Rove to Inherit the Breaking Wind of Monicagate Two Edition

As Whiteouse Scandals Mount, the Stench of Bush's 'Monicagate' May Be the Low Blow That Leads to Rove Resigning and Bush's Impeachment

"Why can't Karl Rove just put his hand on the Bible and tell the f**king truth?"
-- Jon Stewart on The Daily Show March 21, 2007, as seen at Bartcop.com.

"He had arrived at the point where presently the illusions would cease and he would have entered upon the realities of life, and God help the man that has arrived at that point."
-- Mark Twain, "Joan of Arc."

"The specter of Karl Rove under the 'klieglights' would be political poison to Bush -- and to the GOP. So he's digging in. And the hole could get a lot deeper."
-- Andrew Sullivan, The Atlantic.

"Monkeys, warm with envious spite, their most obliging friends will bite."
-- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack.

First off, the solons of the MSM and right-wing media keep repeating the mantra that there was 'no underlying crime' to Bush dismissing eight federal prosecutors since they 'served at the pleasure of the president.' This is partial nonsense and entirely confusing. While the attorneys may be dismissed by the president for poor performance, they can't be fired for pursuing investigations that may involve criminal activity by the president's party; they take their oath of office, as does every employee of the federal government, to uphold the Constitution and serve the law of the land, not the president. Every case they bring is headed 'The United States vs. ...' not 'George W. Bush vs. ...' They are not personal lawyers for the president, and, if it can be proven that they were fired because they pursued political corruption cases -- which is part of their job -- there might very well be an underlying crime here. The White House cannot instruct the Justice Department to prosecute some cases favorable to its political prospects and ignore others, as Richard Nixon found out. If some of those on the right think that the president should be able to fire any attorney who doesn't 'serve at the president's pleasure' then, as the quote below advises, let George W. Bush pay their salaries from now on instead of the taxpayers. I'd also be interested to hear the opinions of the neocons if a President Bill Clinton had targeted and fired US attorneys who were prosecuting Democrats for corruption. Would there have been an 'underlying crime' then?

"Fine -- if all of the Justice Department's federal prosecutors 'serve at the pleasure of the president' and not on behalf of the people, then the president can damn well pay them out of his own pocket."
-- Max Publico

"To put it charitably, the Bush administration already has a reputation for being less than truthful on a wide range of matters -- and now we have a high-ranking Justice Department official [Monica Goodling], the legal liaison between Gonzales and the White House, opting to clam up. Even for many conservatives, this is too much."
-- Dick Polman, March 2007.

As the burgeoning mess in 'Fredo' Gonzales' Justice Department gradually unravels, an astute friend pointed out the other night that now Bush has his own 'Monicagate,' the Monica this time around being Gonzales' senior aide Monica Goodling. In one of the most twisted, illogical and laughable excuses I've heard since the Final Days of Tricky Dick, Goodling's lawyer John Dowd told the media that his client will take the Fifth like some sleazy mob boss rather than testify before Congress because "The potential for legal jeopardy for Ms. Goodling from even her most truthful and accurate testimony under these circumstances is very real." (Wow -- this is better than the Twinkie defense.)

What are these horrible circumstances that might cause her potential legal jeopardy? Well, the Democrats who are now a majority in Congress may ask tough questions and hold her accountable for her answers. It's called the American system of justice.

"The Attorney General and his key staff will testify before the relevant congressional committees to explain how the decision was made and for what reasons."
-- George W. Bush, March 20, 2007.

"Monica M. Goodling, who has taken an indefinite leave of absence, said in a sworn affidavit to the Senate Judiciary Committee that she will 'decline to answer any and all questions' about the firings because she faces 'a perilous environment in which to testify.'"
-- The Washington Post, March 26, 2007.

"Poor little Monica -- if she testified truthfully she would be forced to lie and then those mean Democrats might charge her with perjury like Scooter Libby. It's all just so unfair!"
-- Elizabeth P. Scott

While I realize that Ms. Goodling graduated from something called Messiah College in Pennsylvania (bet it teaches a whizbang course in Creationism), and took her law degree from Pat Robertson's Regent University, this sturdy little DOJ satrap still should understand the basic concept of our legal system -- it's called 'adversarial' for the reason that two sides, a prosecution and a defense, present conflicting views in open court in order to get at the truth, and sometimes things can get rough; in fact, they are designed to get rough. Yes, if you're lying through your teeth, you might perceive such an environment as 'perilous.' Millions of muggers, murderers, con artists and other criminals have certainly felt that way. Of course, if Monica's telling the truth, then she should have no problem testifying openly -- isn't that what the neocons always tell us: If you have nothing to hide than there's no reason to take the Fifth?

So, what's Monica hiding if this is all just about the routine firing of some attorneys and there is 'no underlying crime'?

After all, the university where she got her law degree is dedicated to disgorging "Christian leaders who will make a difference, who will change the world." Do they plan on changing the world through the Christian act of deception?

Hearkening back to the Clinton analogy in the first paragraph, what would be the reaction of the right if a senior Justice official in a Democratic administration had said they were taking the Fifth in a similar situation?

It should be remembered that Bill Clinton's dalliances with Monica Lewinsky involved no criminal activity, except perhaps to connoisseurs of fine cigars. However unsavory or immoral some thought his affair with an intern it was legal; he was impeached by the Republican-majority Congress for lying under oath. The first Monicagate did not cost us a dime (except in Ken Starr's rabid puritanical prosecution) and hid no corruption; in the final analysis, it was no more important to the health and wealth of the nation than the winner of American Idol.

This Monicagate is different; the image of Karl Rove sitting in the White House directing through underlings DOJ firings for purely partisan reasons -- essentially having taxpayers, even those who can't stand George W. Bush, finance Rove's fantasy of a permanent Republican majority -- is a revelation of the cheesy corruption and cheapjack political schemes that have trumped all other concerns in this administration, even national security, and the White House has been gutted open, its ugly innards running out in plain view.

Pay close attention to this Monicagate; her taking the Fifth is the loose brick that will ultimately bring down the wall that Rove built, along with Karl himself.

"Time discovers truth."
-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Pet Food Recall Info

You’ve no doubt already heard the story:

Experts: More deaths from pet food are likely

Contamination still a mystery as at least 16 animal fatalities are reported

Associated Press
March 24, 2007

ALBANY, N.Y. - Pet owners were rechecking their cabinets and threatening legal action after state officials said rat poison was found in pet food blamed for the deaths of at least 16 cats and dogs.

It was unclear how many deaths would eventually be linked to the “cuts and gravy” style food produced by Menu Foods, but scientists said Friday they expected more would be announced.

The substance in the food was identified as aminopterin, a cancer drug that once was used to induce abortions in the United States and is still used to kill rats in some other countries, state Agriculture Commissioner Patrick Hooker said.

Here’s what you can do:

PET FOOD RECALL INFO

For information concerning the dog and cat food brands that have been contaminated, go to this website:

http://www.menufoods.com/recall/

or call:

1-866-895-2708

Apparently only wet food, especially gravy and meat in pouches, has been affected. Listed at the Menu Foods website are the various brands involved, including detailed information on each brand name that’s been tainted.

Ye Olde Tattlesnake -- Keeping Abreast of the Royal Court Edition

More of the 'Fragrant Gloom' of King George the Younger

Lady Alice. -- "... Nay, 'tis not I ...[that] have broughte forth this rich o'ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further. ..."
Ye Queene.-- "O' God's name, who hath favored us? Hath it come to pass ... [that] a fart shall fart itself?"
Jonson.-- "So fell a blast hath ne'er mine ears saluted, nor yet a stench so all-pervading ..."
-- From "1601" by Mark Twain.

Twas on the Twentieth Day of March in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Seven, that CNN, that Most Trusted Name amongst the Various Names Doing the Business of the Realm's News, reporteth that His Majesty will Magnanimously Permit members of His Court to Speak in Confidence with Commoners from the Lesser Branches of the Government on Capitol Hill, Stipulating that they Shall Not be Under Oath, nor will their Words be Transcribed for later Recitation, say in a Courtroom, regarding the Matter of Certain Royal Prosecutors who were Dismissed because they Ceased to Amuse His Highness; Such Prosecutors, after all, Serving Solely at His Royal Pleasure.

Some of the Surly Great Unwashed hath questioned the Value of such Secret Communication, conducted away from the Prying Eyes and Ever-Suspicious Ears of the Wretched Vassals of the Public Square.

How Dare these Peasants Challenge the Veracity of Vice Regent Rove or the Wholesomeness of Lady Miers! By What Right do they Impugn Trickery or Artifice to the Words of these Worthies?! And Why Require a Transcription of their Conversations -- will not their own Solemn Report on such Exchanges be Ample to Assuage any Doubt?!

Certainly the Sterling Reputations of these Humble Servants of the Crown are Sufficient to Excuse their Personages from the sort of Humiliating Sacred Oath Required in Court of the vulgar Blacksmith, coarse Laborer, penny-poor Wheelwright or shifty wine-drunk Village Foole, vaingloriously tapping out Feculent Messages that Sail Through the Ether! Why the King Himself has Endorsed their Scrupulous Virtue and Honorable Status! Need ye other Vouchsafe than That, ye Varlets!

By All That's Holy -- next these Lowly Serfs will Gainsay the Public Issuances of Our Most Exalted Chancellor Cheney -- then Where shall We Be?!

God Save the Empire!

So Goes Coulter, So Goes the Neocons Edition

Notorious 'Flag Hag' Coulter Has Really Put Her Spike Heels in It Now As Her 'Faggot' Flap Keeps Flapping

Sorry for concentrating on Ann Coulter so much lately, but her downfall is emblematic of the dissolution of the neocon movement in America, largely brought on by their obnoxious insistence on always being right even when wrong, their support of an ideology that has repeatedly been proven a failure, their virulent hatred of any political opposition, and their comfort at continuing to lie long after the truth has been revealed.

After six years of Bush blundering, the public presence of the neocons is roughly that of the cranky crazy aunt who believes the TV is talking to her and tapes over outlets so that electricity can't jump out and 'get at her.'

"Plame was not covert. She worked at CIA headquarters and had not been stationed abroad within five years of the date of Novak's column."
-- Victoria Toensing, from the Washington Post, Feb. 18, 2007, as quoted at Think Progress.

"If Valerie had been an overt employee or a covert employee not covered by IIPA [Intelligence Identities Protection Act] then Scooter Libby would not have had to lie to FBI agents because there would not have been an investigation. But Valerie was a covert agent. Dick Cheney, Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Ari Fleischer, and Richard Armitage, among others, put her name in circulation with members of the press. They harmed a covert agent and in the process did serious damage to our nation's security."
-- Larry C. Johnson, a former CIA agent, in "Was She Covert?" Feb. 20, 2007.

Case in point is this week's Valerie Plame testimony before Congress. Many neocons in the media questioned whether Plame was ever a CIA covert agent at all, from Mona Charen to 'former federal prosecutor' and reliable Bush shill Victoria Toensing, who stated this belief in the same Congressional hearing. As former CIA agent Larry C. Johnson, who attended CIA training with Plame, has noted, Plame's covert status was confirmed by other CIA agents in 2003, after Bob Novak's column outing her was printed. Beyond that, CIA Director Michael Hayden, a Bush appointee, also officially confirmed her classified covert status; she was a NOC (Non Official Cover) covert agent who acted overseas in the vital area of nuclear non-proliferation. In other words, she and her networks would be the people who would find out if terrorists had obtained a nuclear device. Seems pretty important in this post-9/11 era. Outing Plame not only potentially endangered her and her family, it also outed her contacts overseas. This would seem to qualify as a very high crime, and imagine what Charen, Toensing and Co. would have said if Al Gore, when he was Clinton's VP, had done the same thing Cheney has done -- leaked a covert CIA agent's name for political purposes and to avoid the public knowing the White House used forged evidence to get us into a war in Iraq. The roaring from the right for impeachment would have made a tsunami look like a bathtub splash.

Apparently, Charen, Toensing, et al, are merely trying to provide talking points for what remains of the neocon base; their denial of the reality of Plame's status, and the treasonous actions that made it public, is indicative of their lack of character and preference for their party over their country's safety.

But back to the declining fortunes of Coulter.

Here's one aspect of her 'appeal' that has always given the Tattlesnake a belly laugh: Young Republicans drooling over mean-mouthed harpy Ann Coulter as the epitome of sexy womanhood; a stick-thin pop-eyed Olive Oyl who may have the long blonde hair of the seductive siren but is in every other respect a degenerate Mannish Boy straight out of Fellini's Satyricon -- sharp-tongued, angular, coarse, cruel, unloving, thoroughly unfeminine. It's a testament to their cluelessness as to what this says about their own sexuality: they want to be screwed by a nasty dyke (or perhaps an unflattering peek into their relationship with their mothers). Is this the kind of good Christian woman virile Wonder-Bread Republican men want to settle down with -- or just slum up with at the No-Tel Motel for a little adulterous 'side of Newt' action while the Church Lady Missus sits at home knitting booties for their fifth child in five years?

Since her speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference March 2, 2007, where she sarcastically made a reference to John Edwards as a 'faggot,' all three top GOP presidential contenders have denounced her remarks, nine newspapers (and counting) have dropped her column, and Verizon, NetBank and Sallie Mae have pulled ads from her website.

Could we be seeing the ultimate meltdown of the Queen of Neocon Mean -- a fall from gracelessness that Marie Slanderette has deserved for years? This flap is also giving impetus to the general slide of the GOP neocon hate squad, likely to be replaced in the party hierarchy by libertarian and moderate Republicans who have been shunted to the sidelines by such babbling freak shows as Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and their bilious ilk.

After vicious attacks on 9-11 widows, calling for the execution of John Walker Lindh to 'intimidate' liberals, advocating poisoning a Supreme Court Justice as 'just a joke,' asserting that all Democrats are 'no good,' claiming we should invade Muslim countries and kill their leaders, regretting that Timothy McVeigh didn't blow up the New York Times building, and repeatedly calling her political opposition 'traitors,' is it possible that the word that will bring her down, the one that will convince the MSM not to book her as a guest anymore, is 'faggot'? Oh, the irony.

"[The word 'faggot'] It isn't offensive to gays. It has nothing to do with gays."
-- Ann Coulter on Fox News, March 5, 2007, as quoted by AlterNet.

"People die, lose their jobs, are beaten and harassed because of homophobia. Is this what the GOP and the conservative movement stands for? That's fine with me, just don't try to pretend that's not what Coulter is saying."
-- Pam Spaulding, "'Faggot' is dangerous," AlterNet, March 6, 2007.

"Let's be clear -- I'm not advocating that anyone should censor this harridan of hate. But for her own sake (as well as that of the rest of us) if any friends or family do remain, will they please take Ms. Coulter to the rehab that even she is hinting -- in her profoundly Freudian way -- is now necessary?"
-- Rory O'Connor, "Ann Coulter Should 'Go Into Rehab'," AlterNet, March 8, 2007.

Of course, being a good Republican, Ann Coulter will never take responsibility for any harm her flapping jaw causes as she continually ups the ante to get publicity.

"The Americans who are fighting and dying in Iraq were sent there on false pretenses. [Ann] Coulter has contributed greatly to the grotesque disfigurement of our politics. Her political freak show helped render us incapable of sorting out the lies prior to the war. Her loudmouthed jingoism still rules the day, and Coulter, whether she knows it or not, has blood on [her] hands."
-- Joseph A. Palermo, "Ann Coulter Hates the Troops," Common Dreams.org, March 5, 2007.

"Ann Coulter's bigotry and hostility, her public fantasies about violence against Democrats, progressives, and journalists -- and those of countless others like her -- demand more attention, not less. They illustrate the irrational anger that has long driven and sustained the conservative movement. (Those who insist on believing, against all available evidence, that the left is driven more by anger than the right would do well to remember that, during the 2000 Florida recount fiasco, it was the Republicans who rioted, not the Democrats.) But those who applaud Coulter can't win or hold power on their own -- there just aren't enough angry, hate-filled voters in the country. They need the support of more rational and reasonable people, many of whom would be appalled -- and no longer supportive -- if the media showed them the true nature of the extremists they support."
-- Jamison Foser, Media Matters, March 10, 2007.

"Coulter is somewhat desperate so she's articulating this stuff in a crude and obvious fashion in order to keep her stale shtick going. But this concept is so ingrained in the political culture by now that the only thing that really stands out about it is the fact that she used an obvious epithet that is out of public fashion, even at a rightwing event. Suppose she had used the silly word 'girlyman'? Nobody would be calling for the smelling salts. In fact, I would imagine the press corps would have told us all to 'get over it.'"
-- Digby's blog, March, 2007.

Here's a good idea:

"Is there now any doubt that the Republican Party is wholly familiar with Ann's other hysterical schoolyard jokes, like 9/11 widows being "self-obsessed women... enjoying their husbands' deaths" or her "raghead" reference at previous CPAC conference? Yet they still invite her to pump up the CPAC crowd. And she is still guest-staple throughout the FOX News [sic] Network.
"They love the girl and her "schoolyard" jokes." It's time to remind the voter that they do. Everyday. Every way.

"From now on, when talking about the Republican Party or their candidates, let's call them like they are...

"THE PARTY OF ANN COULTER.

"They deserve each other."
-- Steve Young, "The Party of Ann" APJ, March 6, 2007.

I agree with Steve Young, hang Coulter and her hate speech around the GOP like a millstone, it's only what they deserve.
---------------------------------------
It's Confirmed by Bush's CIA Director: Plame Was a Covert Agent

At the time in 2003 the slimemeisters in the White House were trying to leak her name to the media, Valerie Plame was an active covert agent for the CIA , even Bush's CIA Director Michael Hayden acknowledges it. Case closed on all the right-wing fulminating to the contrary.

Leaking a CIA agent's name is a treasonous act; when are the impeachment papers for Dick Cheney going to be readied?

"Yesterday the CIA came out of the closet. CIA Director Michael Hayden approved a statement that contained the following language:

During her employment at the CIA, Ms. Wilson was under cover.

Her employment status with the CIA was classified information prohibited from disclosure under Executive Order 12958.

At the time of the publication of Robert Novak's column on July 14,2003, Ms. Wilson's CIA employment status was covert.

This was classified information.

"Got it? The Director of the CIA confirmed in public for the first time that Valerie Plame Wilson was undercover, was covert and that this information was classified. What is it about English that goober Congressman Westmoreland and ditzy Vicky Toensing don't understand?"
-- Larry C. Johnson, a former CIA agent, "Undercover, Covert, and Classified (Also Hush Hush)," March 17, 2007.

Random Opinionating on the Half Shell Edition

"You can observe a lot by just watching."
-- Yogi Berra

-- Is homosexuality immoral? Hillary Clinton dithered over an answer, finally telling ABC it was for someone else to conclude whether homosexuality is immoral. WTF?! Dems, how about this for an answer: In a free country, it's not the business of a politician nor the government to make judgments about what consenting adults do in the bedroom -- PERIOD. It is also not the business of the military to examine the sex lives of its personnel unless it is affecting their conduct while on duty. If you personally have a problem with someone else's sexual preference, perhaps you need professional help because it's your problem, not theirs, you miserable busybody.

-- Speaking of New York's junior Senator, somebody from her campaign tell her to stop with the accents already. Ever since the campaign days of Gennifer Flowers and 'stand by your man,' Hillary seems addicted to embarrassing herself by occasionally dropping into Norma Rae mode in her speeches. Listen, Mrs. Clinton, you're a bright middle-class white girl from Park Ridge, Illinois, with a very good education who grew up to be a wealthy white woman currently residing in the upper-crust suburbs of New York City when you're not in Washington. Your stint as First Lady of Arkansas notwithstanding, you're just not the Target/Wal-Mart shopper type; your tastes are more chicken Cordon Bleu than chicken-fried steak, and I'll bet you eat ribs with a knife and fork in private, if you ever eat ribs in private at all. This is nothing to be ashamed of, it's just who you are. No one believes it when you start spouting with a Trailer Trash Queen drawl: real Southerners wince at your pandering; everyone else ponders your mental condition. It's even worse when you try to get down and funky -- it's akin to Pee Wee Herman trying to win a Soul Train dance contest. Just be yourself and stop trying so hard to appeal to every ethnicity and region.

-- Good for Mark Green, new co-owner with his brother Steve of Air America Radio, responding to the flap over the Dems refusing to participate in debates hosted by Ailes' neocon Fox News, for brilliantly proposing that liberal AAR host a debate for the Republican presidential candidates in New Hampshire. He assured the GOP that "we too can be fair and balanced." Question: Why hasn't this story received the media play the Fox News ploy did?

-- Boo and hiss to the bland blonde GOP robot on MSNBC recently, advertised as a 'Republican Strategist' (I didn't bother to catch her name, but she's a new face), who compared Alberto Gonzales firing eight prosecutors for doing their jobs to the BS 'Travelgate' nothingburger during the Clinton years. Like most would-be Mary Matalin's, she apparently can't discern the difference between the Clinton's hiring new staff for the White House travel office and federal prosecutors sending politicians to jail for bribery and corruption. Here's a hint, Chuckles: 'Travelgate' did not affect the Republic in any way, nor cost the taxpayer a cent; political corruption and bribery, on the other hand, gets us into needless wars, pollutes our atmosphere, wastes our money on weapons and projects we don't need, and rots the foundation of our democracy. As Smiley O'Reilly would say, "Get it?"

-- "Mistakes were made" aren't words you use to accept responsibility -- that would be "I made mistakes" -- rather, it's a phrase to avoid or diffuse responsibility. As the your ol' Tattler has said before, if the average person says "I'm responsible" for a botched job at work, co-signing a loan, or committing a crime, they get fired, pay money or go to jail. Only in the twisted Bizarro World of official Washington can someone like Alberto Gonzales, or his boss George W. Bush, accept responsibility and keep his job. Gee, what message is this sending to all those children out there that Republicans say they want to inject with good moral values?

-- Seen those reprehensible TV ads touting Bush's complicated and overly expensive Medicare prescription drug plan? The message of this ad is confusingly bifurcated: it tells the consumer to support the plan because 'it's working' while it also says 'let's give the plan a chance to work!' What Big Pharma front group put together this hash? If 'it's working' it doesn't need 'a chance to work' because it's already working; only things that aren't working need a chance to work, which this plan isn't. Sweet Jesus.
------------------------------------------
The Dirty Work of Empire

I wonder how many of our troops in Iraq feel exactly the same way as Orwell did.

"All this was perplexing and upsetting. For at that time I had already made up my mind that imperialism was an evil thing and the sooner I chucked up my job and got out of it the better. Theoretically -- and secretly, of course -- I was all for the Burmese and all against their oppressors, the British. As for the job I was doing, I hated it more bitterly than I can perhaps make clear. In a job like that you see the dirty work of Empire at close quarters. The wretched prisoners huddling in the stinking cages of the lock-ups, the grey, cowed faces of the long-term convicts, the scarred buttocks of the men who had been Bogged with bamboos -- all these oppressed me with an intolerable sense of guilt. But I could get nothing into perspective. I was young and ill-educated and I had had to think out my problems in the utter silence that is imposed on every Englishman in the East. I did not even know that the British Empire is dying, still less did I know that it is a great deal better than the younger empires that are going to supplant it. All I knew was that I was stuck between my hatred of the empire I served and my rage against the evil-spirited little beasts who tried to make my job impossible. With one part of my mind I thought of the British Raj as an unbreakable tyranny, as something clamped down, in saecula saeculorum, upon the will of prostrate peoples; with another part I thought that the greatest joy in the world would be to drive a bayonet into a Buddhist priest's guts. Feelings like these are the normal by-products of imperialism; ask any Anglo-Indian official, if you can catch him off duty."
-- George Orwell, excerpted from "Shooting an Elephant," an essay on his short-lived career as a British police officer in Burma.

Just Another Day in the Empire: March 13, 2007

Through the Lens of CNN, the Most 'Trusted' Name in News:

Item 1: Susan Lisovich told viewers that for every stock that's going up, four are going down and Wall Street is facing a housing market meltdown. Still, that's no reason to panic.

Item 2: Reporting on the politically-motivated firings of eight federal prosecutors, US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was shown in a clip telling the media that 'mistakes were made' and he was 'responsible' but won't resign because it was all the fault of his Chief of Staff Kyle Sampson, who has resigned. How eight senior Justice Department district attorneys could have been dismissed without Gonzales' knowledge and assent is a mystery for the ages. Perhaps he just doesn't pay much attention to his job, which isn't illegal, especially in the Bush Administration. End of story, right?

Item 3: The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Marine Gen. Peter Pace, revealed that, due to the way he was raised, he's uncomfortable with black people in the military, claiming they're 'immoral' -- wait, sorry, that's homosexuals in the military. Of course, his personal prejudices will not in any way affect the way he does his job.

Item 4: In a related item, Wolf Blitzer's first question to Dem presidential candidate John Edwards had to do with his reaction to Pace's remarks concerning gays in the military as if, since Coulter's backhanded reference to Edwards as a 'faggot,' he is now the spokesperson for gay men. Nice play, Wolf! Don't forget to pick up your swag bag from the RNC. When are you going to ask Rudy Giuliani, who frequently dresses up as a woman, if his party is really just a refuge for closeted self-hating gay men?

Item 5: US President [sic] George W. Bush finished up a whirlwind tour of Latin America with a sumptuous photo-op starring him, Laura, Mexican President Felipe Calderon, and Calderon's wife Margerita. No doubt, considering Bush's overwhelming popularity in Central and South America, a few heavily-guarded speeches and state dinners will suffice to bring those peons down there into line, especially with the news that the lion's share of US aid to the region goes to bolster the successful US War on Drugs. Take that, Hugo Chavez!

Item 6: Ads featured a man who wanted to have a love affair with the computer-generated female voice in his rental car's on-board GPS navigation system but was rejected, and headache sufferers who hated their favorite headache relief product's annoying TV commercials, but loved the product itself so much they were willing to appear in more annoying ads to inform the public of that fact.

Ann Coulter: Amazon Woman of the Loons Edition

The 'Heart and Soul' of the Fading Neoconservative GOP, She Just Announced the Bush Choice for the Party's Next Presidential Nominee

"I am happy to hear that after you hear from me, you will hear from Ann Coulter. That is a good thing. Oh yeah!"
-- Mitt Romney at the CPAC convention, March 2, 2007, as quoted by Jamison Foser at Media Matters.

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards. But it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot' -- so I'm kind of at an impasse."
-- Ann Coulter in a speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference, March 2, 2007. From Salon.com.

March 5, 2007 -- While the mainstream media have been grudgingly covering Coulter's using the offensive word 'faggot' in connection with John Edwards, and leading Republican presidential candidates Giuliani, McCain and Romney have belatedly denounced her 'witty' speech-closer at the Conservative Political Action Conference last Friday, other notable news connected to her appearance at the event missed their attention.

First off, as CPAC attendee Andrew Sullivan has said: "When you see her in such a context, you realize that she truly represents the heart and soul of contemporary conservative activism, especially among the young." Not only that, but she is the voice of the Bush family -- the ugly, dark side of elitist authoritarianism, rancorous homophobia, country club racism and vengeful bile that runs deep beneath the genteel political surface of the Bush clan.

Followers of Ann's fetid public career know that she never criticizes any Bush, at least not with the vituperation she reserves for Dems, liberals, Muslims, and Republicans who don't toe the neocon line. She has consistently been the shrill hateful voice of the far right, which has gained her what Glenn Greenwald calls "rock star-adoration by the party faithful." He also noted that "She is the face of what the hard-core Republican Party has become, particularly during the Bush presidency. That is why she holds the position she holds in that movement." Greenwald added:

"The more Ann Coulter says these things, the more popular she becomes in this movement. What this is about is that she reflects exactly what sort of political movement this is. She reflects its true impulses and core beliefs."

But she also represents the core beliefs of the Bush family and the Money Men of the GOP, which is why she's backing ersatz 'moderate' Mitt Romney:

"What do I think of Governor Romney's candidacy for presidency? I think he's probably our best candidate." [...] "And you have to say about Romney, he tricked liberals into voting for him. I like a guy -- I like a guy who hoodwinks liberals so easily."
-- Ann Coulter, speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference March 2, 2007, as quoted by Media Matters.

(Sure she does. She also likes people who hoodwink conservatives, as she's been doing for years.)

In Florida, Bush operatives have lately been pumping state party insiders for Mitt and even though Jeb himself has aristocratically stayed out of the fray, it's obvious he's behind Romney's coronation. Coulter, still popular among the dwindling seethers of the neocon GOP, got her Bush-stamped marching orders and delivered her endorsement speech to CPAC -- watch now as the former Massachusetts Governor's numbers start moving up. The Bushes could never back that 'nasty little man' McCain who has said so many terrible things about President Junior, and Giuliani's much too liberal to be nominated by the party faithful, so the nominee's victory sash is awarded to plucked-from-near-obscurity Romney, a monkey who will gladly dance to the Bush corporatist tune.

Another incident involving the woman who thinks a 'little local facism' is a good thing was the unceremonious removal of Dan Borchers from the CPAC convention hall by Ann's goon squad, as reported at the Lydia Cornell website. Four burly men shoved and wrestled Borchers out of the place, cutting his hand while they tried to rip the convention credentials from around his neck, with a camera tagging along to record the gory details. (At what neo-American Bundt conclave will that video be shown?) When Borchers asked the thugs why they were doing this to him, they replied, "You are not permitted to be here."

Borchers is a conservative Christian military veteran and lifelong Republican, reportedly a humble and mild-mannered man who has written articles critical of Coulter's penchant for plagiarism and believes the bilious hate-speech typified by the amoral Coulter is ruining the Republican Party. His apparent crime against Ann that night was asking another conservative author what he knew regarding Coulter's connection to the Paula Jones lawsuit against Bill Clinton, the case that first brought her to national attention.

Coulter's been fairly quiet since the November 2006 election, and her audience is shrinking along with Bush's popularity as the nation rejects the failed neocon ideology. She can still draw a crowd, but the crowds are smaller and less enthusiastic. Like Britney Spears, she is now reduced to staging increasingly outrageous publicity stunts to spark up her dying career and sell her remaindered books.

What's she going to do next to attract headlines? Maybe she'll shave her head and go into rehab for using the 'N' word to describe Barack Obama.

Will Fox News chuckle about her 'outrageous' behavior then, I wonder -- and will NBC welcome her on The Today Show to trade quips with Matt Lauer?

Re-Reviewing the GOP 2008 Presidential Candidates Edition

Predictions to be taken in the spirit in which they were made -- with a rim of salt and a slice of lime.

"We made too many wrong mistakes."
-- Yogi Berra

What's changed with the Republicans since the last time I did this?

In alphabetical order, starting with the three major players:

-- Rudy Giuliani, former Mayor of New York City:
Has he officially announced? Is the Pope a Catholic who doesn't believe in divorce?
What are his chances? Let's call it right now: Rudy Giuliani's not going to be the next President of the United States. If he makes it through the primaries, he'll be slaughtered in the general election. While he'll quickly wear out his 'anti-terrorist hero of 9/11' shtick, in a bit of table-turning, he'll be the 'Dem Light' on social issues in the general election, and voters might as well vote for a real Democrat instead of someone who pretends to be one. If, on the other hand, he steers far right on both the War on Terra and social issues, he's going to lose anyway; Americans are sore from the side-effects of the right-wing agenda. It's been rumored this guy was afraid to face Hillary for the Senate seat from New York, and used illness as a cover story. He's one good scandal away from being cooked, and the potential burners are lit and ready. America's Mayor might as well throw away his transfer right now -- his campaign bus is never going to arrive at the White House.

-- John McCain, US Senator from Arizona:
Has he officially announced? Perhaps appropriately, considering the low comedy his campaign has become, he announced Feb. 28 on The David Letterman Show.
What are his chances? John McCain's not going to be president either in 2008, or ever. He's squandered all the good will he built up in his 2000 campaign, alienating that combination of sane Republicans, conservative Democrats and moderate independents he might have been able to ride into the White House next year. What has he received in return? Affiliation with a loathed president bottoming out in the polls, a lost war, and a rep as a lap dog for Jerry Falwell. McCain has also further debased himself by hiring Bush operatives, trained by Mr. Karl Rove himself, to run his campaign, so look for things to get mighty nasty in the primaries. The last few speeches by McCain, he didn't look well: wan, weak and wrinkled like Dorian Gray's portrait come to life. His voice sometimes quavers when he delivers his most onerous lines, and he looks down at his shoes a lot. The kind of teeth-aching hypocrisy Johnny has engaged in the past few years will do that to a man. Once he was a Straight-Talk Viet Vet hero; now, even with the puzzling adulation of the corporate media, he's just a puling public embarrassment, the corporate logo of the craven pol who'll say anything to get elected, with his lip prints on the gluteus maximus of President Junior, a man he reportedly privately despises.

-- Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts:
Has he officially announced? Exploratory committee, but he's running.
What are his chances? Mitt Romney's a Twinkie mixed in a blender with a vanilla shake: sweet and bland on a wide range of issues, with empty linguistic calories to spare. The secret favorite of the Bush family -- Jeb's in his corner -- Candidate Jello quivers around but damned if anyone can figure out what he really stands for, aside from the usual 'strong national defense and protecting everyone from everything that polls well, God bless America.' Romney's no brain trust -- which, obviously, does not disqualify from being president -- and he's got that smiling coal-eyed look of easy villainy that doesn't inspire confidence in voters. He's a male model mannequin, a Church of the SubGenius "Bob" with a Betty Bowers minivan wife straight out of RNC Central Casting, perfect for the tight-sphincter suburban honkies of the 'new' GOP. Mitt needn't worry about his Mormonism losing votes; his innate overly-ambitious assholishness will take care of that. With the Bushes help, he'll collect some big corpo money and stay afloat; between him and the rightie media, there will be enough crap spread thick to likely hand him the GOP nomination. No matter -- a toasting will await Mr. White Bread in November of '08. (Damn if writing this didn't make me hungry for some reason.)

'Second-tier' candidates:

-- Sam Brownback, US Senator from Kansas:
Has he officially announced? Yep.
What are his chances? With the country trending liberal, Brownback is a flaky neocon fossil, though not quite 6,000 years old. His 'All God No Gays' patooie may sell well enough in the GOP primaries to keep him alive past his expiration date, but the Big Money is going elsewhere. President Sam he am not.

-- Jeb Bush, former Governor of Florida:
Has he officially announced? No, and he won't.
What are his chances? Unlike his older brother, Jeb reads the polls and newspapers and he knows the Bush name is the kiss of death in national politics for the foreseeable future. May be biding his time, hoping that a Dem in the Oval Office will bungle cleaning up after Dubya so badly that the stage will be set for a Jeb run in 2012, the same year, coincidentally, that the Mayans predicted the end of the world. The Bush Who Should Have Been President If Not For &*%$!@# Karl Rove (go ahead and cry, Poppy) may be content to sit back and play kingmaker behind the scenes, as he's doing with Mitt Romney. Jeb might very well be in and out of courtrooms the next few years if the Dems ever launch an investigation of the voting improprieties in Florida in 2000, 2002 and 2004. Could happen. It's said he's got a slush fund in reserve to defend himself should any such investigation take place. Mentioned as a possible VP candidate in '08, but that's just crazy talk.

-- Jim Gilmore, former Governor of Virginia:
Has he officially announced? Exploratory committee.
What are his chances? Gilmore is not even a distant sail in the Republican primary sunset. His 'vanity candidacy' will be over shortly and he'll go back to harassing his relatives at Thanksgiving with tales of past glory. "Pass me the rolls, Grandpa." "Here. Say, boy, did I ever tell you about the time I was Governor of Virginia and..."

-- Newt Gingrich, former US House Speaker from Georgia:
Has he officially announced? No, but he's been busy acting like he will.
What are his chances? Newt's the stain on the GOP crotch that won't dry. He's spouted so much crazy crap the last 14 years, even most Republicans think he's batty. What's left of the GOP neocons may resurrect him, furiously trying to keep their agenda alive, but the torpedoes are in the water to sink Mr. Bismarck should he head to open water in the primaries. Newt's still what he's always been: a hypocritical bore with a half-cocked leaf-blower for a mouth. It's said Bob Dole once joked Newt's House office in the 1990's was packed with filing cabinets marked "Newt's Ideas" and, in the corner on top of one cabinet, there was a small shoebox labeled "Newt's Good Ideas." The unfortunate thing about Gingrich, for Republicans, is that he mostly spouts nonsense from the filing cabinets. If he catches fire, it will only be his pants burning, and you know what causes trousers to spontaneously burst into flame.

-- Chuck Hagel, US Senator from Nebraska:
Has he officially announced? Not yet.
What are his chances? Hagel could surprise in the late rounds. His anti-Bush slaps could play well in a Republican Party that would like to return to its conservative 'small government, stay the hell out of foreign entanglements' roots. His previous connections to voting machine companies are troubling, but he seems sane at any rate. If the Classic Goldwater Conservatives wrest the GOP from Ralph Reed's Crazy Christians as is likely, Hagel's their man. Still, he's not going to win the WH in 2008 unless the Dems really screw up -- it's just not a Republican year.

-- Mike Huckabee, former Governor of Arkansas:
Has he officially announced? Exploratory committee.
What are his chances? Mike Huckabee is a former Baptist Minister and was once president of the Baptist State Convention. Kinky Friedman had a good take on the Texarkana version of that Christian sect: "I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough." Huck's not the worst of the worst, but he hasn't got a prayer, even if a Republican God lived in Little Rock. Mike's lost a 100 pounds so he'll get the Weight Watchers vote, but that won't mean much in pork-belly-over-the-belt Iowa. Next stop: Late night infomercials for his new diet shake,"Good for Your Heart Huckabee's." (Yes, and the fourth word will be a heart shape.)

-- Duncan L. Hunter, US Representative from California:
Has he officially announced? Exploratory committee.
What are his chances? The day George Bush gets a brain and Cheney gets a heart, Hunter will get the presidency. He's rumored to be such a nasty piece of work staffers scurry in terror at his approach. Stray dogs on the street growl at him and children scream in fear. If he kissed a baby on the campaign trail, the kid would be in therapy for life. Has been mistaken for an angry Russian general and a rabid bulldog by foreign leaders. Might have a future, though, if Hollywood needs a new Ming the Merciless.

-- George Pataki, former Governor of New York:
Has he officially announced? No, but he has a couple of toes in the water.
What are his chances? He's shown up in Iowa and New Hampshire, but most of the audience were there for the free pizza rolls. "Pataki who?" should be on his bumper sticker. Not likely he'll run, but if he does, he'll be in a marathon with his shoelaces tied together. In 2008, if by some miracle he's gets the nomination, he wouldn't carry his home state of New York. Most of all, America's not ready to elect another diddle-de-dumb Republican president named 'George.'

-- Ron Paul, US Representative from Texas:
Has he officially announced? Exploratory committee.
What are his chances? Although I don't always agree with him, libertarian Ron Paul has some good ideas, but he's too sane to be president this time around, at least as a GOP candidate. He's another one who's not likely to go the distance, but he'd make the debates worth watching. The man is fearless and well-informed. After the Republicans revamp their party following the 2008 elections and boot out the crazies, Paul might emerge as a formidable candidate for president.

-- Tom Tancredo, US Representative from Colorado:
Has he officially announced? Exploratory committee.
What are his chances? If I were Tom Tancredo, I wouldn't stay in hotels or motels, or eat at restaurants without a food taster. Most of the Hispanic people he wants to jail and deport work at these places for low wages and would likely make Tom's life a living hell in a hundred different ways. Since he can't travel and campaign, it would pretty much obviate any chances he might have to be president. Well, that and his really shitty personality.

'Third-tier' candidates who actually represent the GOP 'base':

-- Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States:
Has he officially announced? He says absolutely no, he's not running, but we all know what a liar he is.
What are his chances?Incredibly, there is a group within the GOP that really likes this guy -- he personifies all they hold dear: Profit over people, greed uber alles, the government should operate for the benefit of the wealthy and, if you don't like it, peon, go fuck yourself! Bush is the softer, gentler frontman for the Plutocracy; Cheney is its pacemakered, quadruple-bypassed heart and cat-turd soul. For these Dick lovers, nobody but the original will do, so they've formed a 'Draft Cheney' movement, and they don't mean to send the sneering old codpiece to the streets of Baghdad to drive a Humvee -- they think the most hated, deceitful and delusional Veep in US history would actually be a good president. These people are, of course, just as corrupt and sociopathic as their white-haired Mr. Potter idol, but Cheney does represent a good part of the corporate GOP base, as base as they may be. Not a chance of him running though, it would be beneath him; nope, Cheney's going to collect his profits and bunker down somewhere outside the country to dandle his ill-gotten millions on his knee, unless in the next two years BushCo cracks down and we're all wearing armbands and swearing fealty to Alberto's New World Order to protect our freedom from the terrorists.

-- Saint Michael Jesus Archangel, US Fruitcake from Michigan:
Has he officially announced? He's in it to win it, brethren and sistern.
What are his chances? Nothing wrong with this guy: The former Philip Silva, who changed his name legally in 1996, claims that he's known from boyhood that "I was God and Michael the Archangel, but I didn't dare tell anyone, not even anyone in my family because I knew that the devil, Satan, was going to try to murder Me, and indeed he did try, four separate times." He also alleges that he's a Vietnam Vet and that he once worked as an unpaid "volunteer Secret Agent for the Central Intelligence Agency." Although some may call him delusional, many of his opinions are shared by the Dominionists and the Falwell/Robertson fringe of the GOP -- he believes America should be a Christian theocracy and he calls himself a "radical conservative Republican." The only crimp in his march to the White House might be his arrest for attempted murder and other felony charges last March, which prompted the arresting officer to opine, "As a matter of fact, he is crazy. Anyone in their right mind can see that." Being a crazy accused felon, though, shouldn't be an impediment to 'St. Michael' receiving a ton of votes in the GOP primaries -- he's the logical choice of the conservative Jesus kooks. If you'd like to find out more about 'God and Michael the Archangel' (he just couldn't make up his mind), go to http://ArchangelMichael.info but be prepared to read long passages that resemble the ravings of a lunatic. He has a chance, if the Christo-fascists vote with their hearts instead of their empty heads.

-- Michael Savage, Radio Talk Show Host:
Has he officially announced? He's talking about it. Here's what he told NewsMax: "I know it sounds bizarre, but when you consider the people running for the Presidency, none seems to be qualified ... A non-politician who has a very large following, who is very conservative, and who believes in a simple message of borders, language, and culture, has a great chance of electrifying the American people." Yes, 'electrifying' -- like a cattle prod up the old wazoo.
What are his chances? Savage is as toxically nutty as a jar of recalled Peter Pan, but his opinions at least reflect the crazed right-wing bigots in the Republican Party; he's Ann Coulter with a smaller penis. Of course, he couldn't get elected dog catcher, but his appearance in the debates would force the other candidates to either disavow his crackpot ideas -- and lose votes, or dump on him -- and lose votes. A lose-lose situation, which is why the GOP Tower of Power who holds his leash will never let him run. (He'd be fired from his only source of income, his fetid radio show.) At least the former Michael Weiner's seen one thing clearly: "[The Republicans have] virtually no chance of winning right now."

Coming soon: A Tattlesnake re-review of the Dem choices.