My Name is Oil and Other Irritants Edition

Skimming the Septic Tank of the News

-- It's about time for these naive simps in the MSM and on the starboard side of Blogospheria (the public restroom of the Information Superhighway), to stop 'opining' that the Iraq War is about anything but controlling the price of oil. Big Oil is raking it in, and so stuffed with profit they don't know what to do with all the cash; Bush's pals in the royal family of Saudi Arabia are likewise glutted, which means the Bush family, with extensive investments in petroleum, are also swimming in oil profits. The war in Iraq, like most wars, is about well-heeled heels making a buck from the sacrifice of the patriotic peasantry; to pretend otherwise is irritating and false. Bush doesn't want a free and open democracy in Iraq, nor anywhere else; he wants a government that will control oil production to his liking. To pretend otherwise is just an insult to intelligence, common sense, and the dictates of evidence.

-- According to MSNBC, God has spoken to Pat Robertson again, this time to predict the weather. Pat says the Almighty Creator of the Universe, apparently with nothing better to do, informed the 700 Clubber that this weather season is going to be worse than last, with hurricanes of greater intensity, and a possible tsunami hitting somewhere on American shores, because this is just the kind of thing Robbo's Loving Christian God serves up to people who don't do Crazy Pat's bidding. (Watch CBN headquarters get flooded by a torrential rain; can't wait to hear the excuses.) This is funny since agnostic scientists who believe in E-vo-lution have been predicting the same thing, not from chat sessions with the Lawd, but from calculating the effects of global warming and weather patterns. It's a shame that Pat is so far gone he never considers that that voice in his head isn't God but someone a little warmer, hornier, and closer to his heart; the same 'deity' that assured him Bush would win by a landslide in 2004 when he barely eked out a 51-49 percent victory.

SATAN: "Pat, this is God."

PAT: "Yes, I recognize your voice, Lord. You sound just like James Mason in 'Lolita.'"

SATAN: "Good, Pat. Listen, this year the weather's going to be mighty nasty; lots of hurricanes, tornadoes, maybe even a tsunami. Go scare your viewers with the news."

PAT: "Oh, I will, Lord. Say, what's that I hear in the background? Is that a fire crackling?"

SATAN: "Just roasting a few sinners for din...uh, just having a little wienie roast here in heaven. Dick Nixon's our featured guest tonight."

PAT: "Oooooh, Nixon, our second greatest president after Dubya. Say, is that giggling I hear, Lord?"

SATAN: "Mind your own beeswax, Pat. Listen, I have to sign off now; I have to make sure the Iranians get some nukes so Bush can have his war."

PAT: "Thank you, Lord. Say hello to Jesus for me."

SATAN: "Fat chanc...er, sure, Pat, you bet! Ta, ta."

-- Why doesn't our intrepid Washington media (stop smirking) ever ask the Bush White House to explain how much the Bush family and every member of his cabinet, all of whom crack the millionaire mark, have gained from Bush's munificent tax cuts for the wealthy, and why it's ethical for them to enrich themselves by handing themselves tax breaks? For that matter, most of our lawmakers on Capitol Hill are rich; why aren't they questioned on this point as well? When the Clinton's gained financially through Hillary's trading, they were derided mercilessly; if Bill had passed tax laws that benefited his family, the neocon media would still be frothing about it. Yet, the Bush regime skates free. Oh, I forgot: It's the US media -- here, boy, fetch, fetch, come get your biscuit ...

-- Speaking of the Bush Boy, his immigration speech received bad reviews from a broad spectrum of the political punditry, as lefties, righties and fence-squatters panned El Presidente's pandering. The righties had their BVD's knotted over Bush's 'amnesty' program; the left over his duncely and pricey border lock-down and immigrant crackdown plans; while the middle of the roaders were exercised over the fact that the whole thing just wouldn't work. What a waste of airtime. The pertinent questions even a few of the more astute of our Fourth Estate dead asses got around to asking were: Since we're deeply in debt (thank you, Republicans), exactly where do the billions come from to implement Bush's immigration schemes? With the Army stretched so thin they're sending PTSD soldiers back to fight in Iraq, exactly from whereat do the 6,000 National Guardsmen materialize to guard the border, and, without the power of arrest or seizure, exactly what good will they do? (And, considering the stunning level of ineptitude of BushCo, even if they find the troops by combing mental hospitals and drug rehab clinics, they'll no doubt be outfitted with parkas and skis by Homeland Security, along with Swedish to English dictionaries.) So, Bush's prime time boom was a bust, and his ratings continue to slide, except in those internal RNC polls Karl Rove is fond of citing which claim that over 60 percent just "like this president" personally. Which leads to this question: Did they confine their polling to the Republican National Committee headquarters, or did they ask staffers at the White House as well?