The GOP Cat With No Change

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Would a Romney Extramarital Fling End His Presidential Hopes?

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The Drill, Baby, Drill Swill Team

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The Tattlesnake -- Glenn Beck's Greased Rail Edition

News Item: Glenn Beck Has Lost 1/3 of His TV Audience Since January

A Shame He'll Miss Out on the Tar and Feathers

Unlike his semi-serious colleagues O'Reilly and Hannity, Beck was always just a babbling flash in the pan; a sideshow freak-out of raving, nearly incoherent right-wing outrage and contradictory conspiracy theories. He had to keep topping himself in craziness or risk boring his audience with deadly repetition. He's now run out of ideas and gone with the latter, and his viewers are turning him off, so his only hope for a final ratings coup is to go out like a flaming comet with a total on-air screeching psychotic meltdown and then R&R at some luxurious mental rehab facility. But don't fret for Beck – he's made many more millions from his strange circus act than most legitimate clowns.

With his ratings dropping, nearly all of his A-line advertisers gone, and his goofy Prof. Irwin Corey and Howard Beal Meet Joe McCarthy routine growing stale, isn't it high time for Uncle Rupert to show Glenn Beck the door?

"Let's put Beck's ratings into context. Yes, in the world of cable news, his numbers are impressive, and virtually any host would be happy to have them. But look how far Glenn Beck has fallen recently. In late January and into February, the program was averaging 3 million viewers each week. And late last year, the show spent month after month flirting with that figure. Today, the viewership is trending around 2 million (Last week it was exactly 2.01 million viewers.) -- which means that in a span of just three months, Glenn Beck has lost nearly one-third of its television audience."
[…]
"Corporate America (aka the beloved free marketplace) wants nothing to do with Beck. … Today, there are less than a handful of nationally recognized advertisers who appear willing to purchase air time on Glenn Beck. Think about the deep, deep discounts Fox News likely has to offer the remaining advertisers in order to get them to come aboard. (And the show is supposed to be a hit.) Now add to that equation the fact that Glenn Beck has lost 1/3 of its audience since January, and you can see where this is heading for Fox News.
"How soft are Beck's current ratings? He's now posting the type of numbers that his show used to get when he was on vacation and somebody less famous stood in for him, like when he took a few days off in late March and his show averaged 1.9 million viewers. Beck's been back from his March vacation for weeks now, but his ratings are roughly the same as when he wasn't even there."
-- Eric Boehlert, "Glenn Beck Has Lost 1/3 of Its TV Audience Since January," Media Matters, April 20, 2010.

Prediction: Beck will be off of Fox News before 2011.

Gov. Jan Brewer: Putting the AZ in Crazy

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Arizona Border Barter Doctor

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Heavily-Regulated Las Vegas Turns a Profit from Gambling; Why Can't Wall Street?

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Arizona Immigration Law – October 2010

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Gov. Jan Brewer's New AZ Fashion Police

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How the Republican Superboy Spent Earth Day

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Nevada's Sue Lowden: Another Palin?

Dem Sen. Harry Reid's no prize package, but can you believe he's losing to this babbling dimwit?

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See the video here.

Las Vegas Sun article here.

The Tattlesnake – Ask the Tattlesnake Edition

Dear Tattlesnake:

What is wrong with the GOP? Do you know?

Signed,
Worried in VT

Dear Worried:

The International Journal of Psychology claims that 20 to 25 percent of the population in any modern industrialized nation has some degree of serious brain damage or crippling psychosis. In America, we call those people 'Republicans.'

Hey You Turkey Boy:

The Rethuglicans are thieves and liars and the Democants are wimpy and can't get anything done and third parties are a total joke. So who do I vote for?

Signed,
Who Gives a Hairy Crap in WI

Dear Who Cares:

Anyone who opens an email to a stranger with 'Hey You Turkey Boy' and signs themselves as 'Who Gives a Hairy Crap' isn't someone who should be voting. Put your mind at ease, what's left of it, and stay home on Election Day.

Dear Mr. Tattlesnake:

With this new Supreme Court ruling that gives Constitutional rights to corporations, I incorporated myself. Now if I commit a crime, can't I just dissolve the corporation before they put me in jail?

Signed,
Del Inc. in Delavan

Dear Del Inc.:

Good idea, why don't you try that. I've always wondered who goes to jail when a corporation commits a crime – you could be a test case.

Dear Tattlesnake:

What's the best way to put teabags on my hat, glue or what? I want them there permanent-like, mind you.

Signed,
The Newtster

Dear Newtster:

A real teabagger doesn't affix teabags to his hat; he staples them directly to his head. Don't worry, if you're a real teabagger, you won't feel any pain.

Send your questions to editor@ltsaloon.org with 'Ask the Tattlesnake' in the subject line.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Sarah Palin's Real Alaska

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Sarah Palin in 'Curse of the Snake Woman'

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Palin and the Pope Circling the Drain

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The Tattlesnake – Word on the Street Edition

In the spirit of the late Mike Royko's Slats Grobnik, here are comments from the unFoxed Vox Populi:

-- L.A. Mike, who was born and lived in Los Angeles for most of his life, on the Republicans paying $2K for simulated lesbian bondage at the Voyeur Club:

"What wrong with those dudes? It's really stupid. For half that price in L.A. you could rent a motel room, hire a couple of hookers, see the same show up close and join in if you felt like it. You'd even have enough left for a bottle of some primo liquor. That's really a stupid waste of money."

-- V.J., a small business owner for over 20 years, on Obama's tax plan:

"I'm a middle-class small business owner and everybody was telling me, 'watch out, Obama's gonna raise your taxes!' I just got my tax forms back from my accountant and I'm paying $800 less this year than last, and he specifically said it was thanks to two deductions Obama put through. If this is Obama's big tax increase for the middle-class, keep it coming!"

-- Anna, who worked in state government for 20 years, on Sarah Palin:

"I don't get it – how do you quit as governor and then pass yourself off as a winner? How do you tell other families to practice abstinence when your own kid gets pregnant when she's underage? Why does anybody take her seriously?"

-- Al, who worked at a mail order firm, on the ruthless corporate culture:

"Worked at the same job for 12 years. We heard the rumor that company was being sold, but my boss, the owner of the company, looked me straight in the eye and told me he'd never sell and I'd always have a job there. Six months later we're all fired and the owner makes off with a fortune from selling the company. I asked one of the ladies in accounting what happened – the S.O.B. was in the process of selling the company the very day he told me that B.S. that he'd never sell! The lady said he lied because he didn't want people quitting to take other jobs before the new owner took over – wanted to squeeze every dime out of the place, even if it left us flat. He lied to my face and I thought this man was my friend!"

-- Vernon, who managed an office for 10 years, talks about Michael Steele's RNC spending:

"I'll tell you this: If I had been charging anything from Tiffany's or the liquor store to 'office supplies,' and I had approved an expenditure of a couple grand to a strip club, there would have been about two minutes before I was fired and out on the street. I don't know how he gets away with it."

-- Lily, a waitress at an upscale restaurant, on GOP tax cuts:

"Why doesn't the media ever call these guys out? They get up there, these Republicans, always talking about tax cuts and they're rich as fuck! Sure, they want tax cuts – for themselves! Yeah, I got my little piddley-ass tax cut from Bush, and the price of everything went up, including my state taxes, so I went way further in the hole. They really treat us like we're too dumb to know what they're doing. Fuckers!"

-- Rory, who once worked at a mental health facility, on the Teabaggers:

"These people must all have Alzheimer's like Reagan. They don't remember we had big deficits and big government under Republicans since Reagan? They don't remember Reagan bailed out the savings and loans in the 1980s? I didn't see them out there screaming and yelling then. They think the shitty economy started under Obama? Give me a break. They just hate him cause he's black. These tea party people should go to their doctors and be tested for Alzheimer's – they've definitely lost it. I mean if they can afford a head doctor on their fixed incomes -- oh, wait a sec, Medicare will pay for that so they're covered!"

The Catholic Church's Divine Right?

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The America of Profits Over People Equals Death

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Would Palin Really Like to Compare Her Experience on Nukes with Obama's?

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"Now, the president, with all the vast nuclear experience that he acquired as a community organizer and as a part-time senator, and as a full-time candidate, all that experience, still no accomplishment to date with North Korea and Iran."
-- Sarah Palin at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference, April 9, 2010, as quoted by Media Matters.

In fact, as Media Matters points out, as a US senator, Obama traveled overseas to investigate nuclear stockpiles in other nations, co-sponsored a nuclear non-proliferation bill with Republican Sen. Richard Lugar in 2005, introduced another bill, the Nuclear Weapons Threat Reduction Act (S.1977) in 2007, and did his college thesis on Soviet nuclear disarmament long before entering politics. Actually, the Nobel committee cited Obama's lengthy record of trying to limit nuclear weapons as one of the reasons he received the Nobel Peace Prize last year.

What experience does Sarah Palin have in this area? Zip, zilch and zero.

If I were an inexperienced beauty pageant contestant like Palin I wouldn't get snarky about anyone else's lack of experience in anything – it only tends to remind the public – that large majority who aren't part of your personality cult – of how vacuous and ignorant you really are.

BTW, Bush, Cheney and the GOP had eight years to 'accomplish' something in regards to Iran and North Korea. What did they have to show for it? Increased atomic and missile warhead testing by the N.K. and an accelerated nuclear program by Iran, in response to Republican threats of invasion. Obama's been in office for a year; let's see what he accomplishes in eight.

Obama's Radical Liberal Socialist Agenda Revealed

Is this his horrible liberal socialist agenda laid bare?

“The legitimate object of Government is to do for a community of people whatever they need to have done but cannot do at all, or cannot so well do, for themselves in their separate and individual capacities. But in all that people can individually do as well for themselves, Government ought NOT to interfere."

“In all those things which deal with people, be liberal, be human. In all those things which deal with people’s money, or their economy, or their form of government, be conservative."

“The purpose … is to establish and maintain a peaceful world and build at home a dynamic prosperity in which every citizen fairly shares. We shall ever build anew, that our children and their children, without distinction because of race, creed or color, may know the blessings of our free land."

“We believe that basic to governmental integrity are unimpeachable ethical standards and irreproachable personal conduct by all people in government. We shall continue our insistence on honesty as an indispensable requirement of public service. We shall continue to root out corruption whenever and wherever it appears."

“We are proud of and shall continue our far-reaching and sound advances in matters of basic human needs—expansion of social security—broadened coverage in unemployment insurance —improved housing—and better health protection for all our people. We are determined that our government remain warmly responsive to the urgent social and economic problems of our people."

To find out what left-wing radical wrote this socialist manifesto, read Comments below.

The C Street Gang: A GOP Scandal That Won't Go Away

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Gov. Bob McDonnell, Southern Partisan Cracker Cover Boy

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Sarah Palin Will Split the GOP Apart in 2012

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The Impossible Cheney Dream?

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The Tattlesnake -- The Teabaggers Should Thank Liberals Edition

Aging Tea Partiers a Jaw-Dropping Example of Stupidity and Ingratitude

“It’s the same with narrow-minded people as it is with narrow-necked bottles: the less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring it out.”
-- Anonymous, from Planet Proctor 2010-7.

Most of the gray-haired Teabaggers are snapping, snarling and filled with rage but, like a dog driven mad by rabies, they are mindless in their wrath and blinded by their disease. They should stop and think who they have to thank for that Social Security check they receive at the beginning of every month. (Hint: it's not the pretentious pecksniffs of the faux-populist GOP or the bedeviled bellowers of the Right-Wing Noise Machine they so assiduously follow.)

Steve Benen's piece below is consistent with my own anecdotal exposure to the Teabaggers – they are mainly retired whites who watch Fox News and then gripe bitterly about the government from the comfort of their La-Z-Boy loungers while they collect their Social Security checks, pay their doctor bills via Medicare, and take advantage of housing and other discounts for seniors subsidized by the taxpayer. Many are also ex-military and not only received a government check while they were on active duty, but live off vets benefits provided by the government they despise. They especially loathe the evil liberals who proposed and passed that legislation so that they wouldn't be eating out of garbage cans, dependent on their children, or dying in poor houses in their old age. All of the things that provide them a relatively comfortable and independent life in retirement were vehemently opposed by conservatives in the past, and the cynical Talk Show Hosts and crass Republican Politicians they currently worship would be against every single 'socialist' program – Social Security, Medicare, etc. -- that keeps them going were it presented for a vote in Congress today.

Instead of hating liberals, they should be thanking them. Theirs is arguably the most colossal case of ingratitude in American history, and they should be ashamed of themselves rather than enraged.

Unaware of the Contradiction

Steve Benen
Political Animal
The Washington Monthly
March 28, 2010

There’s an old joke that goes something like this: my neighbor went to public schools before joining the military. He went to college on the G.I. Bill, bought his first home through the FHA, and received his health care through the V.A. and Medicare. He now receives Social Security.

He’s a conservative because he wants to get the government off his back.

I mention the joke because a surprising number of right-wing activists don’t seem to appreciate the humor. We talked the other day, for example, about a radical libertarian activist who encourages his allies to throw bricks through the windows of Democratic offices to protest the Affordable Care Act. He hates government involvement in the lives of citizens — but his main income is taxpayer-financed disability checks sent to him every month by the federal government.

This is not uncommon. The NYT reports today on some of the well-intention[ed] folks who’ve been caught up in the Tea Party nonsense. Take Tom Grimes, for example.

In the last year, he has organized a local group and a statewide coalition, and even started a “bus czar” Web site to marshal protesters to Washington on short notice. This month, he mobilized 200 other Tea Party activists to go to the local office of the same congressman to protest what he sees as the government’s takeover of health care. [...]

“If you quit giving people that stuff, they would figure out how to do it on their own,” Mr. Grimes said.

When Grimes lost his job 15 months ago, one of his first steps was contacting his congressman about available programs that might give him access to government health care. He receives Social Security, and is considering a job opening at the Census Bureau. But in the meantime, Grimes has filled the back seat of his Mercury Grand Marquis with literature decrying government aid to struggling Americans.

The same article noted the efforts of Diana Reimer, considered a "star" right-wing activist in her efforts against government programs, a campaign she describes as her "mission." Reimer, of course, currently enjoys Social Security and the socialized medicine that comes with Medicare.

The cognitive dissonance is rather remarkable. They perceive the government as the source of their economic distress — which itself doesn’t make sense — and then rely on the government to give them a hand, all the while demanding that the government do less to give people a hand. Their reflexive hatred for public programs is so irrational, they don’t even see the contradiction.

“After a year of angry debate,” the Times article noted, “emotion outweighs fact.”

That’s no doubt true. But that doesn’t change the fact that we’re talking about a reasonably large group of people who are deeply, tragically misguided.

This is important to the extent that there are still some who believe the political mainstream should do more to listen to the Tea Party crowd and take its hysterical cries seriously. But how can credible people take nonsense seriously and hope to come up with a meaningful result? How can policymakers actually address substantive challenges while following the advice of angry mobs who reject reason and evidence?

The bottom line seems inescapable: too many Tea Party activists have no idea what they’re talking about. Their sincerity notwithstanding, this is a confused group of misled people.

"Pecksniff: A canting hypocrite, who speaks homilies of morality, does the most heartless things 'as a duty to society,' and forgives wrong-doing in nobody but himself. (Dickens: Martin Chuzzlewit.)."
-- Webster's Online Dictionary definition.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Young Rush: Talent On Loan From Space?

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If Not For Crazy, They Wouldn't Have A Party At All

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Steele Quits as RNC Head

Embattled RNC Chief to Step Down; Talk Show Host Named Replacement

Steele leaves to work on Palin presidential run

Moira Feynt
APS News Service
April 1, 2010

WASHINGTON – According to a press release from the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, current chairman of the RNC, will step down Friday in order to "join the swelling ranks of Republicans" who would like former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012.

Steele named Fox News talk show host Sean Hannity as his interim replacement, saying in the release, "I feel Mr. Hannity has the dignity, decency and financial smarts to lead our party to victory in the upcoming elections."

The current chairman has recently been enmeshed in controversy after revelations that he had spent party donations on limousines, private jets, lavish hotel rooms and at least one $2,000 trip to "Voyeur," a Los Angeles lesbian bondage club.

However, Steele denies in the press release that he is leaving due to those problems; rather, he says, "I have talked to Gov. Palin and felt it was time to put my full attention toward the task of obtaining the Republican nomination for her. I could not be Mr. Hyde for her while I was Dr. Jekyll for the RNC."

Brad Sneerdrip, a spokesman for Hannity, said, "Mr. Hannity will bring to this position the same professionalism and honesty he shows in his best-selling books and his award-winning television news work."

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

April Fool's Year for the GOP

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"I want to thank the Teabaggers for helping us pass health care, for resurrecting the Obama presidency. I know they're saying, 'Why are you thanking me? I was so against it, I marched on Washington with tea bags hanging off my Founding Fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.'
And America saw that and said, 'I think I'll go with the calm black man.'"
-- Bill Maher, h/t to Bartcop.com.

Onward Christian Nutbags

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The Party of Hell, No?

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The Dying of the Right: Frum Fired For Telling the Truth

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"Republicans originally thought that Fox [News] worked for us, and now we are discovering we work for Fox."

-- David Frum on Nightline, March 22, 2010, blowing Fox's whole 'fair and balanced' mumbo-jumbo, as quoted by Media Matters.

"Waterloo"
-- David Frum, Frum Forum, March 21, 2010

"David Frum: "What the Hell is Going On at Fox News?"
-- Jamison Foser, Media Matters, March 18, 2010

What the Discovery Channel's New Reality TV Show About Palin's Alaska Won't Discover

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"Ethics Investigation Finds Palin Abused Power"
-- MSNBC.com News Services, Oct. 11, 2008

"Sarah Palin's Embezzlement Scandal"
-- All the Latest News, July 3, 2009

"Did An Embezzlement Scandal Force Sarah Palin to Resign?"
-- Think Progress, July 3, 2009

"Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Tax Problems Not Solved By Reimbursements For Children's Travel"
-- AP, Feb. 27, 2009

"Alaska Governor Sarah Palin in Staff Scandal"
-- Oliver Willis, Aug. 14, 2008

The Tattlesnake – What Would They Have to Say? Edition

What would the right-wing bloviators have to babble before their core audiences said, "that's over the line"?

Would Rush Limbaugh have to say: "Why should some poor working stiff nobody cares about have the same vote as me? I'm an important, influential multi-millionaire who owns a $44 million estate in Florida with 5 swimming pools and a $14 million apartment in New York City and yet I only get a single vote. That's wrong. I'm rich, so naturally I'm better than you, so I should get something like 100,000 votes to the single vote of some dumb middle-class slob, like the idiots who listen to my show! That's only fair! For that matter, why should some dope who makes below a million per even get a vote?"

Would Glenn Beck have to say: "We have to get rid of these evil progressive programs like Social Security and Medicare. If grandma and grandpa are poor or sick and dying, well, they've had a good life – let them die or kill themselves and get out of the way to make room for the future! Why should my tax money go to keep your grandparents alive? That's communist socialism, folks, and we can't have it here in the free-market capitalist Christian America I love! Hey, it's a fact: Jesus hated the poor and loved the rich – just like me! If you aren't rich then your proper place is to be a slave and do what you're told by those who are – it says so in the Bible and the Constitution if you read them right!"

Would Bill O'Reilly have to say: "I don't care, frankly, if I'm completely wrong about some historical event, if it helps me make my point. As long as I believe it and you believe it, who cares? I'm not some wimpy historian and I'm not in the business of telling you the truth. I mold opinions, even if they are usually based on pure crap I make up or something my employers tell me to say for political reasons. Facts are vastly overrated; it's faith and ratings that count!"

Would Sean Hannity have to say: "Sure, I lied about where those donations to my college fund for the kids of dead veterans were going; it's true, only about ten percent actually went to the families of military personnel killed overseas. So? I have a high-overhead life, folks, and I'm sure if those dead peasants – uh – vets were alive to say it, they'd tell you that they'd want your donations to go to keeping me and my family traveling in style. C'mon, I'm a TV star – these guys were little nobody's! What, am I supposed to fly Business Class or even – ack! – Coach for this friggin' charity? What are you, nuts?!? I'm a Republican – I'm in it for the money, people!"

Would Michael Savage have to say: "You know why I'm doing this, my friends? Because I failed at being a hippy-dippy herbal medicine and homeopathic healing book author. That's right, I was as liberal as they come back then and called myself 'Dr. Michael Weiner,' but I couldn't rub two dimes together. Ha, ha, I swam naked with homo beat poet Allen Ginsberg – did you know that? Then I noticed all the loot Limbaugh was raking in from you ultra-conservative bozos and jumped on the gravy train. So I changed my name and thought up the most outrageous, disgusting political stuff I could and here I am – rich and almost king of the hill! I don’t believe a word I say but I get a damn good laugh that you do! Hey, and I voted for Obama! Ha, ha, ha, ha!"

Would Neal Boortz have to say: "My fellow patriots, I have a lovely family, but you know what really gets me off? Sex with animals, particularly sheep. There's nothing like a warm sheep to keep you company at night – why, I've even installed a small stable on the second floor of my mansion just to be near Maizie, one of my special favorites. It's okay, my wife understands completely – I've even introduced her to a very handsome horse named Oater to see if she'd like to 'go for a ride,' if you know what I mean."

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Palin to Seal McCain's Fate in AZ

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GOP's Split-Personality is Going to Tear Them Apart

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"Federal Govt. Involved in Raids on [RNC] Protestors"
-- Glenn Greenwald, Aug. 31, 2008, Salon.com

"Framing the RNC 8"
-- Sam Stoker, In These Times, Oct. 8, 2008

"Meet the RNC Eight: Are They Terrorists?"
-- Sharon Schmickle, MinnPost.com, April 6, 2009

A New Magazine for the GOP Elite

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GOP Blundered Big Time on Health Care Reform Bill

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John Ensign as 'Tricky Dick' in Watergate Two

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"Buried under the pile of details that have emerged in the last 48 hours on the John Ensign investigation is one crucial over-arching development: The federal probe into the matter appears to have expanded, and shifted its focus in a way that … could make it an even graver threat to the Nevada senator than before."
-- Zachary Roth, "John Ensign Page," TPM Muckraker, March 2010.

"A federal grand jury has issued subpoenas to a Republican campaign committee and companies in Nevada in a probe of Sen. John Ensign, who has been under scrutiny for his efforts to find lobbying work for the husband of his former mistress."
-- Pete Yost and Ken Ritter, "Federal Grand Jury Subpoenas GOP Senatorial Committee, Companies in Sen. Ensign Probe," AP, March 18, 2010.

Life with Mr. Corporation

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Glenn Beck's March Madness (so far)

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2010 Astroturf Teabaggers Just 2000 Brooks Brothers Rioters Redux

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Rachel Maddow video: Reviewing the History of Fake Conservative Protests

"Bush's Conspiracy to Riot"
-- Robert Parry, Consortium News, Aug. 5, 2002, updated Aug. 5, 2009.

"Brooks Brothers Riot"
-- Wikipedia

The Tattlesnake -- Erin Go Braless Edition

Some 'Green Day' factoids and toasts in honor of me late grandmother who, like Guinness stout, Harp lager, and G.B. Shaw, was a great Irish export.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Five Factoids About St. Patrick's Day

1. St. Patrick's real name was Patricius, and historians believe he was born in either Wales or Scotland.

2. The original color associated with St. Paddy's day was blue instead of green.

3. St. Patrick's Day was alcohol-free holiday in Ireland until the mid-1970s.

4. The shamrock was intended by St. Patrick to signify the Holy Trinity, not the luck of the Irish. He also created the Celtic cross, which is a combination of pagan and Christian symbols.

5. A pint of Guinness Stout, a staple of Irish drinkers on St. Paddy's Day, has fewer calories than a pint of low-fat milk or orange juice.

A Random Sampling of Irish Toasts (for anyone who's toasted to use):

Here's to health,
fitness and tone
I've drank to health
So many times
I've managed to
ruin my own.

May we get what we want,
May we get what we need,
But may we never get what we deserve.

In all this world, I do think
There are five good reasons why we drink:
Good friends,
Good luck,
Good times,
And lest we be dry,
And any other reason why.

May the winds of fortune caress you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy
who says, "this drink's on me."

Here's to cheating, lying, stealing, fighting, and drinking:
If you cheat, may you cheat death;
If you lie, may you lie on a loved one's breast;
If you steal, may you steal another's heart;
If you fight, may you fight for what's right, brother;
And if you drink, may you always drink
With friends and none other.

Though you may be a scoundrel
And a sinner times seven
May you get lost on your way to hell
And end up in heaven.

What Should Have Happened to Cheney in 2002

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The Real Republican Plan for Our Future

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How Limbaugh Lives

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The Tattlesnake – The Texas School Book Suppository and the Mississippi Prom Queen Edition

Your Tattlesnake admits to being slightly gobsmacked by reading the news lately. First, we have the regressive far-right clodhoppers down in the Lone Star Beer State rewriting the school textbooks for the entire country, inserting such gems as eliminating any reference to the history of institutional racism in America (slavery never existed?); praising Confederate generalship (they lost the war, remember?); invoking Moses as an inspiration for the Constitution, while practically ignoring Jefferson, Franklin, the Age of Enlightenment, and the reasons for the separation of church and state; disregarding the Mexicans who died alongside Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett defending the Alamo; promoting the jingoistic myth of 'American exceptionalism' and the non-existent 'free market economy'; and even peevishly describing our form of government as a "Constitutional Republic" rather than the "Democratic Republic" it has been called since our founding because, you know, any phrase containing the word "Democrat" has to be inherently evil and unpatriotic. No doubt even some Creationist buffoonery is included for the comic relief of the smarter students.

How did a bunch of piss-drunk mouth breathers, psychotic snake shooters and half-assed Holy Rollers who would install an empty-headed slouch like Junior Bush as their governor and follow him with a vain numbskull like Rick Perry ever get such clout? Well, one thing's for sure – you'll never get the answer to that question from one of their 'abridged-for-stupidity' textbooks.

I feel sorry for our kids – even more than in previous generations they are being batter-dipped and deep-fried in a vat of convoluted hooey by a bunch of uneducated, narrow-minded yahoos who think faith equates to knowledge and facts are as malleable as a pile of fresh horse manure. Third-world country, here we come.

Conversely, down in the fetid armpit of poverty-row Dark Ages America, in the homophobe paradise of Fulton, Mississippi, a lesbian teenager is suing the local school for not allowing her to bring her gal pal as a prom date – in fact, the authorities cancelled the whole damn prom rather than permit such twenty-first century San Francisco-style perfidy to undermine the town's Taliban morality.

As the lesbian teen in question, 18-year-old Constance McMillen, told CBS' News, "I explained to him that you can't pretend like there's not gay people at our school, and if you tell people they can't bring [a] same-sex date, that is discrimination to them."

Wait a minute, putting aside Constance's prom problem, she's saying there are openly gay people in Missi-fracking-ssippi? When was the last time you heard anyone living in mushmouth Haley Barbour's Stinking State of 'Grace' (or is that 'grease'?) admit they were gay, especially a high school kid? Why, shut my mouth and call me Foghorn!

Who knows, maybe the students forced to read that skunky rot passed off as a textbook by the Texas tyrants are smarter than we think and will laugh it off; perhaps times are moving forward faster than the howling hordes of retrograde simpletons can change, no matter what they do. There may be hope yet, even in the last-to-know, slow-flowing mud of Mississippi, always packed with crackers and nuts and, now – will wonders never cease? -- some openly gay folks as well.

© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Massa Lame Excuses

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Liz Cheney in 2012?

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Eric Massa's 'Man Fracker' Magazine

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Palin's Hand Jive

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The Truth About the GOP

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Why the GOP is Still Going to Fail

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Waiting For Gummo?

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