The U.S. Chamber of (Whores for) Commerce

Left click on image the enlarge.

The Tattlesnake – Things That You're Liable to Read in the Bible, Part Huh? Edition

"And thou shalt eat it [as] barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight."
-- Ezekiel 4:12

Drop another log on the fire, so to speak.

"If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel."
-- Deuteronomy 22:22

And yet those pious C Street gentlemen John Ensign and Mark Sanford still walk among us. (I forgot; Old Testament rules only apply to gays.)

"These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among brethren."
-- Proverbs 6:16-19

Has anyone told Fox News?

"Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?"
-- Matthew 6:25

Has anyone told Sarah Palin?

"But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."
-- Matthew 5:36-37

Has anyone told Bush – or his ghostwriter?

"If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property."
-- Exodus 21:20-21

Walmart has this sign hanging over the desks of their factory managers in China.

"And whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, that eateth any manner of blood; I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people."
-- Leviticus 17:10

So much for that trip to the dentist.

"Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, "These are the things the LORD has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."
-- Exodus 35:1-2

But it's the busiest shopping days of the year!

"Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things."
-- Genesis 9:3

Grandpa, get in here – it time to start supper! And 'green herb'? Paging Willie Nelson!

"This shall be the law of the leper in the day of his cleansing: He shall be brought unto the priest: And the priest shall go forth out of the camp; and the priest shall look, and, behold, if the plague of leprosy be healed in the leper; Then shall the priest command to take for him that is to be cleansed two birds alive and clean , and cedar wood, and scarlet, and hyssop: And the priest shall command that one of the birds be killed in an earthen vessel over running water: As for the living bird, he shall take it , and the cedar wood, and the scarlet, and the hyssop, and shall dip them and the living bird in the blood of the bird that was killed over the running water: And he shall sprinkle upon him that is to be cleansed from the leprosy seven times, and shall pronounce him clean, and shall let the living bird loose into the open field."
-- Leviticus 14:3-7

You don't even want to know about the cure for hemorrhoids.

"And the people spake against God, and against Moses, Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? for there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread. And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the LORD, and against thee; pray unto the LORD, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people. And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live. And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived."
-- Numbers 21:5-10

That's right, don't worship any graven image except this here brass snake on a pole! More cosmic comedy courtesy of the Bible.

Biblical quotes from Bad Bible Advice and the Crazy Bible page.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

The Tattlesnake – Thank God They're a Small Minority Edition

"It's plain hokum. If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em. It's an old political trick."
-- Harry S Truman

Your Tattlesnake has had running arguments with various Teabaggers and Tea Party sympathizers for many months now and they all share the same tactic: Should you ask a question they can't answer or make a point they can't refute, they start screaming at you or rudely talking over you, as if the volume of their voice can eradicate reality and reason. This leads not to debate, but confrontation, and that seems to be what they want.

Beyond that, exactly how do you 'debate' people who insist:

-- There are no racists in the Tea Party movement;

-- It's Obama and not George W. Bush who started the TARP bailouts of the banks and Wall Street;

-- The terrible economy is exclusively the fault of Obama and his liberal social programs;

-- All of Franklin D. Roosevelt's social programs were complete failures;

-- Social Security, Medicare, the VA and the GI Bill were/are not liberal social programs;

-- Obama has raised taxes for the poor and middle-class;

-- Obama is a Muslim/socialist/communist (take your pick) plotting the downfall of the US backed by George Soros' money (and Soros was a teenage Nazi, too, incidentally);

-- Rupert Murdoch is completely different from Soros, since he's a loyal, patriotic American (Murdoch is, of course, from Australia);

-- Obama was not born in this country and the 'liberal media' is hiding the truth;

-- Sarah Palin has been shunned by the 'lamestream' media, despite the millions she's made from doting MSM coverage of her;

-- God has personally chosen the Tea Party candidates and opposition candidates are all the pawns of Satan;

-- The only economic system God approves of is free market capitalism (you can look it up -- it's in the Bible somewhere);

-- Jesus endorsed the death penalty; it's obvious because he – duh – allowed himself to die on the cross;

-- Liberals, not big corporations, are sending American jobs overseas to Communist countries like China in a conspiracy to position China to take over the U.S.;

-- Liberals hate big corporations because they make people work for their money and liberals hate people who work for a living; they just want to reward blacks and Hispanics with 'our' money for sitting around on their fat asses all day watching TV and voting for Democrats;

-- Blacks and Hispanics are taking all of our good jobs, thanks to affirmative action;

-- Liberals are the true racists who want to keep minorities poor and in the ghetto and use organizations such as the defunct ACORN and the two idiots in the New Black Panthers to intimidate and threaten anyone who might disagree; white liberals want to turn blacks and Hispanics into slaves again;

-- Unemployment compensation is a 'Democrat plot' to reward minorities who are too lazy to look for a job;

-- There is no separation of church and state; you only have the right to believe in the monotheistic religion of your choice;

-- Except Islam, of course, where they worship Allah who is nothing like the God of Jesus or the Yahweh of Judaism;

-- Jesus hated homosexuals, despite the fact that he did not refer to them in the New Testament;

-- Our Founders, like Thomas Jefferson, did not support free public education – that's an idea straight from Stalin's Moscow;

-- Liberals are vicious fiends who enjoy killing babies through abortion;

-- Liberals want women to work outside the home so that their children will be raised by state-run Obamacare centers and will become his personal army in the future;

-- All liberals worship Karl Marx, Hitler, Stalin and Mao;

-- All liberals are atheists who hate religion and especially Christianity;

-- All liberals love Islam and support terrorists;

-- You have no Constitutional right to privacy, and it's all the fault of liberals and Democrats;

-- Only Fox News can be trusted for factual information;

-- Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh are a great men and teachers of the truth, and the proof of this is that liberals hate them.

Since they won't believe any proof that contradicts what they are saying, are deaf to reason, and blind to their own hypocrisies and inconsistencies, it is impossible to have a lucid, adult conversation with them. In short, they're crazy and they'll drive you crazy trying to communicate with them.

Thank God these nutcases are only a small, if voluble, minority.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Happy Thanksgiving 2010

Left click on image to enlarge.

The Tattlesnake -- Thanksgiving Prattle: Tortured Rhymes For Tortured Times Edition

Tortured Rhymes For Tortured Times

The horrible thing
That is spring
Gives way to summer –
Bummer!
And fall –
The word says it all –
And then the wonderful
Cold kick of winter
Which is like
Finding your stocking stuffed
With a burned-out cinder.
On Thanksgiving we
Give thanks to a
Thing unknown for
All we've been given –
Life, health, some wealth,
And a broadminded cynicism.
But when Bird Day arrives
We're still murky about
Who's the real turkey,
Readying for the season of
Cheery humbug bah,
Thee, he, she, them, it,
Or – ahem -- moi?

(End)

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Thank a Republican in Advance!

Left click on image to enlarge.

The Tattlesnake – Debunking Five Current Media Myths Edition

"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
-- George Bernard Shaw

1. The Republicans are going to end earmarks. Ha, ha! Both parties, but especially the GOP, thrive on earmarks – not only does it bring home the bacon, but it's a nice covert way to reward their corporate sponsors. The typically devious Republicans, with the help of some Blue Dog Dems in the Senate, are just going to change the name to something like 'help American families add-ons' or 'freedom appropriation inserts' and continue to happily earmark away.

2. The Republican Party is now strong. Another laugher. The GOP had to rebrand as the 'new Tea Party GOP' in 2010 and none of their candidates dared campaign with Junior Bush. In TV ads, many GOP candidates did not even mention they were Republicans. Rand Paul, the only true Teabagger in the Senate, is now making noises like a "go along to get along" guy, and various naïve Teabaggers in the House, like the anti-government-paid health care dimwit who demanded his government-paid health care ahead of schedule, have begun showing their strong streak of stupid, even before January's official swearing in. Most of us have noticed it's not the mid-90s anymore, with the booming economy of the Clinton years, except for Republicans like Rep. Darrell Issa. Tying the House up in endless attempts to impeach Obama is not going to endear the GOP to a crumbling nation dealing with what is really the second Great Depression. And some of the Teabaggers may be gravely offended to discover that the GOP has been lying to them. It's going to be a fractious two years in Congress that won't come out well for the GOP in 2012.

3. The Republicans have a plan to restore jobs. Related to the item above, and every bit as hilarious, the GOP has nothing except 'tax cuts' (spin and repeat, ad nauseum), and that isn't going to create any jobs except at corporate PR firms trying to peddle the fraud that tax cuts are working to create jobs, and that's not nearly enough to refloat the fast-sinking economy. As the fading middle-class notices its nails are ripping off trying to hang on to what they have left, brand 'Tea Party Republican' will become a political curse as loaded with negative connotations as 'Communist' or 'Cheney' is today.

4. The Republicans can balance the budget. The GOP hasn't been able to balance the federal budget since Reagan took office, and without Clinton-inspired tax hikes and a few turns by Big Bill, there wouldn't have been a surplus in 2000. Since the GOP doesn't want to end two over-priced wars from which their corporate supporters are getting wealthier, truly reform our wastefully expensive health care system, remove corporate tax loopholes, separate commercial and investment banks, and cut the defense budget drastically, that leaves social spending like Social Security and Medicare on the block. The unvarnished truth: Even if the GOP junked all federal social programs, which they won't be able to do, they still wouldn't be able to balance the budget. In fact, with their tax cuts for the wealthy of prime importance, along with preserving corporate tax loopholes, they'll be adding another trillion dollars to the debt. They'll remain the 'put it on the credit card and blame the Democrats' party they've been for 30 years.

5. The Democrats lost because they went too far left. Au contraire, mon frere, as George Carlin used to say. Think of it: In spite of the corporate millions that poured into the Senate race in Nevada, the GOP couldn't score what should have been an easy victory. In California, progressive and GOP target Barbara Boxer prevailed, and the Tea Party proved its basic worthlessness in the "I'm not a witch" fiasco that was Christine O'Donnell in Delaware. Only in those areas of the country dominated by Fox News and AM radio right-wing talkers, and not much counter-balancing local media, where the Teabaggers could work without serious scrutiny, did they score wins, mostly against Blue Dog Dems. The reason a lot of Dems stayed home in 2010 is that they were tired of voting for progressive Democrats and getting Republican Lite. Obama and the Dems should listen to the wisdom of Harry Truman, a Democrat who prevailed during a bad time for Dems in the late 1940s, "Given the choice between a Republican and a Democrat who acts like a Republican, people will vote for the real Republican every time."

Obama and the Dems might also heed this advice from Give 'Em Hell Harry: "Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything."

But let's not expect too much.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Sarah Palin's Alaska – The Uncut Version

Left click on image to enlarge.

Sarah Palin's Alaska -- The Edited Version

Left click on image to enlarge.

Stay tuned for the uncut version tomorrow.

Republican Science: Common Sense GOP Solutions for an Aging Population

Left click on image to enlarge.

Rupert Murdoch's New Fox Tea Party Network TV Schedule

What will the defeated Tea Party candidates and their helpers do for a job now? Go to work for Uncle Rupert, of course!

Left click on image to enlarge.

Voters Fooled Again By GOP in 2010

Left click on image to enlarge.

Alternative Titles for Bush's Book – Part Two

Left click on image to enlarge.

Alternative Titles for Bush's Book – Part One

Left click on image to enlarge.

The Coming GOP Civil War

Left click on image to enlarge.

The Teabaggers Go To Washington

Left click on image to enlarge.

Paladino's Weird Love

Left click on image to enlarge.

The Tattlesnake – Jon Stewart WTF?!? and Other Miscellaneous Head-Slappers Edition

-- What is Jon Stewart playing at? I'm a big fan of The Daily Show star and think he's done a great job in the past, so it pains me to write this, but WTF?!? Okay, so to make his point at the Rally to Restore Sanity he tossed Keith Olbermann and Ed Schultz under the same bus reserved for Glenn Beck and Fox News. Last Monday, Olbermann graciously took his point and even cancelled indefinitely one of my favorite Countdown segments, "Worst Persons in the World." But the other day on TDS, here's Stewart heaping honey on Chris Wallace of Fox News and agreeing to appear on Wallace's "Fox News Sunday." Yes, he took a few mild swipes at Fox's obvious Republican partisanship, but he also equated MSNBC, the home of Olbermann and Schulz, to a AA ball club compared to the Big Leaguers at Fox. He didn't mean that in a complimentary way, but Jon can't seriously believe there is any parity between what Fox does and what MSNBC does. (For one thing, Fox doesn't give a liberal Democrat a three-hour weekday morning program, as MSNBC has with conservative Republican Joe Scarborough.) Put simply: Fox lies, as Stewart well knows, and MSNBC's progressive hosts, even though they may display passion for their side, don't. You can't possibly have a restoration of sanity without fact, and Jon Stewart knows that, as well. So, why is Stewart trying to make them both seem equal? A few possibilities:

1. Since the hosts at MSNBC won't be invited on Fox – even Ed Schultz is banned now, I've heard – perhaps Stewart sees himself as the voice of reason who can parry the thrusts of the Noise Machine and inject some truth into Fox's stream-of-conspicuous nonsense. To do that, he must maintain some semblance of being 'reasonable,' which means to the right-wingers attacking MSNBC and progressives. Note: If this is the case, Obama has tried this tactic for the last two years and just had his head handed to him. It doesn't work.

2. Maybe Stewart just has some personal animosity toward Olbermann and Schultz and he's taking it out this way. That would be mighty petty of him, but nobody's perfect, particularly in an ego-driven arena like show business.

3. This is the ugly one: Comedy Central is owned by corporate media giant Viacom and it's possible they finally noticed TDS and Stewart have had quite an impact on recent elections and the voting trends of those under 30. Was Stewart brought in by Bush-backer and Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone for a pointed "Network" reminder of who signs his paychecks and told to back off? I have noticed Jon has been much more civil to right-wingers this year, even bottom of the barrel types like Bill O'Reilly. I'd hate to think the reason he's promoting this 'equivalency' is that he doesn't want to end up back humping the comedy club circuit doing 300 "Hey, I'll be at McLaughington's in Akron on Friday!" road gigs a year. He's now a middle-aged man with a home, wife, family and a pile of bills – powerful reasons to toe the corporate line.

4. And this is the really horrible one: Perhaps his head is being turned by the 'charm' of the right-wing corporatists; they can be very persuasive 'good guys' in person, unless you remember the whole fetid history of the Republican Party of the past 30 years. I recall when Dennis Miller had his HBO show years ago: first he brought on right-wingers to lightly mock them, as Stewart does; then he had them on to explain their positions while he nodded his head; then he became one of the Pod People himself. Miller should be a warning of what happens to those who turn their backs on sanity and the facts – they end up losing their core audience, and money, as they perform for a bunch of dimwit thumbsuckers who don't get their jokes.

5. Even more horrible than the last one: Stewart is angling for a nice, long-term berth at Fox hosting a TDS-style political satire show. It's no secret Roger Ailes has been looking to compete with TDS; what better way than to back up Murdoch's money truck and hire away Stewart? (Think Karl Rove: attack their strong point.) I'd hate to think this is Stewart's motivation, but it's a possibility.

Whatever the reason is, I wish Stewart would, in the interest of fairness, have Olbermann and Schultz as guests on his show to present their side, as he does with the Fox Newsers. (And Olbermann and Schultz should reciprocate by having Stewart on their shows to explain himself.) Let's clear the air.

I hope this is all a tiff among friends, rather than the creation of another Miller monstrosity or Ailes attack dog.

(H/T to Bartcop.com for the graphic.)

-- Uh, oh, it looks like Obama is in full capitulation mode on tax cuts for the rich. Instead, why doesn't he call the GOP's bluff on the issue of tax cuts by countering with this proposal: Reduce the top tax rate on individuals and corporations earning over $250K per year to 30 percent, with this caveat: All loopholes will be eliminated and the Estate Tax will return to 1980 levels. That means every corporation and wealthy individual will pay 30 cents of every dollar in taxes, no exceptions. In the tax rates below the top bracket, persons and businesses earning between $100K and $250K will pay 20 percent; those earning 70K to $100K will pay 10 percent, 20K to 70K will pay 5 percent, and those earning under 20K will pay no federal income tax at all. No loopholes, dodges, or tax havens for any of them, with the added benefit that the public will have an easier time of filing tax returns, while the IRS will be able to more cheaply enforce the tax laws and process returns, saving the taxpayers money. Will it happen? Probably not.

-- One final note: Why did nearly all of the high-profile national Tea Party candidates – Angle, O'Donnell, Buck, McMahon, and, as now seems likely, Joe Miller – lose while so many were elected to the House? Easy – media coverage. In those areas of the country where local news has been decimated by corporate cutbacks, radio is dominated by Rush Limbaugh and his imitators, and Fox News is on in every restaurant and bar, the Tea Partiers were not confronted on their more wacky beliefs, their resumes were not closely examined, and they were not subjected to tough interviews, while Obama and the Dems were excoriated with constant Glenn Beck intensity. Without the help of massive infusions of corporate cash, Fox News, and the widespread ownership of radio by right-wing corporations that aid the GOP, the results would have been much different Tuesday. Although Thom Hartmann may disagree, this is why we need the Fairness Doctrine reinstated.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Fox Insider Comics

Left click on image to enlarge.

The Tattlesnake – Sifting Through the Post-Election Ashes Edition

First off, in my previous 'Toast and Coast' pieces, I accurately predicted that Republican Teabaggers Linda McMahon, Carl Paladino, and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Palins, Sharron Angle and Christine O'Donnell, were all toast, along with the Billionaire Girls Club of Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina. G.I. Joe Miller in Alaska and Ken Buck in Colorado are still undecided at this hour. That leaves two where the Tattler's crystal ball was cloudy – Rand "There's Something About an Aqua Buddha Man" Paul in Kentucky and Mark "Captain Blight" Kirk in Illinois – but 6 out of 8 ain't bad. Ron Paul's offshoot was the biggest surprise, but probably should not have been in a Red State that elected a turtle wax replicant like the sour-lipped Mitch McConnell to the Senate.

As I watched the televised bulletins from the Planet Xenon otherwise known as the Mainstream Media carve up and autopsy What This Election Means today, of course the MSM managed to bungle and bypass any realistic diagnosis as they became trapped in the humbug of their own quackery and delusion. A blur of the Pundit Class' finest recruits for Perdition hilariously kept sawing on some iteration of this soggy paper-maché log: "This election will show Obama he has to cooperate with the Republicans to get things done!" Really? What has he been doing so far?

The official DeeCee Democratic Party, naturally, will take the wrong lesson from this drubbing – "We need to be more conservative!" rather than, "We have to stand for our progressive principles and stop backing down!" So, have no worries, Teabaggers, the GOP, even though a majority only in the House, will get everything it wants out of the Senate, from budget-busting tax cuts for the wealthy and further corporate deregulation to, perhaps, some curtailing of unemployment benefits and elimination of the minimum wage, hastening our final plunge off the economic cliff.

And you won't hear John Boehner solemnly announcing, "Impeachment is off the table!" To the contrary, the Republicans will be conducting proctological investigations of every person who ever spoke to Obama in an effort to find some scrap of sleaze with which to remove him from office, aided and abetted by Fox News and the other media gangsters on the right. (Orly Taitz, get ready for your Congressional appearance!) While the GOP likely won't be successful at actually impeaching Obama, they will so muddy his name and reputation that they'll get their wish – he'll be a one-term footnote in history, 'first African-American president,' with no other accomplishments listed.

In the Tattler's occasional Unscientific Barroom Polls, I ask tipplers of various ages and colors to state, in a few short words, what they think conservative Republicans believe in: "Tax cuts," "Small government," and "Strong defense," were the most frequent answers. I then ask the same question regarding the Democrats. Most people stared at me agape, unable to think of a thing, although one respondent said "Weakness" and another uttered "Big government." During the time of FDR, most Americans presented with the same query about Democrats would have said, "Saving the economy," "Fighting for the little guy," "Creating jobs." Will the Dems learn that lesson? You have to stand for something.

In two years America will be sick of the Republicans, or what's left of America anyway, and ready to toss the conservatives out in favor of Democrats who think they should be more conservative, and the dance will continue until the global economic collapse that is certain unless a miracle happens and Obama starts taking tips from FDR instead of Lincoln.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Vote for Your 2010 Republican Tea Party Candidates!

Left click on image to enlarge.