Left click on image to enlarge.Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Admiral Breitbart and His Cabin Boy Jimmy O'Keefe Face the Truth Spray!
Left click on image to enlarge.Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Tattlesnake – Potent Political Potables Edition
The Sharron Angle
Combine equal parts chunky peanut butter, gunpowder and sacramental wine in an unclear empty vessel. Using an old blender in a narrow, dimly-lit room, mix until the consistency of baby poop. Serve in cracked teacups. Refrain from sharing the recipe with the media.
The Michele Bachmann
Mix together grapeshot-flavored Kool-Aid, sexual abstinence, Biblical nonsense, Nutty Buddy candy bars and wormwood alcohol with a thousand teabags and let ferment in a fevered brain. Serve to anyone who'll pay attention until you're hired by the Family Research Council after you lose your Congressional seat.
The Glenn Beck
Combine chopped nuts, saccharine, VapoRub, Victory gin, Goldschlager, white lightning, horse pucky and turpentine in a large vat lined with hundred-dollar bills. Drink until you drown.
The John Boehner
Mix equal parts Tang and cheap vodka.
Serve warm in a crockpot, after heating under a sun lamp.
The Andrew Breitbart
Mix equal parts caustic lye, near beer, used tea bags, hair of Rove, pus from a dog bite, aged McCarthyite bile and edited videotape in an Internet website. Whine until someone drinks it, but don't attend the funeral after they do. When it eventually kills you, refuse to admit you're dead.
The Jan Brewer
Prepare a standard pitcher of Margaritas and then add a cup of raw sewage and a cup of flop-sweat political desperation. Stir until the stench drives you away. Serve hot to morons with J. D. Hayworth crackers, Joe Arpaio pink prisoners and Tom Tancredo dip and hope for the best next election.
The Jeb Bush
Combine Southern Comfort, Rebel Yell, light tequila, orange juice, your father's tears, family money and bought-off media contacts in a no-paper-trail electronic voting machine. Strain lightly through an old Klan robe and stir well while pretending to be affable and moderate until you've seized the GOP nomination for president. Just smile confidently when your drunken friends in the media write you're nothing like you're dumber older brother, really.
The Sean Hannity
Stir together equal parts Brylcreem, moonshine, sleaze and Preparation H, and force through a fox's alimentary canal. Drink through a fire hose until belly is distended, then retire proudly on all of that money you stole that was supposed to go to the families of the military.
The Sarah Palin
Mix equal parts cold duck, Russian vodka, old Navy grog, Christian Bros. brandy, Slim Fast, baby formula, iced tea, mashed lipstick, grizzly bear fat, a diced dictionary, steaming bullshit and chopped currency in a Facebook-approved container. Half bake and serve cold to the media and your adoring fans while striking a pose.
The Rand Paul
Tilt your head back at a steep right angle, pour gallons of Kentucky sour mash bourbon and searing hot tea on your face, swallowing what you can of it, while furiously masturbating to a photo of Ayn Rand holding hands with Bull O'Connor. Do this until you are defeated in November.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Combine equal parts chunky peanut butter, gunpowder and sacramental wine in an unclear empty vessel. Using an old blender in a narrow, dimly-lit room, mix until the consistency of baby poop. Serve in cracked teacups. Refrain from sharing the recipe with the media.
The Michele Bachmann
Mix together grapeshot-flavored Kool-Aid, sexual abstinence, Biblical nonsense, Nutty Buddy candy bars and wormwood alcohol with a thousand teabags and let ferment in a fevered brain. Serve to anyone who'll pay attention until you're hired by the Family Research Council after you lose your Congressional seat.
The Glenn Beck
Combine chopped nuts, saccharine, VapoRub, Victory gin, Goldschlager, white lightning, horse pucky and turpentine in a large vat lined with hundred-dollar bills. Drink until you drown.
The John Boehner
Mix equal parts Tang and cheap vodka.
Serve warm in a crockpot, after heating under a sun lamp.
The Andrew Breitbart
Mix equal parts caustic lye, near beer, used tea bags, hair of Rove, pus from a dog bite, aged McCarthyite bile and edited videotape in an Internet website. Whine until someone drinks it, but don't attend the funeral after they do. When it eventually kills you, refuse to admit you're dead.
The Jan Brewer
Prepare a standard pitcher of Margaritas and then add a cup of raw sewage and a cup of flop-sweat political desperation. Stir until the stench drives you away. Serve hot to morons with J. D. Hayworth crackers, Joe Arpaio pink prisoners and Tom Tancredo dip and hope for the best next election.
The Jeb Bush
Combine Southern Comfort, Rebel Yell, light tequila, orange juice, your father's tears, family money and bought-off media contacts in a no-paper-trail electronic voting machine. Strain lightly through an old Klan robe and stir well while pretending to be affable and moderate until you've seized the GOP nomination for president. Just smile confidently when your drunken friends in the media write you're nothing like you're dumber older brother, really.
The Sean Hannity
Stir together equal parts Brylcreem, moonshine, sleaze and Preparation H, and force through a fox's alimentary canal. Drink through a fire hose until belly is distended, then retire proudly on all of that money you stole that was supposed to go to the families of the military.
The Sarah Palin
Mix equal parts cold duck, Russian vodka, old Navy grog, Christian Bros. brandy, Slim Fast, baby formula, iced tea, mashed lipstick, grizzly bear fat, a diced dictionary, steaming bullshit and chopped currency in a Facebook-approved container. Half bake and serve cold to the media and your adoring fans while striking a pose.
The Rand Paul
Tilt your head back at a steep right angle, pour gallons of Kentucky sour mash bourbon and searing hot tea on your face, swallowing what you can of it, while furiously masturbating to a photo of Ayn Rand holding hands with Bull O'Connor. Do this until you are defeated in November.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Monday, July 26, 2010
The Right-Wing Echo Chamber – Pigboy and Squirrelly Show How It's Done
Left click on image to enlarge.Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Tattlesnake – Palin's Muddle Tongue Edition
So Sen. Crash Pilot's erstwhile 2008 VP candidate and half-baked Alaska Governor has decided to invent her own words like 'refudiate' – just like that Limey fella Shakespeare, by golly!
Well, since Mama Grizzly Palin wasn't doing too swell with the dialect most Americans speak, perhaps she had no choice but to become the 'Mutter Curage' of the English language.
Back here at the Tattlesnake hovel, I've decided to conjure up a few words the newly self-anointed wordsmith can add to what Stephanie Miller aptly described as her 'Fictionary.' You're welcome, Sarah.
Historectumy: 1. Pulling inaccurate historical 'facts' from your rear end to make your erroneous opinion seem less idiotic. (See also: 'Fox News' and 'Beck University.')
Stuperior: 1. Superiority in your utter stupidity. 2. The backassward side of something so stupendously dumb that when viewed at multiple angles, every side is backassward. (See also: 'Willful Ignorance,' 'Religious Insanity' and 'Unwarranted Arrogance.')
Taxicology: 1. The uniquely Republican economic psychosis, a colossal failure since its inception, that you can cut taxes and maintain the same level of revenue that you had before you cut taxes by way of the magic fairy dust of the 'free market,' which no one has ever actually witnessed in action. 2. Ignoring the rotten condition of the schools, roads, bridges, parks and other public projects that serve the common good in order to avoid making the wealthy unhappy by having to pay taxes. (See also: 'The Big Rock Candy Mountain' and 'This is Your Brain on Milton Friedman.')
Teabaggy: 1. The feeling of exhaustion from living in a perpetual state of ignorant outrage and bilious hatred. (See also: 'Damp Dittoheads' and 'Michael the Savage Weiner')
Teabuggery: 1. Having your organization sodomized by Republican money, operatives and influence. (See also: 'Dick Armey, Lobbyist' and 'FreedomWorks.')
Wasillingus: 1. Using one's mouth to spread the pernicious political virus of far-right Christopublicanism. 2. A perky rural Alaskan's foot-in-mouth syndrome. (See also: 'Diseases of the Crack Pipe' and 'Polar Meth Lab Sickness.')
That was fun; I may add some more in the future.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Well, since Mama Grizzly Palin wasn't doing too swell with the dialect most Americans speak, perhaps she had no choice but to become the 'Mutter Curage' of the English language.
Back here at the Tattlesnake hovel, I've decided to conjure up a few words the newly self-anointed wordsmith can add to what Stephanie Miller aptly described as her 'Fictionary.' You're welcome, Sarah.
Historectumy: 1. Pulling inaccurate historical 'facts' from your rear end to make your erroneous opinion seem less idiotic. (See also: 'Fox News' and 'Beck University.')
Stuperior: 1. Superiority in your utter stupidity. 2. The backassward side of something so stupendously dumb that when viewed at multiple angles, every side is backassward. (See also: 'Willful Ignorance,' 'Religious Insanity' and 'Unwarranted Arrogance.')
Taxicology: 1. The uniquely Republican economic psychosis, a colossal failure since its inception, that you can cut taxes and maintain the same level of revenue that you had before you cut taxes by way of the magic fairy dust of the 'free market,' which no one has ever actually witnessed in action. 2. Ignoring the rotten condition of the schools, roads, bridges, parks and other public projects that serve the common good in order to avoid making the wealthy unhappy by having to pay taxes. (See also: 'The Big Rock Candy Mountain' and 'This is Your Brain on Milton Friedman.')
Teabaggy: 1. The feeling of exhaustion from living in a perpetual state of ignorant outrage and bilious hatred. (See also: 'Damp Dittoheads' and 'Michael the Savage Weiner')
Teabuggery: 1. Having your organization sodomized by Republican money, operatives and influence. (See also: 'Dick Armey, Lobbyist' and 'FreedomWorks.')
Wasillingus: 1. Using one's mouth to spread the pernicious political virus of far-right Christopublicanism. 2. A perky rural Alaskan's foot-in-mouth syndrome. (See also: 'Diseases of the Crack Pipe' and 'Polar Meth Lab Sickness.')
That was fun; I may add some more in the future.
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Tattlesnake – Dick Cheney Doesn't Have a Pulse Edition
Rachel Maddow reported July 14th that five-heart-attacks-since-he-was-37 Dick Cheney is hanging on by a thread following complete heart failure, kept alive only by a machine called a LVAD resting externally on his belly that keeps his blood moving. Ironically, because an external machine is circulating his blood rather than his damaged heart, Cheney apparently has no pulse, not that I would have sworn he had one before. Although I wouldn't wish death on any human being (leave that to the kill-crazy wingnuts; I'd rather see him in jail), and Deadeye Dick marginally qualifies in that category, this would seem to be close to the end of the line for the Torture Boy – the doctors can do no more except a full heart transplant and he's physically in such bad shape he likely couldn't survive the operation. (Although the sci-fi plot possibilities of Cheney receiving the heart of, say, a peaceful Buddhist monk and publicly renouncing his past self is nearly irresistible. "I've done wrong and now I must pay the price! President Obama, put me in prison for war crimes – waterboard me, I insist! And I'm donating all of my millions in wealth to Green Peace! Liz, stop crying like that!")
If he goes, are we going to be subjected to the full-pomp, days-long state funeral, or will every news outlet but Fox let him pass with just a brief mention and obit? I also wonder if, in his final moments in this realm, a fearful-of-judgment Cheney will pull a Lee Atwater and ask forgiveness for his past crimes and deceptions?
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
If he goes, are we going to be subjected to the full-pomp, days-long state funeral, or will every news outlet but Fox let him pass with just a brief mention and obit? I also wonder if, in his final moments in this realm, a fearful-of-judgment Cheney will pull a Lee Atwater and ask forgiveness for his past crimes and deceptions?
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 09, 2010
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Thursday, July 01, 2010
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