Seven Reasons Why Chris Christie Won’t Be the GOP Nominee

1. He’s a Media Darling. Aside from the fact that Christie keeps saying ‘NO’ to a presidential run and the Beltway Punditocracy keeps looking at it upside-down and seeing ‘ON,’ the chattering classes apparently have missed one salient fact: they are not popular with the GOP base who regard them, at best, as the ‘liberal media’ and at worst as keepers of the black antichrist Obama’s socialist flame. Quick, think of a presidential candidate in the 2008 election who was beloved by the media. That’s right, it was former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, grandiloquently dubbed ‘America’s Mayor’ by the fawning habitués and sons of habitués that inhabit the glass-walled towers of Big Media Manhattan and the press cubicles of the crepuscular nation’s capital. The MSM loved themselves some heroic Rudy, almost as much as he loved himself, and were sure Republican primary voters could be persuaded to adore him as well. The stars in their eyes didn’t allow for Rudy reality to penetrate -- he was a lisping, sweaty, East Coast quasi-liberal (he had supported abortion rights and funding for the arts, at one time), who gave tedious speeches and wasn’t popular on his home turf when he tossed his cookies in the ring. The fabled Giuliani ended up getting a single primary vote in Florida and is best remembered for Biden’s trenchant swipe, “A noun, a verb and 9/11” to sum up Rudy’s desperate attempt to outline a reason he should be president. Perhaps Christie’s smart enough to know that the Tony Soprano tough guy image being promulgated by the media is a fabrication neither he nor his record can live down to, and, like Rudy, he’s unpopular in his own backyard. Also like Giuliani, there are bumps and potholes in his past that will be highlighted in relief by a presidential bid; Rudy had Bernie Kerik and other curious financial entanglements; Christie has his record as a US Attorney and his pattern of caving in to corporate interests.

2. The Republican Elite Love Him. The Teabaggers and Christopublicans who make up what remains of the GOP out in Fly-Over Country aren’t enamored of the candidates endorsed by the various shills, operatives and Wall Street moneybags that occupy the skyboxes of the Republican Party. These are simple clodhoppers who melt at the sight of a crucifix held aloft by a guy in cowboy boots waving a pistol, not some slickster in a designer suit and Italian loafers waving down a cab. Multi-millionaire Mitt Romney, it should be pointed out, was ‘The Man’ to the GOP Elite until recently, but now his trail of pinball-machine flip-flopping on every issue and oleaginous persona, not to mention revealing to the rubes that he thinks ‘corporations are people too’ (Mitt, you’re supposed to hide that from the Proles), have left the USS Romney taking on water in open sea, vulnerable to the waterline torpedoes of the every GOP flavor of the month and a clear sign the base distrusts the Chosen One as picked by the likes of a David Brooks or Bill Kristol. Romney may eventually stumble across the GOP primary finish line the winner, but he’ll be horribly damaged goods, ripe for the final landslide humiliation from Team Obama. Christie might also be politically savvy enough to envision this bleak future for himself, if he ran.

3. Christie Has Denounced the GOP Base: Perhaps the Pundits are too deeply entrenched in the redwoods of the inbred Washington conventional wisdom they help create to notice the forest of jabbering incoherent discontent beyond, but GOP primary voters this year are all as crazy as blind bus drivers and East Coaster Christie’s comment disparaging them will not endear him to the rural areas of the South, West and Midwest where these slack-jawed yokels and bitter bigots mostly reside. Christie said unequivocally, “I'm tired of dealing with the crazies.” So, why would Christie put himself through a process where he’ll have to deal with nothing but crazies for the next fourteen months? Moreover, once this remark makes the rounds, as his political opponents will ensure it does, the New Jersey Governor will sink to Michele Bachmann numbers in the polls.

4. ‘Liberal’ Viewpoints. . If he becomes a candidate for president, Christie may very well change his positions ala Romney but, in the past, he’s taken decidedly unRepublican stances on issues important to the GOP base such as guns, immigration and hatred of Muslims. Here’s an exchange on gun control between Christie and Sean Hannity on Fox News:

HANNITY: “Should every — should every citizen in the state be allowed to get a licensed weapon if they want one?”

CHRISTIE: “In New Jersey, that's not going to happen, Sean.”

Imagine that repartee repeatedly appearing in negative ads in GOP primary states, likely sponsored by the NRA. Christie has also shown insufficient passion in detesting illegal immigrants and catering to Islamophobia. Ideological apostasy on any one of these issues would lose the GOP base in 2012; Christie’s managed to hit a triple play.

5. He Believes in Climate Change and Agrees with Scientists That It’s Mainly Caused By Human Activity. Need I say more? To the Dark Agers who vote in GOP primaries, and the wealthy Republicans who keep them in the dark, Christie might as well be saying that if Jesus returned he’d be a Jewish liberal and denounce Israel for the way it treats Palestinians.

6. The Jersey Smart-Ass Act Only Works to a Point. Sure, the GOP base gets a giggle from tough guy Christie telling some poor voter it’s none of their business where his kids go to school, or shutting down questions by swatting some good-government type with an offhand insult, but then, these are Charles Addams caricatures who are so through-the-looking-glass mean-right that they cheer executions and young men dying from lack of medical insurance and boo Iraq War veterans. To the electorate at large, that act doesn’t have legs. Whatever Americans think of President Obama’s skill as president, most of them believe he cares about them and he tries to answer difficult questions fully; contrast that with Christie’s annoyed reactions and flippant or angry answers to any challenging query. After a while, voters in the rest of the country would join New Jersey residents in wondering why they should elect someone who obviously cares so little for most of his constituents, preferring to reward the rich and prosperous corporations at their expense.

7. His Health. I have nothing against chubby people; I myself am the caretaker of a prominent beer gut, and not enough of a hypocrite to criticize anyone else in similar shape. However, Chris Christie is bordering on the morbidly obese -- he must have, at least, a 60-inch waistline -- and he’s experiencing physical problems such as a recent asthma attack that landed him in the hospital. A presidential campaign is a grueling death march that requires the candidate be in good enough physical condition to withstand the congealed chicken dinners, cold coffee, rampant hand-pumping and lack of sleep required to hoodwink the public into voting for you. Despite his tough-talk front, I don’t think Christie has the stamina for such a run. Aside from that, we are a nation that loathes fat people, except for fictional gift-givers like Santa Claus. Not since one-term Republican William Howard Taft a century ago have we had a president who weighed in at over 250 lbs. Those who vote for a candidate based on their looks, and we have far too many of them, would not be marking the ballot for the bulbous Christie. It’s not fair, of course, but it’s our present reality.

There are those, like Jimmy Zuma at Technorati.com, who speculate Christie may be angling for a VP slot, but that doesn’t strike me as credible; I’d bet instead he’ll be defeated in his reelection bid for NJ governor and won’t mind a bit retiring to the comfortable life of a well-paid Wall Street lawyer or corporate board member or even Fox News host. Not everyone in politics actually enjoys the game once elected, and I think Christie’s one of them.

Copyright 2011 RS Janes
http://www.fishink.us/

Tea Party Christian Patriot Gazette Ads for Sept. 2011

Bible College Psychologist

Georgia’s Death Penalty: A Century of Progress

The Ghost of Ronald Reagan on Class Warfare

Matching Prominent Republicans with Appropriate Film Titles

The story is Dan Quayle saw the 1972 Robert Redford film ‘The Candidate’ and thought it was a primer on entering politics instead of a warning about selling out one’s principles. Ronald Reagan is said to have had a regular weekly ‘movie premiere night’ while in the White House. Then we had GOP Rep. Kevin McCarthy using a clip from the 2010 Ben Affleck crime saga 'The Town’ to make a point to Teabaggers in Congress. For a party that has so much enmity towards Hollywood, seems the GOP loves itself some flicks, which got me to wondering what movie titles would accurately reflect certain prominent Republicans. For better or worse, here’s what I came up with, in no particular order:

-- Rick Perry: ‘They Live!’

-- John Boehner: ‘The Lost Weekend’

-- Mitch McConnell: ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’ (or, ‘White Hunter, Black Heart’)

-- Mitt Romney: ‘Liar, Liar’

-- Michele Bachmann: ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’

-- Tim Pawlenty: ‘The Incredible Mr. Limpet’

-- Sarah Palin: ‘Mars Needs Women’

-- Allen West: 'Watermelon Man’

-- Paul Ryan: ‘Throw Momma from the Train’

-- Herman Cain: ‘Blackula’

-- George W. Bush: ‘Moon Over Parador’ (or, ‘Wag the Dog’)

-- Dick Cheney: ‘Above the Law’

-- Scott Walker: ‘Gone with the Wind’ (or, ‘The Great Dictator’)

-- John Kasich: ‘Joe Dirt’

-- Rick Snyder: ‘Shadow on the Land’

-- Rick Scott: ‘The Hucksters’

-- Rupert Murdoch: ‘Citizen Kane’

-- Rush Limbaugh: ‘It Came from Outer Space'

-- Glenn Beck: ‘Dumb and Dumber’

-- Bill O’Reilly: ‘The Mouse That Roared'

-- Sean Hannity: ‘Frances the Talking Mule’

-- Ann Coulter: ‘Heathers’

-- Michael Savage: ‘Home Alone’

-- Frank Luntz: ‘The Phantom of the Opera’

-- David H. Koch: ‘The Magic Christian’

-- Karl Rove: ‘Revenge of the Nerds’

-- Ron Paul: ‘Dr. Strangelove’

-- Rick Santorum: ‘Look Who’s Talking Now’

-- Newt Gingrich: ‘No Country for Old Men’ (or, 'Goldfinger')

-- Donald Trump: ‘Mr. Bug Goes to Town’ (or, ‘Hairspray')

© 2011 RS Janes. www.fishink.us

Class Warfare Comics

Latest Hairstyles for Republican Women (and Men)

Boehner Finally Admits He’s From Another Planet

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The Doomed GOP Taildraggers Soldier On

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Perry is the New GOP Frontrunner by a Wide Margin

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President Perry’s Reign in Headlines

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Obama Goes ‘Full Denzel’ on the Hapless GOP

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The GOP Debate or, the Injustice League of America Has a Press Conference

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Random Notes on the Sept. 7, 2011 Republican Debate
(Candidates listed in order of polling popularity)

First off, the questioning was pathetic. Here they are huffing and puffing that big government spending is the biggest problem with the economy, then they start babbling about building a two-thousand-mile electronic fence across our border with Mexico and hiring thousands of new officers to police it. The ‘journalists’ on the debate panel never asked how they planned to pay for all of this, especially since some, like Rick Perry, want a ‘balanced budget’ amendment in the Constitution. Okay, Rick, how do you spend the tens of billions to ‘secure’ our border (it will do no such thing, of course), and still balance the budget? Also a few of the GOP Fabricasters greased up that old Republican chant that the government doesn’t create jobs. Aside from the one these candidates are running for, or the one they already occupy, this is obvious bull pucky and I wish one of the ‘reporters’ on the panel — NBC’s Brian Williams fancies himself one I hear — would have asked them what in hell they think all of those American civilians building M-1 Abrams tanks, smart bombs, cruise missiles, predator drones, F/A-18 attack jets, and Nimitz-class aircraft carriers are doing? They all, ultimately, get their paychecks from the government, i.e.: the taxpayers. That said, here’s a brief rundown of how the Clod Squad did:

— Rick Perry: For a supposed ‘Master Debater’ he didn’t live up to his reputation. Hint to Rick: Never give your opponent an opening with a snarky line about his record as governor when you have bigger skeletons hanging in your own closet. Not that this matters to the moon howlers in the Perry camp, though — they’ll refuse to hear it, just as they filter out anything that doesn’t fit their goofy worldview.

— Mitt Romney: Better than expected. His quick, sharp comeback to Perry’s snipe about falling job rates in Massachusetts under Romney’s reign was his best moment, but it’s not going to do him any good with the loony Teabaggers; Romney will merely lose ground less quickly now, barring a sex scandal or major foul-up by Perry.

— Michele Bachmann: Fading into insignificance before our very eyes. Her ad lib about kids needing a job should warrant some kind of investigation into what she did with all of those foster children she likes to brag about raising. What — was she running some kind of Dickensian sweatshop on Daddy’s farm for a little extra cash? “Goddamn it, hurry up and finish those sweaters and then you can have some cold gruel; Kathy Lee’s people are picking them up this afternoon!” I’m just sayin’ I wouldn’t put it past her.

— Ron Paul: Sure, he’s got some good ideas — ending our dumb wars, stopping illegal spying on Americans, and legalizing drugs for adults — but it comes wrapped in a lot of raging anti-government Ayn Randian stupid. I know papa Ron wouldn’t see it this way, but government work is preventing his country-club drunk son from practicing his ‘love’ on his patients, so that’s one thing the gov’t is good for, as well as keeping the elder Paul off the streets and well-fed.

— Newt Blingrich: Did I type ‘Blingrich’? Guess so — that’s my new name for this Tiffany fake who keeps reappearing every presidential election cycle like a bout of stomach flu. His funniest line last night was his insistence that kids should learn American history — that’s priceless coming from the Newt-wit who keeps revising it to fit his ideology and bank account. ‘Blingy’ should be gone by Halloween — there’s not much money flowing into his coffers these days and his campaign staff now consists of two guys he met selling DVD players out of the trunk of a car I’m told. I meant the two guys were selling the DVD players, not Newt, but I can readily understand any confusion.

— Rick Santorum: The Google candidate. To paraphrase John Cage: he’s got nothing to say and he’s saying it, to a constituency that doesn’t exist. Unfortunately for the ‘other Rick’ in the race, he took Harry Truman’s advice to heart when he was a senator from PA — if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog, and St. Santorum did. Poor dog. Somebody call the ASPCA!

— Herman Cain: Like his pizza, he’s loaded with oily processed gunk and entirely tasteless. He’s a ‘Godfather’ only to the miserable underpaid wretches who have the misfortune to work in his restaurants, but in no other way resembles one. If he had more sense, he’d realize the GOP of 2012 is never going to nominate a black man as president and he’s just filling out the role of Token Shill to sucker in some minority voters. Who knows — maybe he’s getting some under-the-table corpo cash to run; it would be the only sane reason to bother. Cain will also be out by the winter.

— Finally, Jon Huntsman: This benighted sap believed the Beltway Media strumpets and their blather about a ‘moderate Republican’ (whatever that is) beating Obama in 2012 and thought he was just the man to do it. (Perhaps he was in China too long to fully appreciate what’s been happening in this country and the GOP.) Short and not sweet: he has no money, little support, and the only Republicans left -- angry bigoted Teabaggers and mean-spirited theocratic Christopublicans -- abhor him for his occasional flashes of decency. The demented party base wants someone who will recite comforting right-wing fairy tales like Perry and Bachmann, not a grown-up who will make them face reality. This is not the year for facing facts in the Republican Party — that’ll come after November 6, 2012 when the GOP is buried in a landslide, electronic voting machines permitting.

© 2011 RS Janes.
http://www.fishink.us/

The Republican Vote-Bots of 2012

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The Two-Headed Thing with One Brain

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The Self-Delusions of the Wealthy: Are They Really Worth What They’re Paid?

“If the wealthy had to work as hard as the janitor, they’d demand enough money to hire someone else to do the job.”
-- Richard Sherricky

As summer slides into fall, if not the financial fall that’s eventual, some things haven’t changed, such as the investment bank aristocracy of Wall Street, already wallowing in obscenely large salaries, apparently believing they actually earn their pay for continuing to peddle worthless paper and hoodwinking their own customers. This addled belief, however, is nothing new.

Having misspent a part of my youth as an advertising executive at a publishing company, I once had an opportunity to encounter wealthy people at business lunches and social functions, and noticed a few habits of hypocritical thinking most of them had in common:

-- To a man — and they were all men back then — they believed, even the silver-spoon trust fund scions and coddled bosses sons, that they were ‘self-made’ and everything they had was attained by their own hard work, even if their wealth was derived from dividend income, the result of a long-dead relative fortunately picking the right investments or starting a successful business.

-- Speaking of hard work, when these CEOs and corporate presidents drifted in at 10 or 11 in the morning to check the mail and sign a few letters, left for a two-hour lunch at 12:30, and then went golfing for the rest of the afternoon, leaving their overworked and underpaid secretaries to run the place, they would still insist that they had ‘worked hard’ all day. The trust fund scoundrels were even worse; they’d sit in a quiet bar in the afternoon hunched over a drink, or lounge at home in their bathrobe, and their ‘work’ for the day consisted of a few calls to the office to see if everything was all right. As usual, a secretary or senior manager was running the company.

-- Whatever their educational institution, Ivy League or state university, they all thought they graduated because they ‘studied hard’ and ‘put their noses to the grindstone’ even though some would laughingly brag, after a few too many cocktails, about how they had hired poor ‘scholarship brainiacs’ or ‘eggheads’ to teach them how to cheat on their tests.

-- While most of them abhorred any publicly-funded program that enabled poor kids to get a better education, and especially affirmative action, they were blind to their own advantages, beyond just being born white. If Uncle Joe picked up the phone to make sure they got into the ‘right’ college, or Daddy was once a student and fast-tracked their ‘legacy’ acceptance into a good university, that was fine — just the way the world worked. Of course, left unsaid was how they would have been able to make their way through college if such financially-strapped ‘scholarship brainiacs’ were not there to help them cheat, just one of many mental cul-de-sacs that these sons of privilege passed by quickly, lest they get caught on their own conundrum.

-- Although most of them supported the war in Vietnam, none of them came close to serving in it. They either received school draft deferments like Dick Cheney; or, like Rush Limbaugh, had a note from the family doctor describing some dread condition that made them militarily unfit, but somehow didn’t interfere with their golf game. Others had a family-friend Congressman intervene to keep them out; or, like Junior Bush, had the Old Man pull a few strings to get them ‘Weekend Warrior’ duty in the National Guard. Privately, they had little regard or compassion for the troops in the field; in fact, they believed them stupid and that the grunts should show gratitude for the opportunity that military service provided to raise their lowly selves out of the ghetto or trailer park. Should they die or be maimed for life during this process of elevation – well, that’s just the price they pay for not having the foresight to be born in better circumstances.

-- Most of them hated paying taxes, the hatred much more intense than that of those lower on the income ladder. Like Leona Helmsley, they thought taxes were fine — for the ‘little people.’ A couple of them were even said to spend more money on lawyers and accountants to avoid paying taxes than the amount they owed in taxes. But they didn’t mind one bit freeloading off poorer folks by using roads, highways, airports, parks, sewer lines and other public facilities partly paid for by the taxes of the non-rich; and they took it for granted their class would receive preferential treatment from cops and firefighters they didn’t want to pay taxes to support. I won’t even get into the courts, prosecutors, and military all arrayed to protect their property that they also didn’t want to pay to uphold — suffice it to say that they didn’t believe in any taxes for themselves, even for those things that benefited them greatly. It would be a mistake to take this as any sort of reasonable consideration on the subject of taxation; it was not – it was a nearly-hysterical emotional reaction born of mindless greed or sheer obtuseness.

Because of my position at the time, I couldn’t easily debunk or refute their various delusions and fits of psychological zoanthropy; to do so might affect my company and my employment there and, frankly, I needed the job. While I would pose a mild question or two -- nothing too challenging or confrontational -- I mainly just listened to their hallucinations. Two of the great common myths of American culture are that you can’t be too rich or too thin. Anyone who has seen a person dying of anorexia knows the first is false, and anyone who has encountered the wealthy as I did knows that an excess of money can be just as harmful to a healthy mind as eating nothing but candy is to the body. One thought, unexpressed, went through my mind repeatedly as I listened and watched these well-heeled business acquaintances go through the motions: what exactly do these people do that is worth so much money? One-thousand dollars an hour or more for calling into the office or letting your secretary handle things? Doling out a few million to someone who cured cancer would seem appropriate; but paying that to a man who rarely worked and took months off for vacation while begrudging his employees a slight raise and a couple of weeks off for a holiday? It was outrageous and the situation has worsened in the decades since these events happened. Then, top executives received about 50 times more than the average worker; today, it’s about 700 times. Yet, are they working any harder than the top execs of the mid-70s? I’d bet Lloyd Blankfein’s yearly salary of $55 million they aren’t.

(Incidentally, I’m exempting here those who really did start their own businesses from scratch with next to nothing. They worked hard getting the place running and deserve to be paid for their effort if they succeed. That said, I don’t know if that effort is worth billions, but that’s a question for another time. Also, I’m not taking a swipe at entertainers or sports stars; most of them also worked hard to get where they are, generally have brief professional lives, and merit compensation for their talents since it’s usually based on public approval rather than a board of directors stocked with your cronies.)

Until executive compensation is brought into line with actual worthwhile work done, and the wealthy have to pay their fair share of taxes, including payroll taxes and capital gains taxes commensurate with what the average worker pays, I don’t think we can resolve our current economic mess.

That aside, the thread running through all of this is the massive degree of self-delusion practiced by those with wealth. It’s scary enough when they know they’re lying to make a buck; it’s pathologically dangerous when they buy into their own fantasies about themselves as have, it seems, the current crop of Wall Street bunco artists and banking grifters. In this case, it won’t end until Richie Rich, ensconced in an office at Goldman Sachs, dreaming up the next fraudulent financial instrument for his firm to foist on the gullible markets, hits bottom – an inevitability since they refuse to learn from their mistakes — and seeks another ‘loan’ from the contemptible ‘little people’ who pay taxes via the federal Big Daddy and, to mix metaphors, the cupboard is bare.

Then these Masters of the Universe will learn the tough lesson the cosseted Junior Bush as president had to endure: there are times when even Big Daddy can’t save you from the hard consequences of acting like a spoiled brat with too much for your own good.

© 2011 RS Janes.
www.fishink.us

Welcome to Rick Perry’s Texas!

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