza. Stop being a selfish cyclops only thinking about your tax cuts now that you've made some money and consider the impact of your lowered taxes on the poor bastards who buy your lousy food.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Tattlesnake – New Definitions from the Askewed Dictionary Edition
Glimpses Behind the Curtain of Our Blutocracy
"Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
BACHMANNALIA: 1. The sound wild-eyed gibberish makes in a rubber room. 2. An election-year holiday celebrating the unity of corporate money and gullible voters with sensibilities as squishy as wet teabags. 3. A sexless outdoor orgy in Minnesota in mid-winter, the quintessential Republican idea of how the public should be treated.
BACHMANNLINESS: 1. Putting on your 'man pants' backwards, while staring at the wrong camera. 2. Having the balls to misquote the Constitution on national television.
BLUTOCRACY: 1. A plutocracy as operated by Sen. John Blutarsky, the fictional 'Bluto' character from the film "Animal House," and those who are likeminded. 2. The USA today, and not the newspaper. 3. Wall Street week.
BOEHNALITY: 1. Crocodile tears shed by one who is only half-crocked. 2. Pretending you're in control of something you plainly are not, such as a bus when the steering wheel has come off in your hand. 3. The illusion that you stand for anything beyond your own personal gain and your next putt.
CALIPHATE: 1. In a ten-gallon hat, combine eleven-gallons horse manure with equal parts leftover Cold War fear and carbonated Holy Water; add a hefty scoop of Islamophobia, smother with nuts, and top with a lemon slice carved into the shape of a swastika and a cherry carved into the shape of a star. Strain through Fox News and serve at the temperature at which blood boils.
CONAGRA: 1. What polite Southern Republicans call the only conservative black guy in the county after he's left the room.
CRAPITALISM: 1. An unregulated form of capitalism practiced by well-dressed carnival pitchmen that turns everything it touches to pure shit, commonly ruining the lives of a few million civilians in the process. 2. The hypotheses adhered to by many of the financial elite that the light at the end of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public's tunnel must always be a privately-owned oncoming train in order for them to prosper. 3. The theory that enough taxpayer money, filtered through a nation's banks and large corporations, can persuade the political class and the media to do anything, and that much of that money must then be used to prolong the ignorance of the taxpayers from realizing they are financing the scheme.
FOX FIRE: 1. An event that never occurs at Fox News, no matter how inaccurate or disturbed the opinion expressed, unless the speaker happens to slip and tell the truth.
THE GOLDBERG VARIATIONS: 1. The assortment of adjectives, verbs and adverbs Jonah Goldberg uses to, without irony, accuse liberals of fascism and blame them for all of the misery visited on the public in the past 30 years by those who think like Jonah Goldberg.
KOCHAINE: 1. Money secretly doled out by the wealthy to influence public opinion in their favor, opinions which are usually contrary to the public interest or even common sense. 2. The primary addiction of Washington lobbyists and prominent politicians of both parties, causing them to lie, cheat and commit desperate degenerate acts to continue their dependence, that is strangely not included on the DEA's list of dangerous drugs deserving long prison terms, but certainly should be.
LUNTZTITUTION: 1. The creation of government policy or public outrage based on buzzwords or catch phrases invented by Frank Luntz that have little or no relationship to the reality of the subject; e.g., describing an orange as a 'bad apple,' or a grapefruit as a 'cancerous lemon,' or smog as 'clean air.' 2. Any doomed political party or corporation that believes such linguistic concoctions are anything more than a thin disguise for its true purpose of picking the public's pocket or skinning the yokels to the bone.
POLYPSYCHOTIC: 1. Capable of jabbering delirium in more than one medium. 2. The conservative media endlessly parroting the same right-wing talking points.
PROLESSIVISM: 1. "Two For Me and None For You." A game played by the US Chamber of Congress – excuse me, 'Commerce' – their financial backers and various politicians, such as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. The point of the game is to convince voters that balancing budgets and lowering taxes for the over-privileged is more important than their jobs, pensions, homes, or eating regular meals. It is akin to the "Sure I'm Jobless and Broke, But at Least I Don't Have Worry About Bank Overdraft Fees Anymore" game indulged in by millions of less fortunate Americans every day, except much more profitable for the major players.
SOLIPSIMPSONISM: 1. The belief that the best way to clean the ears is by passing a handkerchief through the head while wearing a blindfold and a shoe in one's mouth. 2. The conviction that unworkable remedies that cause public suffering will resolve budget ills if inartfully expressed at length. From Solipsimpson: A useless old boob with 300 million nipples.
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
"Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
BACHMANNALIA: 1. The sound wild-eyed gibberish makes in a rubber room. 2. An election-year holiday celebrating the unity of corporate money and gullible voters with sensibilities as squishy as wet teabags. 3. A sexless outdoor orgy in Minnesota in mid-winter, the quintessential Republican idea of how the public should be treated.
BACHMANNLINESS: 1. Putting on your 'man pants' backwards, while staring at the wrong camera. 2. Having the balls to misquote the Constitution on national television.
BLUTOCRACY: 1. A plutocracy as operated by Sen. John Blutarsky, the fictional 'Bluto' character from the film "Animal House," and those who are likeminded. 2. The USA today, and not the newspaper. 3. Wall Street week.
BOEHNALITY: 1. Crocodile tears shed by one who is only half-crocked. 2. Pretending you're in control of something you plainly are not, such as a bus when the steering wheel has come off in your hand. 3. The illusion that you stand for anything beyond your own personal gain and your next putt.
CALIPHATE: 1. In a ten-gallon hat, combine eleven-gallons horse manure with equal parts leftover Cold War fear and carbonated Holy Water; add a hefty scoop of Islamophobia, smother with nuts, and top with a lemon slice carved into the shape of a swastika and a cherry carved into the shape of a star. Strain through Fox News and serve at the temperature at which blood boils.
CONAGRA: 1. What polite Southern Republicans call the only conservative black guy in the county after he's left the room.
CRAPITALISM: 1. An unregulated form of capitalism practiced by well-dressed carnival pitchmen that turns everything it touches to pure shit, commonly ruining the lives of a few million civilians in the process. 2. The hypotheses adhered to by many of the financial elite that the light at the end of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public's tunnel must always be a privately-owned oncoming train in order for them to prosper. 3. The theory that enough taxpayer money, filtered through a nation's banks and large corporations, can persuade the political class and the media to do anything, and that much of that money must then be used to prolong the ignorance of the taxpayers from realizing they are financing the scheme.
FOX FIRE: 1. An event that never occurs at Fox News, no matter how inaccurate or disturbed the opinion expressed, unless the speaker happens to slip and tell the truth.
THE GOLDBERG VARIATIONS: 1. The assortment of adjectives, verbs and adverbs Jonah Goldberg uses to, without irony, accuse liberals of fascism and blame them for all of the misery visited on the public in the past 30 years by those who think like Jonah Goldberg.
KOCHAINE: 1. Money secretly doled out by the wealthy to influence public opinion in their favor, opinions which are usually contrary to the public interest or even common sense. 2. The primary addiction of Washington lobbyists and prominent politicians of both parties, causing them to lie, cheat and commit desperate degenerate acts to continue their dependence, that is strangely not included on the DEA's list of dangerous drugs deserving long prison terms, but certainly should be.
LUNTZTITUTION: 1. The creation of government policy or public outrage based on buzzwords or catch phrases invented by Frank Luntz that have little or no relationship to the reality of the subject; e.g., describing an orange as a 'bad apple,' or a grapefruit as a 'cancerous lemon,' or smog as 'clean air.' 2. Any doomed political party or corporation that believes such linguistic concoctions are anything more than a thin disguise for its true purpose of picking the public's pocket or skinning the yokels to the bone.
POLYPSYCHOTIC: 1. Capable of jabbering delirium in more than one medium. 2. The conservative media endlessly parroting the same right-wing talking points.
PROLESSIVISM: 1. "Two For Me and None For You." A game played by the US Chamber of Congress – excuse me, 'Commerce' – their financial backers and various politicians, such as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. The point of the game is to convince voters that balancing budgets and lowering taxes for the over-privileged is more important than their jobs, pensions, homes, or eating regular meals. It is akin to the "Sure I'm Jobless and Broke, But at Least I Don't Have Worry About Bank Overdraft Fees Anymore" game indulged in by millions of less fortunate Americans every day, except much more profitable for the major players.
SOLIPSIMPSONISM: 1. The belief that the best way to clean the ears is by passing a handkerchief through the head while wearing a blindfold and a shoe in one's mouth. 2. The conviction that unworkable remedies that cause public suffering will resolve budget ills if inartfully expressed at length. From Solipsimpson: A useless old boob with 300 million nipples.
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."
-- Sen. John "Bluto" Blutarsky, from the film "Animal House" (1978).
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Tattlesnake – "Finally We Are Free!" Edition
Title quote via MSNBC from a pro-democracy demonstrator celebrating in Cairo's Tahrir (Liberation) Square following the resignation of Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarak, Feb. 11, 2011.
The US media reported yesterday that Hosni Mubarak had finally resigned, the message conveyed to the world by his Vice President and Torturer-in-Chief, Omar Suleiman. Of course, the pro-democracy demonstrators wildly celebrated Mubarak's resignation – think of it: in 18 days they had toppled a tyrant without resorting to violence, even in the face of provocation from Mubarak's street thugs and vicious secret police -- but I also thought it was interesting that Hosni is now ensconced in his estate on the Red Sea, surrounded by razor wire and heavily guarded. Some may interpret this arrangement as protecting Mubarak's corrupt hide, but it could also be seen as a prison from which he could be quickly transferred to a jet bound out of the country, forced into exile by the praetorian guard now 'protecting' him from his own people. Then again, perhaps they are merely holding the deposed dictator for trial – the people have demanded Hosni be held responsible for his brutal reign, and they want to know where all the money went. In the wake of the news that Swiss banks have frozen Mubarak's bank accounts purportedly containing billions in purloined US dollars, they just might find out.
While we celebrate with the Egyptian people emerging from 30 years of darkness under Mubarak, it must be said that, now that Mubarak's gone, only a part of Egypt's journey to a free democracy is complete; next, the pro-democracy forces will have the hard work of purging the government of Mubarak's corrupt cronies, if they won't leave willingly, and pressuring the military, which has dissolved parliament and taken control, to allow a democratically-elected civilian government to flourish. On the latter score, it's heartening to note that while the top officers are Mubarak appointees, the rank-and-file in the military are conscripts closer to the demonstrators than the generals, and the scenes of peaceful protestors happily riding on the tanks US foreign aid purchased should have brought that point home to the brass hats. Without the lower ranks solidly behind them, there can be no military coup d'etat.
Meanwhile, public crackpot Glenn Beck has been regurgitating bizarre conspiracy theories alleging that the overthrow of the vile Mubarak is part of some kind of dingbat Marxist-Muslim 'New World Order' plot with US progressives to bring about an Islamic Caliphate that will rule the Middle East and Europe. Fox News' squirrel-bait embarrassment apparently believes freedom and democracy are fine for white Americans, but should be off-limits to darker-skinned Egyptians. (Perhaps this is why his TV audience has dropped by half in the past year – most of us, whatever our political leanings, think democracy, individual rights and liberty are good things for the world.) However, Beck is almost right – there does seem to be a New World Order brewing, but not the evil Commie Caliphate he imagines. Instead, all across Africa and the Middle East, from Tunisia to Iran, the citizenry is yearning for secular government of, by and for the people, dedicated to equality and justice, with the same rights and freedoms Americans are supposed to enjoy. Of course, to corporate scambots like Rupert Murdoch's rodeo clown, the idea of self-rule and freedom from foreign exploitation is anathema, and the events in Tunisia and Egypt should be sending a chill up spines in the other corporate suites of the world; these non-violent revolutions were also about economic justice as well as getting rid of tyranny, an economic justice the corporate autocrats despise and fear. Whatever meaningless label the Becksters want to hang on it, it is not religious in nature and neither is it some silly strain of Islamic Communism – it is the same thing Americans fought for over two centuries ago: freedom from distant powers and homegrown despots taking your money and deciding your fate without your consent.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
The US media reported yesterday that Hosni Mubarak had finally resigned, the message conveyed to the world by his Vice President and Torturer-in-Chief, Omar Suleiman. Of course, the pro-democracy demonstrators wildly celebrated Mubarak's resignation – think of it: in 18 days they had toppled a tyrant without resorting to violence, even in the face of provocation from Mubarak's street thugs and vicious secret police -- but I also thought it was interesting that Hosni is now ensconced in his estate on the Red Sea, surrounded by razor wire and heavily guarded. Some may interpret this arrangement as protecting Mubarak's corrupt hide, but it could also be seen as a prison from which he could be quickly transferred to a jet bound out of the country, forced into exile by the praetorian guard now 'protecting' him from his own people. Then again, perhaps they are merely holding the deposed dictator for trial – the people have demanded Hosni be held responsible for his brutal reign, and they want to know where all the money went. In the wake of the news that Swiss banks have frozen Mubarak's bank accounts purportedly containing billions in purloined US dollars, they just might find out.
While we celebrate with the Egyptian people emerging from 30 years of darkness under Mubarak, it must be said that, now that Mubarak's gone, only a part of Egypt's journey to a free democracy is complete; next, the pro-democracy forces will have the hard work of purging the government of Mubarak's corrupt cronies, if they won't leave willingly, and pressuring the military, which has dissolved parliament and taken control, to allow a democratically-elected civilian government to flourish. On the latter score, it's heartening to note that while the top officers are Mubarak appointees, the rank-and-file in the military are conscripts closer to the demonstrators than the generals, and the scenes of peaceful protestors happily riding on the tanks US foreign aid purchased should have brought that point home to the brass hats. Without the lower ranks solidly behind them, there can be no military coup d'etat.
Meanwhile, public crackpot Glenn Beck has been regurgitating bizarre conspiracy theories alleging that the overthrow of the vile Mubarak is part of some kind of dingbat Marxist-Muslim 'New World Order' plot with US progressives to bring about an Islamic Caliphate that will rule the Middle East and Europe. Fox News' squirrel-bait embarrassment apparently believes freedom and democracy are fine for white Americans, but should be off-limits to darker-skinned Egyptians. (Perhaps this is why his TV audience has dropped by half in the past year – most of us, whatever our political leanings, think democracy, individual rights and liberty are good things for the world.) However, Beck is almost right – there does seem to be a New World Order brewing, but not the evil Commie Caliphate he imagines. Instead, all across Africa and the Middle East, from Tunisia to Iran, the citizenry is yearning for secular government of, by and for the people, dedicated to equality and justice, with the same rights and freedoms Americans are supposed to enjoy. Of course, to corporate scambots like Rupert Murdoch's rodeo clown, the idea of self-rule and freedom from foreign exploitation is anathema, and the events in Tunisia and Egypt should be sending a chill up spines in the other corporate suites of the world; these non-violent revolutions were also about economic justice as well as getting rid of tyranny, an economic justice the corporate autocrats despise and fear. Whatever meaningless label the Becksters want to hang on it, it is not religious in nature and neither is it some silly strain of Islamic Communism – it is the same thing Americans fought for over two centuries ago: freedom from distant powers and homegrown despots taking your money and deciding your fate without your consent.
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Edition
Brief sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.
Michele Bachmann – When scary met rally.
Arianna Huffington – A mythological Greek goddess who prospers greatly on the free labor of others.
Tim Pawlenty – A polite little Minnesota fart desperately trying to become a big Republican shit.
Sarah Palin – America's trademarked Tweetheart, soon to be our 'Dear Tweeter' right after the Republicans in Congress succeed in outlawing rational thought entirely.
Jon Stewart – If Jon noticed two brown-shirted men wearing swastika armbands beating up another man laying on the ground, he would immediately condemn onlookers who pointed out any similarities to the Nazis, and go on to make the case that the actions of the attackers and the man trying to defend himself are equally deplorable. Then he'd giggle and cut to a commercial for Verizon Wireless.
The Tea Partiers – Their hearts are in the Right place -- next to a pile of cash in a bank vault owned by the Koch brothers.
Comcast/MSNBC – 'Lean Forward' so it'll be easier to kick your ass out the door if you displease the parent company.
Bill O'Reilly – Joe McCarthy after the first bottle, combined with all the charm of a proctologist with a fire hose.
Glenn Beck – Joe McCarthy after the second bottle, combined with Howard Stern following a full lobotomy.
Rush Limbaugh -- An ounce of syphilitic brain tissue trampled in the stands of the football stadium at Ole Miss, circa 1964.
Megyn Kelly – 1. Find valve in back of skull. 2. Insert hose and inflate with helium until head is filled. 3. Check hair and makeup. 4. Insert 'GOP Talking Points' memory card. 5. Turn crank in back until words come out.
Michael Savage – When being a self-hating Weiner just isn't enough.
Mitt Romney – Elmer Corpo-Fudd goes hunting for small vermin, only to keep finding himself.
Jeb Bush – A Republican presidential prospect who wishes he had been born with a different last name, maybe something like 'Nixon.'
Mitch McConnell – Where wealthy wrinkles go to retire and old lies to revive themselves.
Roger Ailes – When he dines on his daily cherub, he wipes his mouth on the closest thing available, which happens to be the seat of his pants.
Antonin Scalia – Judge Dreadful.
Clarence Thomas – "Just because I have a big bet on the team doesn't mean I would necessarily rule in its favor."
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Michele Bachmann – When scary met rally.
Arianna Huffington – A mythological Greek goddess who prospers greatly on the free labor of others.
Tim Pawlenty – A polite little Minnesota fart desperately trying to become a big Republican shit.
Sarah Palin – America's trademarked Tweetheart, soon to be our 'Dear Tweeter' right after the Republicans in Congress succeed in outlawing rational thought entirely.
Jon Stewart – If Jon noticed two brown-shirted men wearing swastika armbands beating up another man laying on the ground, he would immediately condemn onlookers who pointed out any similarities to the Nazis, and go on to make the case that the actions of the attackers and the man trying to defend himself are equally deplorable. Then he'd giggle and cut to a commercial for Verizon Wireless.
The Tea Partiers – Their hearts are in the Right place -- next to a pile of cash in a bank vault owned by the Koch brothers.
Comcast/MSNBC – 'Lean Forward' so it'll be easier to kick your ass out the door if you displease the parent company.
Bill O'Reilly – Joe McCarthy after the first bottle, combined with all the charm of a proctologist with a fire hose.
Glenn Beck – Joe McCarthy after the second bottle, combined with Howard Stern following a full lobotomy.
Rush Limbaugh -- An ounce of syphilitic brain tissue trampled in the stands of the football stadium at Ole Miss, circa 1964.
Megyn Kelly – 1. Find valve in back of skull. 2. Insert hose and inflate with helium until head is filled. 3. Check hair and makeup. 4. Insert 'GOP Talking Points' memory card. 5. Turn crank in back until words come out.
Michael Savage – When being a self-hating Weiner just isn't enough.
Mitt Romney – Elmer Corpo-Fudd goes hunting for small vermin, only to keep finding himself.
Jeb Bush – A Republican presidential prospect who wishes he had been born with a different last name, maybe something like 'Nixon.'
Mitch McConnell – Where wealthy wrinkles go to retire and old lies to revive themselves.
Roger Ailes – When he dines on his daily cherub, he wipes his mouth on the closest thing available, which happens to be the seat of his pants.
Antonin Scalia – Judge Dreadful.
Clarence Thomas – "Just because I have a big bet on the team doesn't mean I would necessarily rule in its favor."
© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Tips for Hosting (and Surviving) a Birthday Party for a Teabagger Relative
Left click on image to enlarge.
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