Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Gas War and Other Loose Leakers Edition

Passing Gas to Your Friends; Thank You, Meester Boosh!

-- The Gas War is On: Recently, an acquaintance of Tattlesnake's was held up at gun point in the alley right behind his own home. Luckily, he wasn't harmed and nothing was taken but his credit cards. Sadly, for a city the size of Chicago, this was an unremarkable mugging, or would have been until the whole story came out.

When my friend was calling around cancelling his credit cards and making a police report, he discovered that the two young teenagers (15, 16 year olds) who stuck him up immediately went to the gas station and charged hundreds of dollars worth of gas. The police and credit card folks told him this was the new trend since gas prices shot up: Kids heist credit cards and take the whole gang to the gas station where they all fill up, then they quickly ditch the cards. Fortunately, my buddy won't be charged for the gas since he reported the stolen cards right away, but it led Tattlesnake to think that this is the on-the-ground result of living in CEO Bush's American Oiligarchy -- people stealing for gasoline.

Well, at least ExxonMobil is getting filthy rich.

-- What's Wrong with America, #256: The Main Squeeze recently received a gift from her dear elderly mother; a couple of 'hair scrunchies' -- those puffy ponytail holders -- each decorated with a spray of gauzy fabric holding a little red, white or blue star at the end of a translucent strand. It's supposed to look like a burst of fireworks, I guess, but definitely not the Squeeze's style. (Poor Mom can't help it -- she's old.) The Tattlesnake, donning his Investigative Reporter hat (kept behind the stained bottle of Angostura bitters in the liquor cabinet), carefully eyeballed the label: Hmmm, "Patriot Pride"; next line, "HAIR TUTU," and below that, "Wear it with pride!" Okay, well, God bless America and Kate Friggin' Smith. Flip the label over, though, and it read, just beneath the bar code: "D.M. Production, Elmhurst, IL 60126, #USA-TU." But right in the middle, in all caps, it screamed: "MADE IN CHINA".

WTF?! "Patriot Pride"?!

This joins the Museum of Thudding, Jaw-Dropping, Head-Slapping Irony, along with Dubya's photo-op promoting his wondrous work on the economy where his advance team covered 'Made in China' stamps on factory boxes with 'Made in America' labels, and those little American flags pro-war demonstrators often frantically wave, supporting our troops by wanting them to stay in combat in Iraq. Tiny labels are affixed to the sticks holding each flag. Yes, you've already guessed what they say, in eight-point type.

I'd tell everyone to write 'D.M. Production' and ask what in the hell they were thinking, but we'd probably only get a visit from O'Reilly's Fox News Security patrol asking us to explain why we're engaging in such 'un-American' activities. I wonder if D.M. also sells rope...

-- Winning Broken Hearts with Broken Minds: It still hasn't dawned on the Bush Keyboard Kommandos and Neocon Desk Jockeys that fighting the insurgency in Iraq is like fighting water with a hammer; it doesn't matter how hard you hit the water, nor how big the hammer, the water simply scatters and it's still there. The insurgency is still there, and will still be there in the future because, contrary to the ill-winds emanating from the Pentagon and the White House, it's largely made up of Iraqis fighting to get rid of us.

Haditha, Abu Ghraib, the destruction of Fallujah, ad nauseum. The stories of all of these disasters passed among the Iraqis long before they were heard by American ears, the consequence of over-stressed troops, low morale, inept leadership, and governmental paranoia. It's too late to convince the majority of Iraq that we are anything but Saddam in a different uniform and it's past time to take the advice of Rep. Jack Murtha and dozens of retired military brass and pull our forces back to the borders and let the Iraqis form their own government and police themselves, even if that means a civil war (already in progress). At this point, it's the only way out and every death or maiming of one of our guys is simply a sacrifice on the altar of Bush arrogance and incompetence.

-- Finally, every day I hear the MSM go on about Bush doing something or other to placate his 'base' -- now about 30 percent of the population and falling. Here are a couple of questions they never ask: As president, Bush is supposed to represent all of the people -- when does he start working for the nation instead of this confused minority? Why should we pay him and his cabinet (and the Republicans in Congress) to cater to a group the majority doesn't agree with?
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Best Quote Yet on Rove's Immigration Distraction

"Show me a 50-foot wall, and I'll show you a 51-foot ladder."
-- Gov. Janet Napolitano [D-AZ], on building
a wall to stop immigrants. Quoted by Molly Ivins in "Yes, I Am Actually Calling Them Racist," Truthdig, May 22, 2006.

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