Watch the video below and take a shot every time Ann gets it wrong. You’ll be soused in no time.
Thursday, November 03, 2011
The Republican ‘Joan of Snark’ Betrays Her Elitist White Bigotry
Watch the video below and take a shot every time Ann gets it wrong. You’ll be soused in no time.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Spike Lee Admits Cain Candidacy a Hoax for New ‘Mockumentary’ Film
Spike Lee Admits Cain Candidacy a Hoax for New ‘Mockumentary’ Film
Alan Smithee
Film Reviewer
Toronto Post and Mail
Oct. 21, 2011
EXCLUSIVE
“I can’t believe it,” a grinning Spike Lee told this reporter yesterday, relaxing in the lounge of the Nikko Hotel’s Star Bar in downtown Toronto. “We thought we might get some media coverage, but not that Herman would get this far!”
In a stunning revelation, the famed American writer/director of such classic hit comedies as “Do the Right Thing,” and “She’s Gotta Have It,” and more serious films such as “Malcolm X” and “Mo’ Better Blues,” explained that he had hired an actor named Grey Goodwin to ‘portray’ Herman Cain for a political mockumentary he’s making with the working title, “Citizen Cain,” about a buffoonish African-American who campaigns for the U.S. presidency as a conservative Republican.
“Man, I just thought we’d get some footage of this cat talking to Republican voters and like that,” Mr. Lee elaborated, “but I never, in my wildest dreams, thought he’d get into these debates or anything.”
According to the writer/director, there is a real Herman Cain, a pizza chain executive, but he’s on a secluded vacation with his family in Switzerland until December. Mr. Lee said that the real Herman Cain is a fan of his films and agreed to go along with the hoax when Mr. Lee presented the idea to him last year.
“See, then I went out and found me a cat who looks and talks like the real Herman Cain to play him in the film, and that wasn’t easy, but we knocked it.”
Mr. Lee went on to say that all of the ‘Goodwin/Cain’s’ policies and speeches have been written by him. “Grey, he’s just such a damn great actor, he really knocked it out of the park on this role,” adding ruefully, “Have you noticed nobody is really getting down and calling Cain out for his ridiculous positions that don’t make no sense? I could probably have him say he’s gonna make a law that we’ll have sunny skies 365 days a year and they’d buy that, too!”
But Mr. Lee was troubled with the success of his hoax, “See, we put this scam over on the Republican voters and the Republican Party, but what really worries me is that so many media people bought it. Now we got Grey’s fake Cain leading Romney in the polls. Can you dig on that s--t?”
Mr. Lee said when he returns to New York next week, he’s going to call a press conference to reveal the hoax, and expects his mockumentary to be finished and released before the American elections in November of 2012. “I may have to go into hiding after this joint,” Mr. Lee said jokingly, ending our interview.
He is expected to accept the Durward Kirby Adult Film Award tomorrow night at Macduff University’s Malcolm Hall North Annex in Southeast Westlake Park.
This is satire, BTW.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes
www.fishink.us
Alan Smithee
Film Reviewer
Toronto Post and Mail
Oct. 21, 2011
EXCLUSIVE
“I can’t believe it,” a grinning Spike Lee told this reporter yesterday, relaxing in the lounge of the Nikko Hotel’s Star Bar in downtown Toronto. “We thought we might get some media coverage, but not that Herman would get this far!”
In a stunning revelation, the famed American writer/director of such classic hit comedies as “Do the Right Thing,” and “She’s Gotta Have It,” and more serious films such as “Malcolm X” and “Mo’ Better Blues,” explained that he had hired an actor named Grey Goodwin to ‘portray’ Herman Cain for a political mockumentary he’s making with the working title, “Citizen Cain,” about a buffoonish African-American who campaigns for the U.S. presidency as a conservative Republican.
“Man, I just thought we’d get some footage of this cat talking to Republican voters and like that,” Mr. Lee elaborated, “but I never, in my wildest dreams, thought he’d get into these debates or anything.”
According to the writer/director, there is a real Herman Cain, a pizza chain executive, but he’s on a secluded vacation with his family in Switzerland until December. Mr. Lee said that the real Herman Cain is a fan of his films and agreed to go along with the hoax when Mr. Lee presented the idea to him last year.
“See, then I went out and found me a cat who looks and talks like the real Herman Cain to play him in the film, and that wasn’t easy, but we knocked it.”
Mr. Lee went on to say that all of the ‘Goodwin/Cain’s’ policies and speeches have been written by him. “Grey, he’s just such a damn great actor, he really knocked it out of the park on this role,” adding ruefully, “Have you noticed nobody is really getting down and calling Cain out for his ridiculous positions that don’t make no sense? I could probably have him say he’s gonna make a law that we’ll have sunny skies 365 days a year and they’d buy that, too!”
But Mr. Lee was troubled with the success of his hoax, “See, we put this scam over on the Republican voters and the Republican Party, but what really worries me is that so many media people bought it. Now we got Grey’s fake Cain leading Romney in the polls. Can you dig on that s--t?”
Mr. Lee said when he returns to New York next week, he’s going to call a press conference to reveal the hoax, and expects his mockumentary to be finished and released before the American elections in November of 2012. “I may have to go into hiding after this joint,” Mr. Lee said jokingly, ending our interview.
He is expected to accept the Durward Kirby Adult Film Award tomorrow night at Macduff University’s Malcolm Hall North Annex in Southeast Westlake Park.
This is satire, BTW.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes
www.fishink.us
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Connect the Dots: Here’s How We Became the ’99 Percent’
...and some things we can do to change it.
Deregulation enacted by Republicans and conservative Democrats, and an unprecedented Supreme Court decision allowing corporations the free speech the Founders intended only for flesh-and-blood human beings, led to the majority of Americans steadily sinking economically, as the nation’s wealth flowed to the top. Here are some simple demands to reverse this lethal course, along with a few suggestions of my own following the highlighted portion.
Here are my suggestions:
-- End the corporate charter of any corporation that repeatedly or recklessly does harm to their customers or the environment.
-- Revamp the rules regarding the appointment of boards of directors to corporations, making shareholder meetings more convenient to attend, or hold them online, and streamline voting procedures so that shareholders can more easily vote on the compensation packages of top executives and who will serve on the corporate board.
-- End the practice of buying stock ‘on margin.’ (In other words, you must prove you have the money to pay for any stock you are buying.)
-- Stricter enforcement of SEC regulations.
-- Tax companies that outsource jobs or other assets overseas at a rate that will remove the profit in doing so.
-- Tax offshored assets at the same rate domestic profits are taxed.
-- Hold top executives responsible for a corporation’s criminal acts in the same way an individual American would be held responsible. (Example: If an executive approves a heart drug that his company’s internal studies say induces heart attacks, he or she would be as criminally liable as an individual who knowingly provided another person with a drug that caused a heart attack.)
-- No corporation that sells equipment or electronics to the government will retain the right to secret proprietary codes or other information on their products.
-- Finally, of course, we have to ban corporations from lobbying our government officials and limit the money spent in our elections.
But these suggestions are only a start; perhaps we should rethink the whole concept of the corporation as an entity for doing business as they have now become Too Big to Fail behemoths that threaten our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and our form of government, and many continue to exist only through taxpayer bailouts. As Ambrose Bierce put it more than a hundred years ago: “Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.” It’s time we brought back responsibility to the marketplace.
Watch the video:
Here’s a simplified version of President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Second Economic Bill of Rights, proposed in 1944, which, if enacted, would solve a great many of our problems:
Deregulation enacted by Republicans and conservative Democrats, and an unprecedented Supreme Court decision allowing corporations the free speech the Founders intended only for flesh-and-blood human beings, led to the majority of Americans steadily sinking economically, as the nation’s wealth flowed to the top. Here are some simple demands to reverse this lethal course, along with a few suggestions of my own following the highlighted portion.
“The demands are pretty damned easy to summarize:
-- Reinstate Glass-Steagall
-- Audit the FED
-- Reverse Citizens United (via Constitutional Amendment)
-- Overhaul the tax code for the mega-rich (1%) and corporations”
-- “#OWS: Take this video VIRAL, NOW!” Daily Kos, Oct. 9, 2011.
Here are my suggestions:
-- End the corporate charter of any corporation that repeatedly or recklessly does harm to their customers or the environment.
-- Revamp the rules regarding the appointment of boards of directors to corporations, making shareholder meetings more convenient to attend, or hold them online, and streamline voting procedures so that shareholders can more easily vote on the compensation packages of top executives and who will serve on the corporate board.
-- End the practice of buying stock ‘on margin.’ (In other words, you must prove you have the money to pay for any stock you are buying.)
-- Stricter enforcement of SEC regulations.
-- Tax companies that outsource jobs or other assets overseas at a rate that will remove the profit in doing so.
-- Tax offshored assets at the same rate domestic profits are taxed.
-- Hold top executives responsible for a corporation’s criminal acts in the same way an individual American would be held responsible. (Example: If an executive approves a heart drug that his company’s internal studies say induces heart attacks, he or she would be as criminally liable as an individual who knowingly provided another person with a drug that caused a heart attack.)
-- No corporation that sells equipment or electronics to the government will retain the right to secret proprietary codes or other information on their products.
-- Finally, of course, we have to ban corporations from lobbying our government officials and limit the money spent in our elections.
But these suggestions are only a start; perhaps we should rethink the whole concept of the corporation as an entity for doing business as they have now become Too Big to Fail behemoths that threaten our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and our form of government, and many continue to exist only through taxpayer bailouts. As Ambrose Bierce put it more than a hundred years ago: “Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.” It’s time we brought back responsibility to the marketplace.
Watch the video:
Here’s a simplified version of President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Second Economic Bill of Rights, proposed in 1944, which, if enacted, would solve a great many of our problems:
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Sunday, October 02, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Seven Reasons Why Chris Christie Won’t Be the GOP Nominee
1. He’s a Media Darling. Aside from the fact that Christie keeps saying ‘NO’ to a presidential run and the Beltway Punditocracy keeps looking at it upside-down and seeing ‘ON,’ the chattering classes apparently have missed one salient fact: they are not popular with the GOP base who regard them, at best, as the ‘liberal media’ and at worst as keepers of the black antichrist Obama’s socialist flame. Quick, think of a presidential candidate in the 2008 election who was beloved by the media. That’s right, it was former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, grandiloquently dubbed ‘America’s Mayor’ by the fawning habitués and sons of habitués that inhabit the glass-walled towers of Big Media Manhattan and the press cubicles of the crepuscular nation’s capital. The MSM loved themselves some heroic Rudy, almost as much as he loved himself, and were sure Republican primary voters could be persuaded to adore him as well. The stars in their eyes didn’t allow for Rudy reality to penetrate -- he was a lisping, sweaty, East Coast quasi-liberal (he had supported abortion rights and funding for the arts, at one time), who gave tedious speeches and wasn’t popular on his home turf when he tossed his cookies in the ring. The fabled Giuliani ended up getting a single primary vote in Florida and is best remembered for Biden’s trenchant swipe, “A noun, a verb and 9/11” to sum up Rudy’s desperate attempt to outline a reason he should be president. Perhaps Christie’s smart enough to know that the Tony Soprano tough guy image being promulgated by the media is a fabrication neither he nor his record can live down to, and, like Rudy, he’s unpopular in his own backyard. Also like Giuliani, there are bumps and potholes in his past that will be highlighted in relief by a presidential bid; Rudy had Bernie Kerik and other curious financial entanglements; Christie has his record as a US Attorney and his pattern of caving in to corporate interests.
2. The Republican Elite Love Him. The Teabaggers and Christopublicans who make up what remains of the GOP out in Fly-Over Country aren’t enamored of the candidates endorsed by the various shills, operatives and Wall Street moneybags that occupy the skyboxes of the Republican Party. These are simple clodhoppers who melt at the sight of a crucifix held aloft by a guy in cowboy boots waving a pistol, not some slickster in a designer suit and Italian loafers waving down a cab. Multi-millionaire Mitt Romney, it should be pointed out, was ‘The Man’ to the GOP Elite until recently, but now his trail of pinball-machine flip-flopping on every issue and oleaginous persona, not to mention revealing to the rubes that he thinks ‘corporations are people too’ (Mitt, you’re supposed to hide that from the Proles), have left the USS Romney taking on water in open sea, vulnerable to the waterline torpedoes of the every GOP flavor of the month and a clear sign the base distrusts the Chosen One as picked by the likes of a David Brooks or Bill Kristol. Romney may eventually stumble across the GOP primary finish line the winner, but he’ll be horribly damaged goods, ripe for the final landslide humiliation from Team Obama. Christie might also be politically savvy enough to envision this bleak future for himself, if he ran.
3. Christie Has Denounced the GOP Base: Perhaps the Pundits are too deeply entrenched in the redwoods of the inbred Washington conventional wisdom they help create to notice the forest of jabbering incoherent discontent beyond, but GOP primary voters this year are all as crazy as blind bus drivers and East Coaster Christie’s comment disparaging them will not endear him to the rural areas of the South, West and Midwest where these slack-jawed yokels and bitter bigots mostly reside. Christie said unequivocally, “I'm tired of dealing with the crazies.” So, why would Christie put himself through a process where he’ll have to deal with nothing but crazies for the next fourteen months? Moreover, once this remark makes the rounds, as his political opponents will ensure it does, the New Jersey Governor will sink to Michele Bachmann numbers in the polls.
4. ‘Liberal’ Viewpoints. . If he becomes a candidate for president, Christie may very well change his positions ala Romney but, in the past, he’s taken decidedly unRepublican stances on issues important to the GOP base such as guns, immigration and hatred of Muslims. Here’s an exchange on gun control between Christie and Sean Hannity on Fox News:
Imagine that repartee repeatedly appearing in negative ads in GOP primary states, likely sponsored by the NRA. Christie has also shown insufficient passion in detesting illegal immigrants and catering to Islamophobia. Ideological apostasy on any one of these issues would lose the GOP base in 2012; Christie’s managed to hit a triple play.
5. He Believes in Climate Change and Agrees with Scientists That It’s Mainly Caused By Human Activity. Need I say more? To the Dark Agers who vote in GOP primaries, and the wealthy Republicans who keep them in the dark, Christie might as well be saying that if Jesus returned he’d be a Jewish liberal and denounce Israel for the way it treats Palestinians.
6. The Jersey Smart-Ass Act Only Works to a Point. Sure, the GOP base gets a giggle from tough guy Christie telling some poor voter it’s none of their business where his kids go to school, or shutting down questions by swatting some good-government type with an offhand insult, but then, these are Charles Addams caricatures who are so through-the-looking-glass mean-right that they cheer executions and young men dying from lack of medical insurance and boo Iraq War veterans. To the electorate at large, that act doesn’t have legs. Whatever Americans think of President Obama’s skill as president, most of them believe he cares about them and he tries to answer difficult questions fully; contrast that with Christie’s annoyed reactions and flippant or angry answers to any challenging query. After a while, voters in the rest of the country would join New Jersey residents in wondering why they should elect someone who obviously cares so little for most of his constituents, preferring to reward the rich and prosperous corporations at their expense.
7. His Health. I have nothing against chubby people; I myself am the caretaker of a prominent beer gut, and not enough of a hypocrite to criticize anyone else in similar shape. However, Chris Christie is bordering on the morbidly obese -- he must have, at least, a 60-inch waistline -- and he’s experiencing physical problems such as a recent asthma attack that landed him in the hospital. A presidential campaign is a grueling death march that requires the candidate be in good enough physical condition to withstand the congealed chicken dinners, cold coffee, rampant hand-pumping and lack of sleep required to hoodwink the public into voting for you. Despite his tough-talk front, I don’t think Christie has the stamina for such a run. Aside from that, we are a nation that loathes fat people, except for fictional gift-givers like Santa Claus. Not since one-term Republican William Howard Taft a century ago have we had a president who weighed in at over 250 lbs. Those who vote for a candidate based on their looks, and we have far too many of them, would not be marking the ballot for the bulbous Christie. It’s not fair, of course, but it’s our present reality.
There are those, like Jimmy Zuma at Technorati.com, who speculate Christie may be angling for a VP slot, but that doesn’t strike me as credible; I’d bet instead he’ll be defeated in his reelection bid for NJ governor and won’t mind a bit retiring to the comfortable life of a well-paid Wall Street lawyer or corporate board member or even Fox News host. Not everyone in politics actually enjoys the game once elected, and I think Christie’s one of them.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes
http://www.fishink.us/
2. The Republican Elite Love Him. The Teabaggers and Christopublicans who make up what remains of the GOP out in Fly-Over Country aren’t enamored of the candidates endorsed by the various shills, operatives and Wall Street moneybags that occupy the skyboxes of the Republican Party. These are simple clodhoppers who melt at the sight of a crucifix held aloft by a guy in cowboy boots waving a pistol, not some slickster in a designer suit and Italian loafers waving down a cab. Multi-millionaire Mitt Romney, it should be pointed out, was ‘The Man’ to the GOP Elite until recently, but now his trail of pinball-machine flip-flopping on every issue and oleaginous persona, not to mention revealing to the rubes that he thinks ‘corporations are people too’ (Mitt, you’re supposed to hide that from the Proles), have left the USS Romney taking on water in open sea, vulnerable to the waterline torpedoes of the every GOP flavor of the month and a clear sign the base distrusts the Chosen One as picked by the likes of a David Brooks or Bill Kristol. Romney may eventually stumble across the GOP primary finish line the winner, but he’ll be horribly damaged goods, ripe for the final landslide humiliation from Team Obama. Christie might also be politically savvy enough to envision this bleak future for himself, if he ran.
3. Christie Has Denounced the GOP Base: Perhaps the Pundits are too deeply entrenched in the redwoods of the inbred Washington conventional wisdom they help create to notice the forest of jabbering incoherent discontent beyond, but GOP primary voters this year are all as crazy as blind bus drivers and East Coaster Christie’s comment disparaging them will not endear him to the rural areas of the South, West and Midwest where these slack-jawed yokels and bitter bigots mostly reside. Christie said unequivocally, “I'm tired of dealing with the crazies.” So, why would Christie put himself through a process where he’ll have to deal with nothing but crazies for the next fourteen months? Moreover, once this remark makes the rounds, as his political opponents will ensure it does, the New Jersey Governor will sink to Michele Bachmann numbers in the polls.
4. ‘Liberal’ Viewpoints. . If he becomes a candidate for president, Christie may very well change his positions ala Romney but, in the past, he’s taken decidedly unRepublican stances on issues important to the GOP base such as guns, immigration and hatred of Muslims. Here’s an exchange on gun control between Christie and Sean Hannity on Fox News:
HANNITY: “Should every — should every citizen in the state be allowed to get a licensed weapon if they want one?”
CHRISTIE: “In New Jersey, that's not going to happen, Sean.”
Imagine that repartee repeatedly appearing in negative ads in GOP primary states, likely sponsored by the NRA. Christie has also shown insufficient passion in detesting illegal immigrants and catering to Islamophobia. Ideological apostasy on any one of these issues would lose the GOP base in 2012; Christie’s managed to hit a triple play.
5. He Believes in Climate Change and Agrees with Scientists That It’s Mainly Caused By Human Activity. Need I say more? To the Dark Agers who vote in GOP primaries, and the wealthy Republicans who keep them in the dark, Christie might as well be saying that if Jesus returned he’d be a Jewish liberal and denounce Israel for the way it treats Palestinians.
6. The Jersey Smart-Ass Act Only Works to a Point. Sure, the GOP base gets a giggle from tough guy Christie telling some poor voter it’s none of their business where his kids go to school, or shutting down questions by swatting some good-government type with an offhand insult, but then, these are Charles Addams caricatures who are so through-the-looking-glass mean-right that they cheer executions and young men dying from lack of medical insurance and boo Iraq War veterans. To the electorate at large, that act doesn’t have legs. Whatever Americans think of President Obama’s skill as president, most of them believe he cares about them and he tries to answer difficult questions fully; contrast that with Christie’s annoyed reactions and flippant or angry answers to any challenging query. After a while, voters in the rest of the country would join New Jersey residents in wondering why they should elect someone who obviously cares so little for most of his constituents, preferring to reward the rich and prosperous corporations at their expense.
7. His Health. I have nothing against chubby people; I myself am the caretaker of a prominent beer gut, and not enough of a hypocrite to criticize anyone else in similar shape. However, Chris Christie is bordering on the morbidly obese -- he must have, at least, a 60-inch waistline -- and he’s experiencing physical problems such as a recent asthma attack that landed him in the hospital. A presidential campaign is a grueling death march that requires the candidate be in good enough physical condition to withstand the congealed chicken dinners, cold coffee, rampant hand-pumping and lack of sleep required to hoodwink the public into voting for you. Despite his tough-talk front, I don’t think Christie has the stamina for such a run. Aside from that, we are a nation that loathes fat people, except for fictional gift-givers like Santa Claus. Not since one-term Republican William Howard Taft a century ago have we had a president who weighed in at over 250 lbs. Those who vote for a candidate based on their looks, and we have far too many of them, would not be marking the ballot for the bulbous Christie. It’s not fair, of course, but it’s our present reality.
There are those, like Jimmy Zuma at Technorati.com, who speculate Christie may be angling for a VP slot, but that doesn’t strike me as credible; I’d bet instead he’ll be defeated in his reelection bid for NJ governor and won’t mind a bit retiring to the comfortable life of a well-paid Wall Street lawyer or corporate board member or even Fox News host. Not everyone in politics actually enjoys the game once elected, and I think Christie’s one of them.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes
http://www.fishink.us/
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Matching Prominent Republicans with Appropriate Film Titles
The story is Dan Quayle saw the 1972 Robert Redford film ‘The Candidate’ and thought it was a primer on entering politics instead of a warning about selling out one’s principles. Ronald Reagan is said to have had a regular weekly ‘movie premiere night’ while in the White House. Then we had GOP Rep. Kevin McCarthy using a clip from the 2010 Ben Affleck crime saga 'The Town’ to make a point to Teabaggers in Congress. For a party that has so much enmity towards Hollywood, seems the GOP loves itself some flicks, which got me to wondering what movie titles would accurately reflect certain prominent Republicans. For better or worse, here’s what I came up with, in no particular order:
-- Rick Perry: ‘They Live!’
-- John Boehner: ‘The Lost Weekend’
-- Mitch McConnell: ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’ (or, ‘White Hunter, Black Heart’)
-- Mitt Romney: ‘Liar, Liar’
-- Michele Bachmann: ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’
-- Tim Pawlenty: ‘The Incredible Mr. Limpet’
-- Sarah Palin: ‘Mars Needs Women’
-- Allen West: 'Watermelon Man’
-- Paul Ryan: ‘Throw Momma from the Train’
-- Herman Cain: ‘Blackula’
-- George W. Bush: ‘Moon Over Parador’ (or, ‘Wag the Dog’)
-- Dick Cheney: ‘Above the Law’
-- Scott Walker: ‘Gone with the Wind’ (or, ‘The Great Dictator’)
-- John Kasich: ‘Joe Dirt’
-- Rick Snyder: ‘Shadow on the Land’
-- Rick Scott: ‘The Hucksters’
-- Rupert Murdoch: ‘Citizen Kane’
-- Rush Limbaugh: ‘It Came from Outer Space'
-- Glenn Beck: ‘Dumb and Dumber’
-- Bill O’Reilly: ‘The Mouse That Roared'
-- Sean Hannity: ‘Frances the Talking Mule’
-- Ann Coulter: ‘Heathers’
-- Michael Savage: ‘Home Alone’
-- Frank Luntz: ‘The Phantom of the Opera’
-- David H. Koch: ‘The Magic Christian’
-- Karl Rove: ‘Revenge of the Nerds’
-- Ron Paul: ‘Dr. Strangelove’
-- Rick Santorum: ‘Look Who’s Talking Now’
-- Newt Gingrich: ‘No Country for Old Men’ (or, 'Goldfinger')
-- Donald Trump: ‘Mr. Bug Goes to Town’ (or, ‘Hairspray')
© 2011 RS Janes. www.fishink.us
-- Rick Perry: ‘They Live!’
-- John Boehner: ‘The Lost Weekend’
-- Mitch McConnell: ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’ (or, ‘White Hunter, Black Heart’)
-- Mitt Romney: ‘Liar, Liar’
-- Michele Bachmann: ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’
-- Tim Pawlenty: ‘The Incredible Mr. Limpet’
-- Sarah Palin: ‘Mars Needs Women’
-- Allen West: 'Watermelon Man’
-- Paul Ryan: ‘Throw Momma from the Train’
-- Herman Cain: ‘Blackula’
-- George W. Bush: ‘Moon Over Parador’ (or, ‘Wag the Dog’)
-- Dick Cheney: ‘Above the Law’
-- Scott Walker: ‘Gone with the Wind’ (or, ‘The Great Dictator’)
-- John Kasich: ‘Joe Dirt’
-- Rick Snyder: ‘Shadow on the Land’
-- Rick Scott: ‘The Hucksters’
-- Rupert Murdoch: ‘Citizen Kane’
-- Rush Limbaugh: ‘It Came from Outer Space'
-- Glenn Beck: ‘Dumb and Dumber’
-- Bill O’Reilly: ‘The Mouse That Roared'
-- Sean Hannity: ‘Frances the Talking Mule’
-- Ann Coulter: ‘Heathers’
-- Michael Savage: ‘Home Alone’
-- Frank Luntz: ‘The Phantom of the Opera’
-- David H. Koch: ‘The Magic Christian’
-- Karl Rove: ‘Revenge of the Nerds’
-- Ron Paul: ‘Dr. Strangelove’
-- Rick Santorum: ‘Look Who’s Talking Now’
-- Newt Gingrich: ‘No Country for Old Men’ (or, 'Goldfinger')
-- Donald Trump: ‘Mr. Bug Goes to Town’ (or, ‘Hairspray')
© 2011 RS Janes. www.fishink.us
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Friday, September 09, 2011
Thursday, September 08, 2011
The GOP Debate or, the Injustice League of America Has a Press Conference
Left click on image to enlarge.Random Notes on the Sept. 7, 2011 Republican Debate
(Candidates listed in order of polling popularity)
First off, the questioning was pathetic. Here they are huffing and puffing that big government spending is the biggest problem with the economy, then they start babbling about building a two-thousand-mile electronic fence across our border with Mexico and hiring thousands of new officers to police it. The ‘journalists’ on the debate panel never asked how they planned to pay for all of this, especially since some, like Rick Perry, want a ‘balanced budget’ amendment in the Constitution. Okay, Rick, how do you spend the tens of billions to ‘secure’ our border (it will do no such thing, of course), and still balance the budget? Also a few of the GOP Fabricasters greased up that old Republican chant that the government doesn’t create jobs. Aside from the one these candidates are running for, or the one they already occupy, this is obvious bull pucky and I wish one of the ‘reporters’ on the panel — NBC’s Brian Williams fancies himself one I hear — would have asked them what in hell they think all of those American civilians building M-1 Abrams tanks, smart bombs, cruise missiles, predator drones, F/A-18 attack jets, and Nimitz-class aircraft carriers are doing? They all, ultimately, get their paychecks from the government, i.e.: the taxpayers. That said, here’s a brief rundown of how the Clod Squad did:
— Rick Perry: For a supposed ‘Master Debater’ he didn’t live up to his reputation. Hint to Rick: Never give your opponent an opening with a snarky line about his record as governor when you have bigger skeletons hanging in your own closet. Not that this matters to the moon howlers in the Perry camp, though — they’ll refuse to hear it, just as they filter out anything that doesn’t fit their goofy worldview.
— Mitt Romney: Better than expected. His quick, sharp comeback to Perry’s snipe about falling job rates in Massachusetts under Romney’s reign was his best moment, but it’s not going to do him any good with the loony Teabaggers; Romney will merely lose ground less quickly now, barring a sex scandal or major foul-up by Perry.
— Michele Bachmann: Fading into insignificance before our very eyes. Her ad lib about kids needing a job should warrant some kind of investigation into what she did with all of those foster children she likes to brag about raising. What — was she running some kind of Dickensian sweatshop on Daddy’s farm for a little extra cash? “Goddamn it, hurry up and finish those sweaters and then you can have some cold gruel; Kathy Lee’s people are picking them up this afternoon!” I’m just sayin’ I wouldn’t put it past her.
— Ron Paul: Sure, he’s got some good ideas — ending our dumb wars, stopping illegal spying on Americans, and legalizing drugs for adults — but it comes wrapped in a lot of raging anti-government Ayn Randian stupid. I know papa Ron wouldn’t see it this way, but government work is preventing his country-club drunk son from practicing his ‘love’ on his patients, so that’s one thing the gov’t is good for, as well as keeping the elder Paul off the streets and well-fed.
— Newt Blingrich: Did I type ‘Blingrich’? Guess so — that’s my new name for this Tiffany fake who keeps reappearing every presidential election cycle like a bout of stomach flu. His funniest line last night was his insistence that kids should learn American history — that’s priceless coming from the Newt-wit who keeps revising it to fit his ideology and bank account. ‘Blingy’ should be gone by Halloween — there’s not much money flowing into his coffers these days and his campaign staff now consists of two guys he met selling DVD players out of the trunk of a car I’m told. I meant the two guys were selling the DVD players, not Newt, but I can readily understand any confusion.
(Candidates listed in order of polling popularity)
First off, the questioning was pathetic. Here they are huffing and puffing that big government spending is the biggest problem with the economy, then they start babbling about building a two-thousand-mile electronic fence across our border with Mexico and hiring thousands of new officers to police it. The ‘journalists’ on the debate panel never asked how they planned to pay for all of this, especially since some, like Rick Perry, want a ‘balanced budget’ amendment in the Constitution. Okay, Rick, how do you spend the tens of billions to ‘secure’ our border (it will do no such thing, of course), and still balance the budget? Also a few of the GOP Fabricasters greased up that old Republican chant that the government doesn’t create jobs. Aside from the one these candidates are running for, or the one they already occupy, this is obvious bull pucky and I wish one of the ‘reporters’ on the panel — NBC’s Brian Williams fancies himself one I hear — would have asked them what in hell they think all of those American civilians building M-1 Abrams tanks, smart bombs, cruise missiles, predator drones, F/A-18 attack jets, and Nimitz-class aircraft carriers are doing? They all, ultimately, get their paychecks from the government, i.e.: the taxpayers. That said, here’s a brief rundown of how the Clod Squad did:
— Rick Perry: For a supposed ‘Master Debater’ he didn’t live up to his reputation. Hint to Rick: Never give your opponent an opening with a snarky line about his record as governor when you have bigger skeletons hanging in your own closet. Not that this matters to the moon howlers in the Perry camp, though — they’ll refuse to hear it, just as they filter out anything that doesn’t fit their goofy worldview.
— Mitt Romney: Better than expected. His quick, sharp comeback to Perry’s snipe about falling job rates in Massachusetts under Romney’s reign was his best moment, but it’s not going to do him any good with the loony Teabaggers; Romney will merely lose ground less quickly now, barring a sex scandal or major foul-up by Perry.
— Michele Bachmann: Fading into insignificance before our very eyes. Her ad lib about kids needing a job should warrant some kind of investigation into what she did with all of those foster children she likes to brag about raising. What — was she running some kind of Dickensian sweatshop on Daddy’s farm for a little extra cash? “Goddamn it, hurry up and finish those sweaters and then you can have some cold gruel; Kathy Lee’s people are picking them up this afternoon!” I’m just sayin’ I wouldn’t put it past her.
— Ron Paul: Sure, he’s got some good ideas — ending our dumb wars, stopping illegal spying on Americans, and legalizing drugs for adults — but it comes wrapped in a lot of raging anti-government Ayn Randian stupid. I know papa Ron wouldn’t see it this way, but government work is preventing his country-club drunk son from practicing his ‘love’ on his patients, so that’s one thing the gov’t is good for, as well as keeping the elder Paul off the streets and well-fed.
— Newt Blingrich: Did I type ‘Blingrich’? Guess so — that’s my new name for this Tiffany fake who keeps reappearing every presidential election cycle like a bout of stomach flu. His funniest line last night was his insistence that kids should learn American history — that’s priceless coming from the Newt-wit who keeps revising it to fit his ideology and bank account. ‘Blingy’ should be gone by Halloween — there’s not much money flowing into his coffers these days and his campaign staff now consists of two guys he met selling DVD players out of the trunk of a car I’m told. I meant the two guys were selling the DVD players, not Newt, but I can readily understand any confusion.
— Rick Santorum: The Google candidate. To paraphrase John Cage: he’s got nothing to say and he’s saying it, to a constituency that doesn’t exist. Unfortunately for the ‘other Rick’ in the race, he took Harry Truman’s advice to heart when he was a senator from PA — if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog, and St. Santorum did. Poor dog. Somebody call the ASPCA!
— Herman Cain: Like his pizza, he’s loaded with oily processed gunk and entirely tasteless. He’s a ‘Godfather’ only to the miserable underpaid wretches who have the misfortune to work in his restaurants, but in no other way resembles one. If he had more sense, he’d realize the GOP of 2012 is never going to nominate a black man as president and he’s just filling out the role of Token Shill to sucker in some minority voters. Who knows — maybe he’s getting some under-the-table corpo cash to run; it would be the only sane reason to bother. Cain will also be out by the winter.
— Finally, Jon Huntsman: This benighted sap believed the Beltway Media strumpets and their blather about a ‘moderate Republican’ (whatever that is) beating Obama in 2012 and thought he was just the man to do it. (Perhaps he was in China too long to fully appreciate what’s been happening in this country and the GOP.) Short and not sweet: he has no money, little support, and the only Republicans left -- angry bigoted Teabaggers and mean-spirited theocratic Christopublicans -- abhor him for his occasional flashes of decency. The demented party base wants someone who will recite comforting right-wing fairy tales like Perry and Bachmann, not a grown-up who will make them face reality. This is not the year for facing facts in the Republican Party — that’ll come after November 6, 2012 when the GOP is buried in a landslide, electronic voting machines permitting.
© 2011 RS Janes.
http://www.fishink.us/
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Friday, September 02, 2011
The Self-Delusions of the Wealthy: Are They Really Worth What They’re Paid?
“If the wealthy had to work as hard as the janitor, they’d demand enough money to hire someone else to do the job.”
-- Richard Sherricky
As summer slides into fall, if not the financial fall that’s eventual, some things haven’t changed, such as the investment bank aristocracy of Wall Street, already wallowing in obscenely large salaries, apparently believing they actually earn their pay for continuing to peddle worthless paper and hoodwinking their own customers. This addled belief, however, is nothing new.
Having misspent a part of my youth as an advertising executive at a publishing company, I once had an opportunity to encounter wealthy people at business lunches and social functions, and noticed a few habits of hypocritical thinking most of them had in common:
-- To a man — and they were all men back then — they believed, even the silver-spoon trust fund scions and coddled bosses sons, that they were ‘self-made’ and everything they had was attained by their own hard work, even if their wealth was derived from dividend income, the result of a long-dead relative fortunately picking the right investments or starting a successful business.
-- Speaking of hard work, when these CEOs and corporate presidents drifted in at 10 or 11 in the morning to check the mail and sign a few letters, left for a two-hour lunch at 12:30, and then went golfing for the rest of the afternoon, leaving their overworked and underpaid secretaries to run the place, they would still insist that they had ‘worked hard’ all day. The trust fund scoundrels were even worse; they’d sit in a quiet bar in the afternoon hunched over a drink, or lounge at home in their bathrobe, and their ‘work’ for the day consisted of a few calls to the office to see if everything was all right. As usual, a secretary or senior manager was running the company.
-- Whatever their educational institution, Ivy League or state university, they all thought they graduated because they ‘studied hard’ and ‘put their noses to the grindstone’ even though some would laughingly brag, after a few too many cocktails, about how they had hired poor ‘scholarship brainiacs’ or ‘eggheads’ to teach them how to cheat on their tests.
-- While most of them abhorred any publicly-funded program that enabled poor kids to get a better education, and especially affirmative action, they were blind to their own advantages, beyond just being born white. If Uncle Joe picked up the phone to make sure they got into the ‘right’ college, or Daddy was once a student and fast-tracked their ‘legacy’ acceptance into a good university, that was fine — just the way the world worked. Of course, left unsaid was how they would have been able to make their way through college if such financially-strapped ‘scholarship brainiacs’ were not there to help them cheat, just one of many mental cul-de-sacs that these sons of privilege passed by quickly, lest they get caught on their own conundrum.
-- Although most of them supported the war in Vietnam, none of them came close to serving in it. They either received school draft deferments like Dick Cheney; or, like Rush Limbaugh, had a note from the family doctor describing some dread condition that made them militarily unfit, but somehow didn’t interfere with their golf game. Others had a family-friend Congressman intervene to keep them out; or, like Junior Bush, had the Old Man pull a few strings to get them ‘Weekend Warrior’ duty in the National Guard. Privately, they had little regard or compassion for the troops in the field; in fact, they believed them stupid and that the grunts should show gratitude for the opportunity that military service provided to raise their lowly selves out of the ghetto or trailer park. Should they die or be maimed for life during this process of elevation – well, that’s just the price they pay for not having the foresight to be born in better circumstances.
-- Most of them hated paying taxes, the hatred much more intense than that of those lower on the income ladder. Like Leona Helmsley, they thought taxes were fine — for the ‘little people.’ A couple of them were even said to spend more money on lawyers and accountants to avoid paying taxes than the amount they owed in taxes. But they didn’t mind one bit freeloading off poorer folks by using roads, highways, airports, parks, sewer lines and other public facilities partly paid for by the taxes of the non-rich; and they took it for granted their class would receive preferential treatment from cops and firefighters they didn’t want to pay taxes to support. I won’t even get into the courts, prosecutors, and military all arrayed to protect their property that they also didn’t want to pay to uphold — suffice it to say that they didn’t believe in any taxes for themselves, even for those things that benefited them greatly. It would be a mistake to take this as any sort of reasonable consideration on the subject of taxation; it was not – it was a nearly-hysterical emotional reaction born of mindless greed or sheer obtuseness.
Because of my position at the time, I couldn’t easily debunk or refute their various delusions and fits of psychological zoanthropy; to do so might affect my company and my employment there and, frankly, I needed the job. While I would pose a mild question or two -- nothing too challenging or confrontational -- I mainly just listened to their hallucinations. Two of the great common myths of American culture are that you can’t be too rich or too thin. Anyone who has seen a person dying of anorexia knows the first is false, and anyone who has encountered the wealthy as I did knows that an excess of money can be just as harmful to a healthy mind as eating nothing but candy is to the body. One thought, unexpressed, went through my mind repeatedly as I listened and watched these well-heeled business acquaintances go through the motions: what exactly do these people do that is worth so much money? One-thousand dollars an hour or more for calling into the office or letting your secretary handle things? Doling out a few million to someone who cured cancer would seem appropriate; but paying that to a man who rarely worked and took months off for vacation while begrudging his employees a slight raise and a couple of weeks off for a holiday? It was outrageous and the situation has worsened in the decades since these events happened. Then, top executives received about 50 times more than the average worker; today, it’s about 700 times. Yet, are they working any harder than the top execs of the mid-70s? I’d bet Lloyd Blankfein’s yearly salary of $55 million they aren’t.
(Incidentally, I’m exempting here those who really did start their own businesses from scratch with next to nothing. They worked hard getting the place running and deserve to be paid for their effort if they succeed. That said, I don’t know if that effort is worth billions, but that’s a question for another time. Also, I’m not taking a swipe at entertainers or sports stars; most of them also worked hard to get where they are, generally have brief professional lives, and merit compensation for their talents since it’s usually based on public approval rather than a board of directors stocked with your cronies.)
Until executive compensation is brought into line with actual worthwhile work done, and the wealthy have to pay their fair share of taxes, including payroll taxes and capital gains taxes commensurate with what the average worker pays, I don’t think we can resolve our current economic mess.
That aside, the thread running through all of this is the massive degree of self-delusion practiced by those with wealth. It’s scary enough when they know they’re lying to make a buck; it’s pathologically dangerous when they buy into their own fantasies about themselves as have, it seems, the current crop of Wall Street bunco artists and banking grifters. In this case, it won’t end until Richie Rich, ensconced in an office at Goldman Sachs, dreaming up the next fraudulent financial instrument for his firm to foist on the gullible markets, hits bottom – an inevitability since they refuse to learn from their mistakes — and seeks another ‘loan’ from the contemptible ‘little people’ who pay taxes via the federal Big Daddy and, to mix metaphors, the cupboard is bare.
Then these Masters of the Universe will learn the tough lesson the cosseted Junior Bush as president had to endure: there are times when even Big Daddy can’t save you from the hard consequences of acting like a spoiled brat with too much for your own good.
© 2011 RS Janes.
www.fishink.us
-- Richard Sherricky
As summer slides into fall, if not the financial fall that’s eventual, some things haven’t changed, such as the investment bank aristocracy of Wall Street, already wallowing in obscenely large salaries, apparently believing they actually earn their pay for continuing to peddle worthless paper and hoodwinking their own customers. This addled belief, however, is nothing new.
Having misspent a part of my youth as an advertising executive at a publishing company, I once had an opportunity to encounter wealthy people at business lunches and social functions, and noticed a few habits of hypocritical thinking most of them had in common:
-- To a man — and they were all men back then — they believed, even the silver-spoon trust fund scions and coddled bosses sons, that they were ‘self-made’ and everything they had was attained by their own hard work, even if their wealth was derived from dividend income, the result of a long-dead relative fortunately picking the right investments or starting a successful business.
-- Speaking of hard work, when these CEOs and corporate presidents drifted in at 10 or 11 in the morning to check the mail and sign a few letters, left for a two-hour lunch at 12:30, and then went golfing for the rest of the afternoon, leaving their overworked and underpaid secretaries to run the place, they would still insist that they had ‘worked hard’ all day. The trust fund scoundrels were even worse; they’d sit in a quiet bar in the afternoon hunched over a drink, or lounge at home in their bathrobe, and their ‘work’ for the day consisted of a few calls to the office to see if everything was all right. As usual, a secretary or senior manager was running the company.
-- Whatever their educational institution, Ivy League or state university, they all thought they graduated because they ‘studied hard’ and ‘put their noses to the grindstone’ even though some would laughingly brag, after a few too many cocktails, about how they had hired poor ‘scholarship brainiacs’ or ‘eggheads’ to teach them how to cheat on their tests.
-- While most of them abhorred any publicly-funded program that enabled poor kids to get a better education, and especially affirmative action, they were blind to their own advantages, beyond just being born white. If Uncle Joe picked up the phone to make sure they got into the ‘right’ college, or Daddy was once a student and fast-tracked their ‘legacy’ acceptance into a good university, that was fine — just the way the world worked. Of course, left unsaid was how they would have been able to make their way through college if such financially-strapped ‘scholarship brainiacs’ were not there to help them cheat, just one of many mental cul-de-sacs that these sons of privilege passed by quickly, lest they get caught on their own conundrum.
-- Although most of them supported the war in Vietnam, none of them came close to serving in it. They either received school draft deferments like Dick Cheney; or, like Rush Limbaugh, had a note from the family doctor describing some dread condition that made them militarily unfit, but somehow didn’t interfere with their golf game. Others had a family-friend Congressman intervene to keep them out; or, like Junior Bush, had the Old Man pull a few strings to get them ‘Weekend Warrior’ duty in the National Guard. Privately, they had little regard or compassion for the troops in the field; in fact, they believed them stupid and that the grunts should show gratitude for the opportunity that military service provided to raise their lowly selves out of the ghetto or trailer park. Should they die or be maimed for life during this process of elevation – well, that’s just the price they pay for not having the foresight to be born in better circumstances.
-- Most of them hated paying taxes, the hatred much more intense than that of those lower on the income ladder. Like Leona Helmsley, they thought taxes were fine — for the ‘little people.’ A couple of them were even said to spend more money on lawyers and accountants to avoid paying taxes than the amount they owed in taxes. But they didn’t mind one bit freeloading off poorer folks by using roads, highways, airports, parks, sewer lines and other public facilities partly paid for by the taxes of the non-rich; and they took it for granted their class would receive preferential treatment from cops and firefighters they didn’t want to pay taxes to support. I won’t even get into the courts, prosecutors, and military all arrayed to protect their property that they also didn’t want to pay to uphold — suffice it to say that they didn’t believe in any taxes for themselves, even for those things that benefited them greatly. It would be a mistake to take this as any sort of reasonable consideration on the subject of taxation; it was not – it was a nearly-hysterical emotional reaction born of mindless greed or sheer obtuseness.
Because of my position at the time, I couldn’t easily debunk or refute their various delusions and fits of psychological zoanthropy; to do so might affect my company and my employment there and, frankly, I needed the job. While I would pose a mild question or two -- nothing too challenging or confrontational -- I mainly just listened to their hallucinations. Two of the great common myths of American culture are that you can’t be too rich or too thin. Anyone who has seen a person dying of anorexia knows the first is false, and anyone who has encountered the wealthy as I did knows that an excess of money can be just as harmful to a healthy mind as eating nothing but candy is to the body. One thought, unexpressed, went through my mind repeatedly as I listened and watched these well-heeled business acquaintances go through the motions: what exactly do these people do that is worth so much money? One-thousand dollars an hour or more for calling into the office or letting your secretary handle things? Doling out a few million to someone who cured cancer would seem appropriate; but paying that to a man who rarely worked and took months off for vacation while begrudging his employees a slight raise and a couple of weeks off for a holiday? It was outrageous and the situation has worsened in the decades since these events happened. Then, top executives received about 50 times more than the average worker; today, it’s about 700 times. Yet, are they working any harder than the top execs of the mid-70s? I’d bet Lloyd Blankfein’s yearly salary of $55 million they aren’t.
(Incidentally, I’m exempting here those who really did start their own businesses from scratch with next to nothing. They worked hard getting the place running and deserve to be paid for their effort if they succeed. That said, I don’t know if that effort is worth billions, but that’s a question for another time. Also, I’m not taking a swipe at entertainers or sports stars; most of them also worked hard to get where they are, generally have brief professional lives, and merit compensation for their talents since it’s usually based on public approval rather than a board of directors stocked with your cronies.)
Until executive compensation is brought into line with actual worthwhile work done, and the wealthy have to pay their fair share of taxes, including payroll taxes and capital gains taxes commensurate with what the average worker pays, I don’t think we can resolve our current economic mess.
That aside, the thread running through all of this is the massive degree of self-delusion practiced by those with wealth. It’s scary enough when they know they’re lying to make a buck; it’s pathologically dangerous when they buy into their own fantasies about themselves as have, it seems, the current crop of Wall Street bunco artists and banking grifters. In this case, it won’t end until Richie Rich, ensconced in an office at Goldman Sachs, dreaming up the next fraudulent financial instrument for his firm to foist on the gullible markets, hits bottom – an inevitability since they refuse to learn from their mistakes — and seeks another ‘loan’ from the contemptible ‘little people’ who pay taxes via the federal Big Daddy and, to mix metaphors, the cupboard is bare.
Then these Masters of the Universe will learn the tough lesson the cosseted Junior Bush as president had to endure: there are times when even Big Daddy can’t save you from the hard consequences of acting like a spoiled brat with too much for your own good.
© 2011 RS Janes.
www.fishink.us
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
The Unholy GOP Three and He Who Must Not Be Mentioned Except in Disdain
Left click on image to enlarge.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The 2+2 Job Interview
...or, how to get hired in corporate America.
A businessman was interviewing applicants for a corporate position. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job: he asked each applicant, "What is two plus two?"
The first applicant had an economics degree. He thought for a moment and then said, “This bearish market indicates it could be as low as 2.5 and as high as 5.6, but it depends on what Bernanke says tomorrow and what the EU does with the valuation of the Euro.”
The second interviewee was a former Fox News political pundit. His answer was a confident, "Twenty-two, of course."
The third job seeker was an ex-Microsoft phone tech. His answer was, “4.0, but you really should upgrade to the new 4.8 version! You can’t even get patches for 4.0 anymore!”
The next person was a former corporate lawyer. She stated that in the case of Malarkey v. Mathematics Professors of America, two and two seemed to be four, but that answer was contingent on any lawsuits that might arise from the inference that that answer was absolute, any subsequent riders that might be attached to the contract, any tort filings or motions currently under review, and any liens that might be imposed on the answer by the IRS. In any event, the lawyer refused to be responsible for her answer while the matter was still being negotiated out of court.
Next was a recently retired Republican politician. He said it depended on whether both twos belonged to a wealthy person or some poor schlub. In the case of a rich man, two plus two equaled “Tax cut”; in the case of the poor wretch, the answer was “Go to hell.”
Then there appeared a former Blue Dog Democrat. He said he would go along with whatever the Republican said while pretending he had a different answer.
An economist from the libertarian Cato Institute then entered. His reply to the question was short and sweet: “Unfettered free market capitalism is always the answer!”
Then a Messiah College graduate came into the office. She responded that two and two was whatever God said it was, unless it was something with which she didn’t agree -- then it was socialist and evil.
The next-to-last applicant was a Teabagger. After many minutes of long thought he said, “Could you ask me an easier question?”
The final applicant had previously worked for Enron and Standard and Poor’s. The now rather frustrated businessman asked him, "How much is two plus two?"
The applicant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.
2011 RS Janes, rewritten from another joke.
www.fishink.us
A businessman was interviewing applicants for a corporate position. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job: he asked each applicant, "What is two plus two?"
The first applicant had an economics degree. He thought for a moment and then said, “This bearish market indicates it could be as low as 2.5 and as high as 5.6, but it depends on what Bernanke says tomorrow and what the EU does with the valuation of the Euro.”
The second interviewee was a former Fox News political pundit. His answer was a confident, "Twenty-two, of course."
The third job seeker was an ex-Microsoft phone tech. His answer was, “4.0, but you really should upgrade to the new 4.8 version! You can’t even get patches for 4.0 anymore!”
The next person was a former corporate lawyer. She stated that in the case of Malarkey v. Mathematics Professors of America, two and two seemed to be four, but that answer was contingent on any lawsuits that might arise from the inference that that answer was absolute, any subsequent riders that might be attached to the contract, any tort filings or motions currently under review, and any liens that might be imposed on the answer by the IRS. In any event, the lawyer refused to be responsible for her answer while the matter was still being negotiated out of court.
Next was a recently retired Republican politician. He said it depended on whether both twos belonged to a wealthy person or some poor schlub. In the case of a rich man, two plus two equaled “Tax cut”; in the case of the poor wretch, the answer was “Go to hell.”
Then there appeared a former Blue Dog Democrat. He said he would go along with whatever the Republican said while pretending he had a different answer.
An economist from the libertarian Cato Institute then entered. His reply to the question was short and sweet: “Unfettered free market capitalism is always the answer!”
Then a Messiah College graduate came into the office. She responded that two and two was whatever God said it was, unless it was something with which she didn’t agree -- then it was socialist and evil.
The next-to-last applicant was a Teabagger. After many minutes of long thought he said, “Could you ask me an easier question?”
The final applicant had previously worked for Enron and Standard and Poor’s. The now rather frustrated businessman asked him, "How much is two plus two?"
The applicant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it, then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.
2011 RS Janes, rewritten from another joke.
www.fishink.us
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
“Corporations Are People” Gaffe Dooms Romney’s Presidential Bid
These days, Mitt Romney has the haunted look of a mountain climber who just heard half the strands of his lifeline snap while hanging only a few yards from the peak of Mt. Everest. He can’t turn back from his life-long quest to reach the peak, yet he knows there’s a good possibility the rope will break before he reaches his goal and he’ll go plummeting down the side. Along with the overstuffed carload of gobsmacking flip-flops on everything from women’s rights to income taxes to health care that Mitt carries with him like a mummy’s curse, his sure-thing Golden-Haired Boy 2012 GOP presidential nomination is now showing its dark roots, and it’s all the fault of Romney himself.
At the Iowa State Fair the other day, Romney attempted another of those tedious ‘Ask Mitt’ torture sessions where he is forced to extemporize to answer questions from the overly-corndogged locals. This is a dangerous zone for the Mittster, who has a hard enough time getting through his soporific stump speeches without sweating through his magic underwear. Romney no doubt figured he was on safe ground -- it’s Iowa and Republican runs here like boiling grease through a deep fryer. But the rubes were having none of it -- missiles of verbal pyrotechnics, along with derisive laughter, always deadly for a serious candidate, pierced the hot air as oldsters in the crowd fusilladed Romney about Social Security, Medicare, and raising taxes on corporations and his own top one-percent tax bracket to help pay for them. After taking the standard Norquist stupidity pledge never to raise taxes, which is akin to vowing never to move out of your house, even if it’s burning down around you, Mitt then exhibited the complacently haughty behavior that has appealed to his party’s Christopublican-Teabagger base by serenely patronizing his irate interrogators with “Corporations are people, my friend,” a phrase that will follow Romney like a dead skunk chained to his leg for the rest of his doomed quest for the Republican presidential nomination.
Consider that prior to this gaffe, Romney’s thin hold on the nomination was threefold: First, Wall Street reptiles with ice in their aortas and gin-embalmed country club Republicans embraced Mitt as a fellow-traveler -- a man willing to make the hard decisions before lunch of how many American jobs to cut or send to foreign shores and live without guilt on the proceeds. Secondly, others in the party elite thought Romney was an agreeably vacillating vessel who could easily be packaged as a caring ‘moderate conservative’ with a chance of beating Obama in 2012. Third, he has a pile of his own money to sink in his campaign, always a relief and comfort to the political investment class.
But with his ad-lib proclamation on the personhood of corporations, which comes as close as Romney gets to a core principle, he tossed it all away. Mitt might as well have announced he’s a Communist who worships Joe Stalin. To most Americans, unschooled in the prevailing hallucinations of five members of the U.S. Supreme Court, the ruminants of global high finance, the silly supply-side economists of which there seems to be an endless supply, and the curdled cognoscenti of the Federalist Society, corporations are clearly nothing like flesh-and-blood human beings and should not enjoy the same rights. Aside from the obvious that corporations cannot vote, or be hauled into court, or put in jail, and can only be fined for their wrongdoing. (They could also be put out of business, but in corporate-beguiled Washington that happens about as often as Sarah Palin submitting to an interview outside of Fox News.) Unlike Shakespeare’s Shylock, the modern corporation never suffers from cold nor heat nor injury from wounds physical or emotional and represents a unique eternal legal construct -- the front-office executives may change from death and retirement, but the corporation can go on forever. Ambrose Bierce aptly defined this swindle a century ago in “The Devil’s Dictionary”: "Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility." Adding to the legalized larceny, the multi-national corporations take advantage of tax loopholes that are not available to the average American citizen, nor even small businesses, which gives these artificial abstractions unequal and superior rights to real people.
Most Americans are only vaguely aware of any of this, but they do have the fed-up feeling, rightfully, that those at the top of the corporate pie are making out like bandits, and forcing them to work longer hours at less pay to keep their jobs, and they don’t appreciate that ugly pie smashed into their faces by a spoiled multi-millionaire who thinks he should be president. Uttering “Corporations are people” with the passive-aggressive condescension of “my friend” appended removed any chance of Romney reaching the summit as he publicly tried to flim-flam the Iowans into believing that having a mountain of reeking manure in your backyard is the same as owning a prize racehorse.
In another era, a bland and malleable aspirant such as Tim Pawlenty would have taken the top spot after Romney implodes, but this is not that era in GOP politics as the pathetic two-percenter Pawlenty bends over so far backwards trying to appeal to the Teabaggers he appears to be engaged in a bizarre perpetual circus trick and the Republican base rates his conservative sincerity barely above that of Mitt’s.
Meanwhile, Sarah Palin’s presidential ambitions will be confined to wistful private moments inside her ridiculous tour bus; Ron Paul will, as usual, fade as quasi-libertarianism and oligarchic corporatism actually don’t mix well; and Gingrich, Cain, Santorum, Huntsman and the other GOP stragglers will depart with vanity-wall photos of their brief moment on the national stage.
Predictions at this early stage are foolish, but here’s one anyway: I don’t think Romney will last beyond the South Carolina primary, if that far. If Obama was counting on running against Mr. Corporate Personhood, he might want to recalculate -- the vacuous but wingnut-popular Rick Perry is about to announce, and the Ed Rollins version of Michele Bachmann is taking it seriously now, and both are ready to genuflect to the Republican party establishment to get a crack at the White House.
Any progressive or liberal Democrat who takes either the Texas Governor or the Minnesota Congresswoman lightly does so at their peril. Remember the lesson of the 1970s when Ronald Reagan was dismissed as a buffoon too far right to be electable -- we are still paying for that mistake.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes.
http://www.fishink.us/
At the Iowa State Fair the other day, Romney attempted another of those tedious ‘Ask Mitt’ torture sessions where he is forced to extemporize to answer questions from the overly-corndogged locals. This is a dangerous zone for the Mittster, who has a hard enough time getting through his soporific stump speeches without sweating through his magic underwear. Romney no doubt figured he was on safe ground -- it’s Iowa and Republican runs here like boiling grease through a deep fryer. But the rubes were having none of it -- missiles of verbal pyrotechnics, along with derisive laughter, always deadly for a serious candidate, pierced the hot air as oldsters in the crowd fusilladed Romney about Social Security, Medicare, and raising taxes on corporations and his own top one-percent tax bracket to help pay for them. After taking the standard Norquist stupidity pledge never to raise taxes, which is akin to vowing never to move out of your house, even if it’s burning down around you, Mitt then exhibited the complacently haughty behavior that has appealed to his party’s Christopublican-Teabagger base by serenely patronizing his irate interrogators with “Corporations are people, my friend,” a phrase that will follow Romney like a dead skunk chained to his leg for the rest of his doomed quest for the Republican presidential nomination.
Consider that prior to this gaffe, Romney’s thin hold on the nomination was threefold: First, Wall Street reptiles with ice in their aortas and gin-embalmed country club Republicans embraced Mitt as a fellow-traveler -- a man willing to make the hard decisions before lunch of how many American jobs to cut or send to foreign shores and live without guilt on the proceeds. Secondly, others in the party elite thought Romney was an agreeably vacillating vessel who could easily be packaged as a caring ‘moderate conservative’ with a chance of beating Obama in 2012. Third, he has a pile of his own money to sink in his campaign, always a relief and comfort to the political investment class.
But with his ad-lib proclamation on the personhood of corporations, which comes as close as Romney gets to a core principle, he tossed it all away. Mitt might as well have announced he’s a Communist who worships Joe Stalin. To most Americans, unschooled in the prevailing hallucinations of five members of the U.S. Supreme Court, the ruminants of global high finance, the silly supply-side economists of which there seems to be an endless supply, and the curdled cognoscenti of the Federalist Society, corporations are clearly nothing like flesh-and-blood human beings and should not enjoy the same rights. Aside from the obvious that corporations cannot vote, or be hauled into court, or put in jail, and can only be fined for their wrongdoing. (They could also be put out of business, but in corporate-beguiled Washington that happens about as often as Sarah Palin submitting to an interview outside of Fox News.) Unlike Shakespeare’s Shylock, the modern corporation never suffers from cold nor heat nor injury from wounds physical or emotional and represents a unique eternal legal construct -- the front-office executives may change from death and retirement, but the corporation can go on forever. Ambrose Bierce aptly defined this swindle a century ago in “The Devil’s Dictionary”: "Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility." Adding to the legalized larceny, the multi-national corporations take advantage of tax loopholes that are not available to the average American citizen, nor even small businesses, which gives these artificial abstractions unequal and superior rights to real people.
Most Americans are only vaguely aware of any of this, but they do have the fed-up feeling, rightfully, that those at the top of the corporate pie are making out like bandits, and forcing them to work longer hours at less pay to keep their jobs, and they don’t appreciate that ugly pie smashed into their faces by a spoiled multi-millionaire who thinks he should be president. Uttering “Corporations are people” with the passive-aggressive condescension of “my friend” appended removed any chance of Romney reaching the summit as he publicly tried to flim-flam the Iowans into believing that having a mountain of reeking manure in your backyard is the same as owning a prize racehorse.
In another era, a bland and malleable aspirant such as Tim Pawlenty would have taken the top spot after Romney implodes, but this is not that era in GOP politics as the pathetic two-percenter Pawlenty bends over so far backwards trying to appeal to the Teabaggers he appears to be engaged in a bizarre perpetual circus trick and the Republican base rates his conservative sincerity barely above that of Mitt’s.
Meanwhile, Sarah Palin’s presidential ambitions will be confined to wistful private moments inside her ridiculous tour bus; Ron Paul will, as usual, fade as quasi-libertarianism and oligarchic corporatism actually don’t mix well; and Gingrich, Cain, Santorum, Huntsman and the other GOP stragglers will depart with vanity-wall photos of their brief moment on the national stage.
Predictions at this early stage are foolish, but here’s one anyway: I don’t think Romney will last beyond the South Carolina primary, if that far. If Obama was counting on running against Mr. Corporate Personhood, he might want to recalculate -- the vacuous but wingnut-popular Rick Perry is about to announce, and the Ed Rollins version of Michele Bachmann is taking it seriously now, and both are ready to genuflect to the Republican party establishment to get a crack at the White House.
Any progressive or liberal Democrat who takes either the Texas Governor or the Minnesota Congresswoman lightly does so at their peril. Remember the lesson of the 1970s when Ronald Reagan was dismissed as a buffoon too far right to be electable -- we are still paying for that mistake.
Copyright 2011 RS Janes.
http://www.fishink.us/
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Welcome to Fitzwalkerstan -- The Koch Bros. Wisconsin Nightmare Continues
Left click on image to enlarge.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Saturday, August 06, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
Thursday, August 04, 2011
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