Showing posts with label Adultery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adultery. Show all posts
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Friday, December 11, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
The Tattlesnake – The Tiger Woods Rumor Theater Edition
"The Tiger's Fuzzy Tale"
A short one-act play featuring Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Woods.
ELIN WOODS: "So you're telling me you haven't talked to that woman in six months!"
TIGER WOODS: "Absolutely, babe, I broke it off completely."
EW: "You filthy liar! I checked your cell phone and there are three calls to her just today!"
TW: "Ulp!" [Audible gulp] "Look, I'm getting out of here until you're more rational. I can't talk to you when you're crazy like this."
[Tiger exits room with EW in pursuit. As she leaves, EW grabs a golf club from a bag by the door.]
EW: [Enraged] "Don't you walk out on me, you lousy bastard!"
TW: "What are you doing with that club?! [EW swings and hits TW's arm with the club.] "OWWWW! What the hell are you doing?!"
EW: "You're not running out on me, you little creep!"
TW: [Getting into his black Escalade and starting it up] "I'm not running out on you – I'm just going out for a drive until you calm down. Oh, Jesus, my arm is numb – how do you expect me to play golf with a numb arm?!"
[TW quickly drives off. As a parting shot, EW hits the back window of the Escalade with the golf club, shattering the window.]
TW: [Yelling out the driver's side window] "You crazy bitch! Take a chill pill!"
[Moments later there is the sound of a car crashing at the end of the drive. EW runs to where the Escalade has hit a tree.]
EW: "Ha, ha – serves you right you steaming pile of crap!" [Mood changes to concern] "Wait, are you hurt, Tiger?"
TW: "My arm isn't right where you HIT IT with the GODDAMN GOLF CLUB, but I'm okay otherwise, just a couple of scratches. Shit, just look at my friggin' car!"
EW: "You'd better go to the hospital. I'll call 911."
TW: "Wait, wait! Don't call yet. You realize if it comes out what we were fighting about you can kiss $20 million in endorsement deals good-bye. We need a good story to tell the cops first."
EW: [Skeptical] "Yeah, sure, what kind of story could cover your arm and the shattered back window? I want to hear this."
TW: "I've got it – I had the car accident, hurt my arm, passed out cold, and you smashed the back window to courageously save me!"
EW: "Why would I smash in the back window to save you? Wouldn't I smash a side window? Besides, there's nothing wrong with the driver's side door – wouldn't I just open that and get you out?"
TW: "Hey, I'm Tiger Woods -- people love my ass. Nobody's going to ask questions like that! You just stick to the story and we've got it made!"
EW: "Okay, I'm calling 911."
[The End?]
© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
A short one-act play featuring Tiger Woods and his wife Elin Woods.
ELIN WOODS: "So you're telling me you haven't talked to that woman in six months!"
TIGER WOODS: "Absolutely, babe, I broke it off completely."
EW: "You filthy liar! I checked your cell phone and there are three calls to her just today!"
TW: "Ulp!" [Audible gulp] "Look, I'm getting out of here until you're more rational. I can't talk to you when you're crazy like this."
[Tiger exits room with EW in pursuit. As she leaves, EW grabs a golf club from a bag by the door.]
EW: [Enraged] "Don't you walk out on me, you lousy bastard!"
TW: "What are you doing with that club?! [EW swings and hits TW's arm with the club.] "OWWWW! What the hell are you doing?!"
EW: "You're not running out on me, you little creep!"
TW: [Getting into his black Escalade and starting it up] "I'm not running out on you – I'm just going out for a drive until you calm down. Oh, Jesus, my arm is numb – how do you expect me to play golf with a numb arm?!"
[TW quickly drives off. As a parting shot, EW hits the back window of the Escalade with the golf club, shattering the window.]
TW: [Yelling out the driver's side window] "You crazy bitch! Take a chill pill!"
[Moments later there is the sound of a car crashing at the end of the drive. EW runs to where the Escalade has hit a tree.]
EW: "Ha, ha – serves you right you steaming pile of crap!" [Mood changes to concern] "Wait, are you hurt, Tiger?"
TW: "My arm isn't right where you HIT IT with the GODDAMN GOLF CLUB, but I'm okay otherwise, just a couple of scratches. Shit, just look at my friggin' car!"
EW: "You'd better go to the hospital. I'll call 911."
TW: "Wait, wait! Don't call yet. You realize if it comes out what we were fighting about you can kiss $20 million in endorsement deals good-bye. We need a good story to tell the cops first."
EW: [Skeptical] "Yeah, sure, what kind of story could cover your arm and the shattered back window? I want to hear this."
TW: "I've got it – I had the car accident, hurt my arm, passed out cold, and you smashed the back window to courageously save me!"
EW: "Why would I smash in the back window to save you? Wouldn't I smash a side window? Besides, there's nothing wrong with the driver's side door – wouldn't I just open that and get you out?"
TW: "Hey, I'm Tiger Woods -- people love my ass. Nobody's going to ask questions like that! You just stick to the story and we've got it made!"
EW: "Okay, I'm calling 911."
[The End?]
© 2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
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