Tooting Around the Horn Edition

Alberto's Abridged Too Far and Other Neoconniving Numbskullery

-- Let's review: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who is known in some circles as 'Torture Boy' due to his memo wherein he provided BushCo with wrongheaded legal justification to torture prisoners and called the Constitution a 'quaint' document, thinks it's okay to search the offices of a Congress-creature because Congress shouldn't be 'above the law.' Hmmmm, isn't this the same AG Gonzales who claimed the president didn't have to follow the Constitution or international treaties because, during 'wartime' (for a war that hasn't been legally declared by Congress), the president is, according to his unique interpretation, 'above the law'? Alberto has also threatened to toss reporters in jail who embarrass the White House, such as disclosing the recent warrantless NSA domestic spying campaign that the Bushites insisted didn't exist. So, once again, we are treated to Gonzales' bizarre reading of a document he took an oath to uphold, but thinks is quaint and largely irrelevant. The First Amendment clearly states the freedom of the press shall not be abridged, the Founders acknowledging that only a press free of fear of government reprisal would be able to properly hold it to account. Now, Torture Boy wants to make our nearly supine MSM even more fearfully comatose by prosecuting reporters who reveal information of illegal government activity; he apparently believes a few words should be added to the First Amendment: The freedom of the press shall not be abridged, unless they go too far. If the Dems take control of Congress next year and want to impeach somebody, they should start with this fork-tongued lizard.

-- The various mainstream pundits are now serving up the dreaded Conventional Wisdom roadkill that the Dems can't win in November unless they all march in lockstep with exactly the same 'message' and have one leader -- be it Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Harry Reid or whoever -- with a sack of Cliff Notes talking points for all those unwashed masses out in Fly-Over Country for whom our media has such quiet contempt. You know, the same people who hold the goose-march GOP and their always-on-message leader in such high regard these days. When a David Gergen or Tim Russert or other solon of the airwaves asks themselves what the Dems stand for, they just can't think of a thing. (Thanks for regurgitating the RNC's talking points, boys; ah, the vast liberal media conspiracy at work.) Maybe they should listen to what is promoted as 'the news' on the networks who pay them handsomely for their bubbleheaded opinions; they might learn that the Dems have actually advanced a few plans, when they take a break from bashing the poor, defenseless Republicans. Sure, every Dem doesn't agree completely with each point or program -- welcome to democracy, something we could use some more of these days. The Corporate Shill Patrol seems to value moronic messages and repeated sound bites over the messiness and debate of our form of government, which is exactly how we ended up in the ugly spot where the Republicans have taken us, on issues ranging from Iraq to health care. Karl Rove's GOP is great on lockstep sound bites and bumper-sticker themes, what they can't do is govern competently like mature adults; that takes judgment, consideration, comprehension, nuance, finesse and diplomacy, all in short supply in the Bush White House. Tattlesnake would suggest the various networks dock their political prognosticators a thousand bucks for every prediction they make that turns out to be wrong, but we have enough people begging in the streets as it is -- although the notion of Tim Russert meeting the press with his hand out for spare change has a certain appeal.

-- Speaking of the MSM political pundirazzi, Howard Fineman is the latest in a string of media miscreants who keep touting Bush's wonderful economy, as in this line from one of his recent articles: "The claim is that doing so will sustain overall economic growth (which has been pretty impressive, even though Bush gets no credit for it.)" Tattlesnake can't even count on all his appendages how many times he's heard this CW scat repeated by the mainline media in the past month. Maybe within Fineman's tennis-whites D.C. cocktail party circuit, tax breaks, stock dividends and getting rich from betting against the dollar are causing a bulge in their chinos (or are they just glad to see Bush?), but out in the cheese-fries hinterlands where they film the jiggling, from-the-neck-down clips that accompany their various narrow-eyed denunciations of expanding American obesity (followed by the obligatory Burger King ad, of course), things just aren't all that great. Mr. and Mrs. Living-Two-Paychecks-To-Paycheck aren't impressed with the roaring economy as they raid the couch cushions to fill the tank of the family ride; decent-paying blue-collar manufacturing jobs are vanishing, along with the white-collar middle-managers that go with them; recent grads trying to find employment with a salary large enough to repay their college loans and still afford an apartment are finding both few and far between (more and more are moving back in with the 'Grups' and taking a low-income McJob); credit card debt is jacked up to record highs for most Americans, just to keep the sinking head slightly above water; disillusioned, hollow-eyed men and women, who have had the rug pulled out from underneath them thanks to the magic of outsourcing or downsizing, force themselves to smile their way through interviews for jobs that pay half of what they were making before; other workers are watching their hard-earned benefits and pensions fall by the wayside; and prices continue to rise as the devalued dollar rapidly inflates. If this is an 'impressive economy' please, let's have one more Eisenhower stodgy.

-- Good for ABC News for not backing down on its reporting regarding the FBI investigation of Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert for fraud and corruption. This is a story some steady Tattlesnake readers (all five of them) may recall 'moi' mentioning many months ago. Hastert, the hefty oleaginous bag of wind who was picked to be Speaker in the late 90s solely because he was the only senior Republican the GOP could find during the Clinton sex persecutions who didn't have some lascivious hanky-panky he was hiding (seriously) and because he would dumbly follow orders, has vehemently denied the charges that's he's under investigation, as GOP chieftains commonly do these days, usually about a month before the indictments are delivered. Major Rumor is Denny has some 'splainin' to do about misuse of campaign funds in home-state Illinois and possible connection to a heavy-money fraudulent real estate deal there. Couldn't come at a better time for the GOP, from the Tattlesnake's point of view. DeLay, Ney, Frist, and, possibly, Denny the Hutt -- who will the RNC have left to run as incumbents when the flurry of indictments and resignations come down between now and next November?

-- Speaking of Sen. Dr. 'Dollar Bill' Frist, word on the street is that he may be ducking subpoena servers before Labor Day as new revelations concerning his profitable 'blind trust' investments and other corruption come to light. Folks, you once again heard it here first, er... 'Frist': Look for an unexpected link-up between Jack Abramoff, Mike Scanlon, Dusty Foggo, Frist, Sen. 'St. Rick' Santorum and other upper-level House and Senate Republicans. The warblers are out in Washington this spring, and what tales they're singing. Santorum may want to quit before he's embarrassed by the election results next November, and the words 'President Frist' will only serve as the punchline of a bad joke after 2008.

-- Sure, the Tattlesnake is all for making English the standard language of the U.S., just as soon as the 'misunderestimated' George W. Bush starts speaking and writing as well as the average Yale graduate. And he must take the test on live nationwide TV without a Teleprompter, too.

-- Finally, isn't it about time somebody wrote a book called "100 Ways Bernard Goldberg is Ruining America"?