-- The man who is so 'publicly humiliated' by being super-glued to a toilet seat in a chain store that he feels compelled to appear on every TV talk show in the universe to tell us all about it.
-- The police chief who holds a press conference to announce that he has no new information on the case.
-- The politician who convenes a press conference to repeat 'No comment' to the only questions anyone is interested in hearing the answers to.
-- In-a-hurry writers who find violating the rules of grammatical sentence structure are easier than thinking of another way to write the line.
-- Reporters at the scene of a disaster who inevitably seek out the person most overwrought with emotion to interview instead of someone more in control who might actually provide some useful information regarding what caused the disaster.
-- Family members who want 'closure' by seeing someone executed for a crime against a relative, even though they admit they really don't know much about the case.
-- Any reporter who makes him or herself 'part of the story' (are you listening, Geraldo?) to attract attention to themselves and what a 'good person' they are, as opposed to just telling us what's going on. Exception: When there really is a life or death situation that requires an extra hand.
-- Related item: Wall-to-wall coverage of a disaster where nothing is actually happening. Showing a microphone-wielding doofus planted in front of a mine shaft telling us that the situation hasn't changed isn't news; neither is sending your reporters to stand out in the rain getting soaked during hurricane season particularly informative. Yes, 90-mile-an-hour winds are pretty strong alright, but we already know that. Endless helicopter shots of the scene of the crime are also not high on the list of exciting or educational. There are other things going on in the world, Mr. If-It-Bleeds-It-Leads, why not tell us about them?
-- The annual five seasonal tips segments. Functioning adults already know that you should wear a warm coat in cold weather and go to an air conditioned area when it's hot; they also realize that the best cure for thirst when it's warm is a cool drink and that they should drive more carefully when the road's covered in ice. They really don't need a recent Communications School graduate to inform them of these things as if they were revealing the Secrets of the Universe. Is this the level of contempt TV news executives have for their audience? Do they really think the people viewing their network are imbeciles who don't know they should go where it's warm when they're cold and where it's cold when they're hot? The same executives who hire reporters who don't have enough sense to come in out of the rain during a hurricane?
-- Anchors, especially on cable news, who, after reporting poll results, ask the question of their correspondents: "So what does President Bush have to do to reverse his declining poll numbers?" Since when did it become the business of anchor-folk or network correspondents to think of ways to increase Bush's popularity? Stick to reporting what the polls say; Bush has plenty of paid consultants to advise him on how to 'get his numbers up' without your help.
-- 'Debates' presented on cable news between Democratic and Republican consultants -- these things are really not informative and the parties involved are rarely truthful, so what's the point? Since most American voters are not affiliated with either political party, why not at least add an independent voice to mix? Then it might really be a debate, instead of a dreary recitation of the day's talking points.
-- Related to the above item: Letting Dem or GOP consultants spin or lie at will without correcting them with the facts. Though the host may think they are showing respect to their guest, they are showing just the opposite to their audience.
-- Airheaded anchors on news programs who don't seem to be acquainted with the day's news, even after they've read it off the TelePrompter. (Call it the Broadcast News Syndrome.)
-- CNN hiring Bill Bennett as a commentator. Aside from the GOP Virtue King's manifold problems in the past, CNN introduced its new acquisition by featuring him in a 'Situation Room' segment with Wolf Blitzer. Reliable GOP Troll Wolf lobbed respectful slow-pitch softballs to Bilious Bill, who predictably hit them out of the park without breaking a sweat. Is this the plan for the future? Having Bennett on by himself, or with Blitzer, commenting on the day's events without opposition? The only way this would be in the least bit journalistically valid or fair is if CNN also hired someone like Jim Hightower or Ralph Nader to counterbalance this Five-Card Dud. I realize CNN owners TimeWarner have a vested interest in catering to the neocon right, but couldn't they have found someone with more credibility than Mr. Las Vegas?
Well, I see by the clock on the wall that this has gone on long enough.
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Part Two: Twits, Hypocrites, Nitwits and a Little Dick at the End
-- Tattlesnake's had enough of the lame TV ads that inform gullible youth you have to be 'over 30' to drink their brand of piss wa -- light beer. What? It's enough to make you reach for a Sam Smith's Nut Brown Ale. That and the lame-brained 20-something guy creating some disaster because he's a freaking pinhead, and then laughing with friends later about it over -- you guessed it -- a light beer. What chemical are they putting in that stuff that turns the brain to mush -- I mean besides the alcohol? "Less filling...uh, duh, what's the other part, George?" "I'll tell you about the rabbits later, Lenny."
-- Well, the deafening irony just doesn't get any better than watching GOP lawmakers like Sen. Trent Lott (R-Hell) go ballistic and threaten to sue their insurance company because they won't pay off on damage caused by Hurricane Katrina. It does the Tattlesnake's withered heart good to see Republicans hiring despicable 'trial lawyers' to take the corporate insurance bilkers to court. One Louisiana Congresscreature, his house destroyed, said he ranked the insurance companies right down there with child molesters. Hey, welcome to the real world, Mr. Pampered and Perked, this is the crapola average Americans have to put up with daily from their HMO's and other insurance scammers. And guess what: it was the Republican obsession with deregulation that is partially responsible for precipitating this crisis in coverage, you ungodly hypocrites. Here are a few hints: Enact government regulations to force insurance companies to pay off on their claims after a disaster; underwrite reconstruction by the lowest local bidder (instead of wasting money on unused FEMA trailers and no-bid sweetheart contracts); and, while you're at it, join the civilized world and provide universal health coverage for all.
-- What's wrong with this picture? In Chicago, according to CNN, the average teacher earns about $35,000 per year; in Dallas, Texas, the average high school football coach makes $70,000 annually. Reverse those numbers and you can start to improve education in this country.
-- In Cheney's Feb. 15th Fox News interview on his hunting accident where he shot a good friend/acquaintance, he said, "But the image of him falling is something I'll never be able to get out of my mind.... it was, I'd have to say, one of the worst days of my life,..." Touching concern. A shame he doesn't have burned in his mind the images of the more than 2,200 American kids falling that he helped send to die overseas based on his inflated claims of Iraq WMD and invented connections to Al-Qaeda; too bad it doesn't ruin his day every day. To date, neither Dick nor his alleged boss Junior has attended even one funeral of a dead soldier; but then, they aren't all wealthy lawyers from Texas.
OK, thanks, you've been a great audience; tip your bartender and don't drive drunk.
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Today's Quote
"There are only two reasons for Bush to refuse to obey the law. One is that he is guilty of illegitimate spying for which no warrant would be issued by the FISA court. The other is that he is using "national security" to create unconstitutional powers for the executive."
-- Paul Craig Roberts, "Conservatives Endorse the Fuhrer Principle," AntiWar.com, February 17, 2006.
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