Sunday, May 30, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

News of the Future, Rand Paul Edition

Sen. Rand Paul Dead; Author of Controversial Bill

Special to the Louisville Courier-Journal
July 5, 2014


Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) died yesterday afternoon from food poisoning that investigators say he contracted from contaminated meat at his favorite Washington restaurant, the exclusive Le Petomane. Autopsy results concurred that the filet mignon cooked medium-rare consumed by Sen. Paul contained large amounts of deadly E-coli bacteria.

Sen. Paul will be remembered for co-sponsoring, with Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN), the controversial Paul-Bachmann Restoring Our American Freedoms Act that, as well as allowing racial segregation in private businesses open to the public once again, also eliminated the Dept. of Agriculture and ended government inspection of meat and other food products. President Palin signed the act into law just a month before Sen. Paul's untimely death.

The Senator's life might yet have been saved, but public ambulance service was discontinued following passage of last year's Republican-sponsored National Personal Responsibility Act, which Sen. Paul also avidly supported. A spokesman for Paul's office said he had forgotten to renew his private ambulance subscription due to his hectic Senate schedule. Instead, a very ill Sen. Paul was put into a cab by his wife and died in transit to the hospital, stuck in rush-hour traffic made worse by the crumbling roads that have not been repaired by their new private corporate owners.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that a donation be made to the Club For Growth's Accidents Happen Fund. Private services will be held Wednesday at the Exxon-Mobil Memorial Cemetery in Louisville.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Sarah & Todd: The Wasilly Hillbillies and the Writer

-- The Daily Breeze, May 25, 2010.
Left click on image to enlarge.




Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Tattlesnake – Even Kids Know Bristol's Bunkum Isn't Worth 30K Edition

"Bristol Palin will earn $30,000 per speech to talk about getting knocked up!"
-- The Zeitgeisty Report, May 18, 2010.

Mom picked up her precocious 8-year-old daughter from school and, on the drive home, as was their custom, she told Mom how her day went.

About once a month, daughter's teacher presented her class with the question, 'If you could be anyone, who would you be and why?' and that was the big event of this school day

"Oh," Mom said pleasantly, "and who did you want to be?"

"Bristol Palin."

For a fleeting instant, Mom fought back a strong urge to stop the car and throttle her progeny while cursing the kid's pinheaded Republican grandfather on her father's side. Instead, she asked calmly:

"Uh, do you mean Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol?"

Daughter toyed absentmindedly with a shoulder strap on her neon pink knapsack, "Yeah."

"Why would you want to be Bristol Palin?"

"It said on the news she was going to get $30 thousand dollars a speech. She doesn't know anything, so I thought I could get a hundred times that much for a speech 'cause I know more stuff now than she does and I won't have to have a baby or hang around with her awful mother to get the job."

Mom laughed, amused and relieved: At least her only daughter could always make a living as a stand-up comic.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Brief Breakdown of Today's Most Notable Primaries

Pennsylvania Democratic Primary: One of the best political ads I've seen in some time is Rep. Joe Sestak's spot featuring Republican-turned-Democrat Sen. Arlen Specter admitting he changed parties solely to get reelected. The old lizard practically hisses when he snarls the word "reelected" and you could easily imagine his desiccated Dorian-Gray-on-the-easel face asking Eve if she wanted a bite of his apple. Mr. Magic Bullet Theory has shown himself time and again to be a coldly calculating old-line politician at heart, and now it's caught up with him. The last polls I saw had Sestak and Specter running even, but I don't think it will be that close – the solons of the Big Media (BM) Punditsphere don't seem to have noticed that Arlen has no real Democratic constituency in PA, unless it's 80-year-old vipers, and, contrary to Dem Gov. Ed Rendell's public support, the Edster is not about to exercise his state political muscle to shoehorn a creature like Specter into office again, especially after Obama and Biden politely flipped Arlen off. I call it Sestak by 10 points. (Tip to Dems: Follow Sestak's lead and run ads showing your GOP opponent making an ass of him or herself in their own words. They work.)

Arkansas Democratic Primary: Once again the BM has managed to miss the story here, as they did in Connecticut when Ned Lamont beat Joe Lieberman in the Dem primary. As in Specter's case, what was Lieberman's core base of support? Wealthy insurance company execs, AIPAC and Republicans. Why would the GOP back Quisling Joe? Because they knew he was a closet Republican with electable name recognition who would help with their issues and screw up the Dem majority in the Senate. But this won't happen down in Clintonland – sitting Dem. Sen. Blanche Lincoln, like Lieberman, has very narrow Dem support and none of it particularly enthusiastic, and the GOP hates her. On the other side, Lt. Gov. Bill Halter has the same kind of avid progressive ground game Lamont had in CT. It may not even be close but, if it goes to a run-off, Halter will win the day: He's got the eager troops; Blanche has the establishment Dem coffee klatch. Halter by 5 points.

Kentucky Republican Primary: Let's keep it short and sweet: A Libertarian who believes in legalizing drugs and ending our wars overseas, Rep. Ron Paul's son Rand Paul, is about to beat the pants off of the official GOP-endorsed candidate, Trey Grayson. This election may be a heads-up 'game changer' with a long shadow – GOP Sen. Mitch McConnell's KY machine is dead and a Red State is heaving toward purplish Libertarianism rather than Mitch's grisly Bush Neoconnery. The bonus is that the always-wrong and unfailingly unpopular (except to the BM Punditocracy) Dick Cheney has wholeheartedly endorsed Grayson, the sure kiss of death. Paul by at least 10 points and probably much more.

Update, May 19, 2010: Here's how I did:

Pennsylvania: Sestak beat Specter, but I didn't cover the spread – Sestak won by only 9 points instead of 10.

Arkansas: Headed for a run-off with Halter and Lincoln neck-and-neck. I'll stick with Halter by 5 points in the run-off.

Kentucky: Rand Paul walloped Trey Grayson by more than 20 points. Although this election is being framed by the BM Punditburo as a victory for the Tea Partiers, do they mean the original Ron Paul Libertarian tea partiers or the astroturf Dick Armey-Glenn Beck corporate Teabaggers? Methinks it's the latter, and the BM has it wrong again.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

The Tattlesnake -- Glenn Beck's Greased Rail Edition

News Item: Glenn Beck Has Lost 1/3 of His TV Audience Since January

A Shame He'll Miss Out on the Tar and Feathers

Unlike his semi-serious colleagues O'Reilly and Hannity, Beck was always just a babbling flash in the pan; a sideshow freak-out of raving, nearly incoherent right-wing outrage and contradictory conspiracy theories. He had to keep topping himself in craziness or risk boring his audience with deadly repetition. He's now run out of ideas and gone with the latter, and his viewers are turning him off, so his only hope for a final ratings coup is to go out like a flaming comet with a total on-air screeching psychotic meltdown and then R&R at some luxurious mental rehab facility. But don't fret for Beck – he's made many more millions from his strange circus act than most legitimate clowns.

With his ratings dropping, nearly all of his A-line advertisers gone, and his goofy Prof. Irwin Corey and Howard Beal Meet Joe McCarthy routine growing stale, isn't it high time for Uncle Rupert to show Glenn Beck the door?

"Let's put Beck's ratings into context. Yes, in the world of cable news, his numbers are impressive, and virtually any host would be happy to have them. But look how far Glenn Beck has fallen recently. In late January and into February, the program was averaging 3 million viewers each week. And late last year, the show spent month after month flirting with that figure. Today, the viewership is trending around 2 million (Last week it was exactly 2.01 million viewers.) -- which means that in a span of just three months, Glenn Beck has lost nearly one-third of its television audience."
[…]
"Corporate America (aka the beloved free marketplace) wants nothing to do with Beck. … Today, there are less than a handful of nationally recognized advertisers who appear willing to purchase air time on Glenn Beck. Think about the deep, deep discounts Fox News likely has to offer the remaining advertisers in order to get them to come aboard. (And the show is supposed to be a hit.) Now add to that equation the fact that Glenn Beck has lost 1/3 of its audience since January, and you can see where this is heading for Fox News.
"How soft are Beck's current ratings? He's now posting the type of numbers that his show used to get when he was on vacation and somebody less famous stood in for him, like when he took a few days off in late March and his show averaged 1.9 million viewers. Beck's been back from his March vacation for weeks now, but his ratings are roughly the same as when he wasn't even there."
-- Eric Boehlert, "Glenn Beck Has Lost 1/3 of Its TV Audience Since January," Media Matters, April 20, 2010.

Prediction: Beck will be off of Fox News before 2011.