In the Breaking of the News Wind Edition

Rant-O-Rama On the Half-Shell

-- MSNBC reported on Jan. 6th that former Republican bribe-magnet Rep. Randy 'Duke' Cunningham, prior to his tearful TV soap opera moment when he publicly admitted his corruption last month, had taken to wearing a wire for the Feds to reduce his time in the hoosegow.

At this point, who Randy talked with while miked-up is a mystery, but it's a safe bet it wasn't small fry. And it's not too far a stretch to think that The Dukester's probably not the only one wired for sound these days in Washington, and plenty of right-wingers are doubtless chewing their fingernails to the quick in sheer terror. Just imagine Abramoff, Scanlon and a half-dozen other prosecution witnesses bolstering their testimony with live recordings: It's the Nixon tapes redux -- just feature listening to DeLay, Frist and the rest of the sordid Republican gang plotting their next bag drop or screw job of the American people in their own amplified words. If some of these Republican grafters survive leaving office without tar and feathering, it'll be a miracle.

The rats are jumping the GOP ship, but they're pausing to collect taped evidence before they go. Should make a great party CD if it's ever released to the public.

-- Tattlesnake idly wonders why Maury Povich and wife Connie Chung are returning to infect the airwaves -- or the cable wires, anyway -- with this goofy new "Weekends with Maury and Connie" cat spit on MSNBC.

What's more, to hype the show, they're running those aggressively unfunny and pathetically hokey fake campaign ads where they deride each other as contemptible liars, idiots and frauds. Word up, fools: We already know this -- that's why we can't stand to watch either one of you.

MSNBC programming execs seem dedicated to airing the most insipid, weightless gruel on basic cable, when they aren't kissing the iron boot of the neocons. With the exception of the intelligent and hilarious Keith Olbermann, MSNBC's weekly prime-time schedule is a soggy slog of breathy closet transsexual Rita Cosby and her silly "Tom, how did it feel when you first met Katie" interviews; fervent Runaway Bride addict Dan Abrams and his shameless ambulance chasing; Chris the Clinically-Insane and his hairless Hardballs; and the Fox News regurgitations of sour chef Joe Scarborough's fare.

Even the short-lived and flawed "Coast-to-Coast with Ron Reagan and Monica Crowley" was more innovative and promising than this shabby line- up.

Of course, this is the network that gave Mien Fuhrer Michael Savage his own weekend show, so egregious fawners Maury and Connie are a step up -- but just barely.

What's next, a computer-animated half hour of bile with the late Sen. Joe McCarthy? Or sexual advice with Jimmy Swaggart? Tom DeLay will soon have nothing to do; he'd be perfect for a Dr. Laura-style call-in show on modern ethics.

Note to MSNBC: Fox News, the National Enquirer and People Weekly already own the crowd you're after, and they're not going to be coming to you as an adjunct or alternative; as hard as it might hurt your corporate brain, why not try to come up with something new and stop chasing them for an audience? Olbermann has shown the way -- follow it.

-- Some screwy ultra-right 'mystics' in Israel are taking gleeful credit for PM Ariel Sharon's current disability. Seems this group of 'holy men' put a 'death curse' on Sharon six months ago for giving up the Gaza Strip and are now celebrating his stroke and coma as proof from the Almighty that their curse worked. Wouldn't it have been easier for Jehovah to simply have him lose the election? Reveling over another's near-death misfortune -- this is what religious zealotry does to you; their cruel God must be proud of them.

-- The 'new' Republican revolution is underway. CNN said yesterday that that a group of House GOPers are scurrying around collecting the fifty signatures needed to permanently dump DeLay from his Majority Leader post. Tattlesnake's prediction: They'll get more than they need as DeLay is about as popular now on Capitol Hill as a Tootsie Roll floating in the punchbowl.

-- Finally, let's not forget who we have to thank for the downfall of Abramoff and all that has followed: None other than Sen. John McCain and his Indian Affairs Committee. McCain's persistence in hearing testimony and patiently dredging up the evidence of 'Casino Jack's' bribery and malfeasance led to the lobbyist flipping to the Fed side and testifying against his former colleagues-in-crime.

When the indictment dust settles, the crafty McCain will emerge as the dominant power in the refurbished GOP, purged of much of the taint of Bush/Cheney/DeLay/Abramoff corrupt Republicanism.

This is not to say McCain's skirts are clean -- that political creature doesn't exist in Washington -- but John's money corruption is low-yield and manageable, and he actually seems to care about preserving the Constitution and the plight of average Americans in general.

It'll be nice to have a Republican with that as a priority for a change.
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We Got Your Quotes Right Here

"He's a human killing machine. Taught to stalk. Trained to kill. Programmed to destroy. He's played by their rules... Until now. They think they control him. Think again."
-- Tagline of the two action movies produced by Jack Abramoff, "Red Scorpion" (1989) and "Red Scorpion II" (1994) starring Dolph Lundgren. Quoted by Tom Englehardt in "The Political Folly Awards of 2005," TomDispatch, Jan. 2, 2006