Twisted Songs of the Season, Republican Edition

Bush Junior: "All I Want For Christmas is My Three Front War"

Dick Cheney: "(It's Lovely Weather for a) Slay Ride"

Ann Coulter: "Goy to the World"

Rudy Giuliani: "Rudolph the Long-Nosed Reign-Deer"

Sean Hannity: "The Little War-Drummer Boy"

Mike Huckabee: "(I'm Dreaming of) White Christians"

Duncan Hunter: "Nasty the Low Man"

Joe Lieberman: "Missile Joe and Folly"

Rush Limbaugh: "Ding Dong! Merrily I'm High"

John McCain: "I'll Be Home Next Christmas"

Michael Mukasey: "My Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire..."

Rupert Murdoch: "Deck the Halls (with Bags of Money)"

Bill O'Reilly: "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Mitt Romney: "Have Yourself a Mormon Little Christian"

Fred Thompson: "(Walking in a) Winter Blunderland"

Congressional Republicans: "A King Is Born on High"

Closeted Gay Christopublicans: "O Come All Ye Faithful"

Neocon Talk Shows: "Unsilent Right"

Wall Street Investors: "Jingo Bears"

Christmas in America, 2007

"What were you thinking letting those two stay in our barn?"

"The woman's pregnant -- she's going to have the baby any time now. What's the harm?"

"Why doesn't she go to a hospital then?"

"She can't -- the governor signed a law preventing people from other lands from using our hospitals."

"Well, I still think you made a mistake. Why don't they stay at a hotel or something?"

"They're poor -- they don't have a dime. Don't worry, they won't cause any trouble in the barn."

"That old man seems pretty shifty to me -- what if he barges in here and cuts our throats while we're sleeping?"

"I talked to him, he seems like a nice man. I doubt that's going to happen."

"That's another thing -- what is that old man doing married to that young girl?"

"That's the custom where they're from."

"Weird customs and they're flat broke. Great. Why didn't they stay home to have this baby; why are they on the road? Did it ever occur to you they're wanted by the law?"

"Would you calm down? They're just going to stay here a few days and move on. They don't seem like the criminal type."

"Oh, yeah, well, what are they going to eat while they're here?"

"We have more than we need; it won't hurt us to help them out with a little food."

"Are you going to start letting every bum you meet stay in our barn and eat our food?"

(Just then, the sound of a baby crying is heard.)

"Looks like she had the kid. I'm going to go out and get a good look at these foreigners."

"Be nice."

(Ten minutes later.)

"Do you know what she named the kid? 'Hey-Zeus.' What -- are they greeting some pagan god? What kind of weird name is that?"

"It's a common name in their land."

"And they've got three more of their bum friends out there, hanging around looking suspicious. They're dressed up pretty strange and they don't seem right to me. This might be their gang who're here to slit our throats and take our money. You'd better do something."

"I'll take a look."

(Several minutes later.)

"It's fine; just some visitors from the east here to pay their respects. They aren't going to stay long."

"Sure -- why not just bring in everyone they know and have a party!"

"Just relax -- look, the three men are leaving. Everything's fine, let's go to bed."

"I'm going to sleep with one eye open and a knife under my pillow."

"Believe me, that's not necessary."

"What if these people like it here? What if they decide to stay and live here, taking our jobs and sending their kids to our schools? Do you want to pay for all that? Our taxes are high enough as it is!"

"So, they'll work and earn their way and pay their taxes, just like we did when we started out."

"You're really stupid. You don't understand these foreigners, they aren't like us -- all they want to do is sit around and get high and have kids and live on welfare."

"That's what they said about your grandfather when he moved here."

"That was different; he was a religious man with faith and a hard worker."

"I have a feeling these folks are, too."

"If they were, they would have thought about how they were going to support this kid before they had it."

"Not everyone is as fortunate as you."

"That's too bad for them.""Merry Christmas to you, too."

"Are you being sarcastic again?"

"Are you?"

[End]